Teenage drinking ... help

[Whenisenoughenoughthen]

DS16 in College - all of a sudden a massive party animal. Out so far every weekend but with a curfew. Drinking at every party ( they easily get booze nowadays from offlicences). Been drunk and falling about twice. All other times tipsy and chatty. I am stressed and not sure what is normal experimentation and what is on a wrong oath and dependency.... plse share your experience ? Or knowledge or thoughts,? If you've been through this and it turned bad what do you wish you knew and should have done ? Just not sure how to navigate this 😕. He has lovely friends from school and some new ones where they only meet at parties...

Bump if anyone has nay suggestions!

Or experience and share what your college age kids are going through. He does go to a sport once a week and so far on track with college work but that's the basics I guess

DS just turned 17 but I’d say he drank from 15-just before 17 birthday…had to put him to bed once in that time. For us it appears to have been a bit of a novelty which has now worn off. Just last night I asked him if he wanted me to get him a few drinks for upcoming birthday in the family…he declined.

Helps too that he’s taking driving lessons so he’s had it drummed into him about zero tolerance (Scotland).

So if I’m through the woods of it with him, I’m blessed (I was considerably worse at his age 🤣 ).

It’s normal teenage behaviour. As long as you know where he is and who he’s with, leave him to it. It’s a phase. Alcohol is new and exciting. The novelty will soon wear off.

My son is through that now but did go through a time. Not every weekend but once or twice I’ve had to go get him from a party and once outside the cinema when some one had called the police as he’d passed out! But usually he could get himself home. Actually alcohol was the least of it waiting til they get ahold of some ketamine. Now weed is the main issue; he drinks the odd beer/Guinness but that’s it. He has a car now so that keeps him straight for the most part.
My DD, at uni, is teetotal and wouldn’t dream of touching drugs.

I thought every 16 year old did this.

In my day it was pubs, certain pubs were happy to serve you underage provided you behaved, so you behaved.

ours Loved the sudden social life/parties that came with meeting new friends from college. I didn’t like the booze, I’m very aware of the things that could happen if she got very drunk. She’s usually just come home (dh picks her up) full of giggles and tales but has been very drunk once. She was so sick the next day that I’m hoping that taught her a lesson. Party next week for Halloween so I’m sure we will find out. I’ll be full of nerves but I can’t/wont put a dampener on her night. Hard isn’t it

OK thank you!! Appreciate it as this is a new phase and everywhere you read it says if your child drinks at 16 they will be an alcoholic!! Appreciate the message and reassurance . We dont drink other than when out at restaurants as a family so its all new to me and want to get the balance right

Have you talked to him about the importance of pacing yourself? The most useful thing my folks said to me was to treat alcohol, especially spirits, with respect and if you start to go a bit lightheaded, stop drinking for 20 mins and see how you are before continuing.

Make it clear he risks compromising his own safety if he’s walking unsteadily/not in full control and that other people might take advantage.

Also the hard line that any sickness or weeing is not acceptable, will have consequences and will need to be cleaned up by him.

Kids will drink but they need to be equipped to manage it responsibly.

It's fairly normal and doesn't mean he's destined to be an alcoholic.
I would worry less about the drinking than where he is and who with at 16.
Mine did drink a bit at 16 but only at parties at someone's house. We always dropped off and picked up.
It was ages 18 when they could go in clubs that was more worrying, we had a couple of very drunk incidents though of course once at uni you don't see what they are up to.
Also have that conversation about the effect of alcohol. Some get sleepy, some people unexpectedly get aggressive and beligerant. Inhibition disappears so be aware of consent with opposite sex if parties are drunk.
Both DC are now late 20s and drink very little.

Oh yes, I remember this well and now at 19 my son is better but not immune! My son was an apprentice from 16 so had money in his pocket to go out as well as were his mates.

In a slightly unrelated turn of events he developed epilepsy at 19 years old (we think the triple threat of alcohol, sleep deprivation and stress from his apprenticeship although of course he must have a disposition for seizures as this wouldn’t be an issue in someone without Epilepsy!) and that has required him to tone it down a bit!

I hate it for all the reasons you mention plus his health issues! I am teetotal so I doubly hate it as the smell of booze makes me feel sick.

He now has a new lower stress job, is back driving and this is essential for his job so he has to protect his license.

Here’s to the novelty wearing off very soon 🤞🏼!

Take a photo of him to every off-licence in the area stating he is 16. And that you won’t hesitate to report them if they serve him.

What did you do at 16?
What did his Dad do at 16?
What were your friends doing at 16?

I can’t imagine all of this is in the dim & distant past.

I was 16 in the 80s, we could easily buy booze, legally buy fags, and nobody was checking Ages on the doors of Clubs or Pubs so we were in there until closing.

My dad was pretty relaxed with me and my brother. We could drink at home so didn't do the sneaking around etc. Think it took the "fun" out of it that other people got. The first time I drank that much I was sick he told me I would learn. I didnt get in trouble. We both now barely drink so I wouldn't worry about this turning in to alcoholics.

One bit of advice, if he comes home drunk don't be angry.

Teenagers have their own logic and drunk teenagers make decisions that are illogical to us.

A drunk teen who has had an angry parent shouting at them thinks, "I better not go home drunk, I'll sleep on this park bench til I sober up"

That's part of the attraction. My DS was around pubs from a young age. He rarely drinks at all and the " pub" scene was no mystery to him so no rushing out to get drunk

I mean this in the kindest possible way- I presume we’re probably about the same age- were you not going out drinking at 15/16 onwards? Do you live in uk?! When I was 16 90% of the kids I knew from college were out and about every weekend at pubs. It’s not ideal, no but bloody hell it was fun at the time. Going out every weekend is completely normal- I remember a phase of going out every night bar Tuesday night (rest night 😂) at one point when I was 17- it’s actually not normal to stay in at that age and not socialise- would you prefer that? At least he’s not an incel!! That would be far worse tbh

The time to be worried is if he can’t do without it, if there is a genetic predisposition to alcoholism in the family and/or if he’s relying on alcohol to get him through a difficult time.

Seems par for the course to me.

DS social life in 6th form was house parties as they were too young for pubs and clubs. We let him have several parties at our house which meant I could see for myself what 16-18 year olds were like when they partied. Over 4 parties at ours I called the parents of 2 teens who needed collecting due to vomiting.

I spoke to DS from about 15 about alcohol and the main repeated messages have been:

Getting drunk isn’t the point of drinking

Theres more alcohol in spirits compared to beer - this was a big lesson about volume and the size of a teen-poured vodka

As your social life or drinking habits evolve you should always have 3 consecutive non-drinking days in a week to look after your liver. Have months in the year which are ‘dry’ months too.

You will always be responsible for anything that you do when you’ve been drinking

You can put yourself at risk of harm if you are not in control of yourself enough to pay attention to what’s happening around you

Never leave a drunk friend anywhere and have a trusted group of friends so they will never leave you either.

Alcohol use can be habit-forming or worse so make sure your social life doesn’t only involve drinking

Never, ever drive a with any alcohol in your system, including next day.

Don’t get in a car with a driver that’s been drinking. Use my uber account or call me for a lift instead.

Hes at uni now. I occasionally hear these mantras repeated back to me. He’s not perfect mind you, and I know he’s drinking a lot during these first few weeks but as PPs have said the novelty wears off after a while

Sounds pretty normal to me, we went through it with our DS. Luckily his friendship group (boys and girls) would all look out for and another and ensured they were safe. He’s now 19 and seems to have come out the other side. He goes out a lot still but doesn’t regularly come back visibility drunk, although the door camera videoed him tripping up walking in the house the other night!
He got much better after passing his driving test as he prefers the flexibility of driving rather than drinking.