Have I missed the boat?

[EmbarrassingMama]

I’m 38. My DS is 8, my DD is 5 (just!).

When she was about 3.5 I started contemplating a third but due to circumstances I just put the idea to the back of my mind.

Fast forward to today and I’m increasingly eager to add to our family.

But…be honest, do you think I’ve missed the boat? Age gap between mine is 3.3 years, but this would mean having a 9, 6yo and a baby. Am I being unreasonable to think this is a good idea?

I personally wouldn't, but then I'm 37 and I feel about 57 sometimes.

I had a 10yo and an 8yo when I had DC three at 39. My youngest is now 17. It has turned out amazing, the age gap wasn’t a problem at all and they are all very close.

What does your DH think? Personally in my late 30s with 2 healthy kids I’d just enjoy them and having time for them.

I think it depends how you are physically and mentally.
I'm 39 and have an 8 year old and 2 year old. I went through it mentally second time round but did have a very heavy couple of years before hand.
The age gap is fab, no arguments, no jealousy and the eldest can help in a practical way.
I think if you are feeling good, you've got a couple more years left :)

She could still do that

Thank you for the responses so far.

There are definitely some mornings I wake up tired and I’m grateful to have had a full night’s sleep! But on the whole I’m fit and healthy.

My husband acts appalled at the idea but he’s open to it. Asks me questions about mat pay at work / which room the baby would have or if the bigger two would share, etc. He has never shut it down!

I wouldn’t do it personally. I’m late 30s and have a 6 year old and an almost 3 year old and I just couldn’t go back to the baby stage now, I feel too old and with two kids already who are just becoming easier to take out and enjoy doing things. That big an age gap you may struggle to keep everyone entertained together as they’ll be at different stages and age ranges for activities.

It’s not the same with a baby/toddler and TTC. Doesn’t mean that’s a bad thing but it obviously isn’t the same

Is your 11 year old doing ok at high school? Any issues? How is the 5 year old doing? Would you manage if the baby had any disabilities? Could you still afford holidays with soon paying adult prices for your eldest? How are you without sleep? The age gap and your age isn't an issue. I had an age gap because of secondary infertility and my Mum had me at 40, surprise pregnancy, so there's an age gap between me and my sister. She was in excellent health, luckily sailed through the menopause and we have good genetics on both sides.

If it's something you consistently want and think you can make it work, why not. There is no perfect age gap or time to have a baby, and no families are the same. Babies can be hard but if you are a stable family it can also bring more love and happiness.

If you both want to add to your family go for it, I had my first at 37 my second at 41 almost 42 and it was the best decision the girls are now 10 and 6 and though very different personalities absolutely adore each other . Everyone is tired with a baby and parents are tired in general but it’s worth it . I’d have had another but Mother Nature decided for me and menopause came straight after baby .

She doesn’t have an 11 year old

I am similar age and similar kids ages to you and I can't imagine having another one at this stage. There are so many reasons why, but the age gap isn't one of them. We're skint and we'd possibly need a bigger house, we'd definitely need a bigger car, the cost of child care would make me weep. But most of all I'm tired. If you have enough money for all those things and enough energy then I don't see why not.

When I had ds at 43 mine were 6,8 and 9.

I am soon 45 with a 3yr old but only the 3yr old. The others are grown. I’m feeling it but I love it! I also have a full time job and start work at half 7am so early mornings for me are already a ‘thing’

Of course not. If you have the energy, space and finance to have another - go for it. Go to GP and get them to check your FSH/ LH depending how old you are etc.

Do you want another child in your family? Does your husband? Unless either of you has a health condition which would have an effect, go for it. I was late 30s when I had my children and the only thing I regret is not having more because I didn't start earlier!

I had a baby in my 40’s. Saying that, I don’t understand the need for a third child.. anyway, 38 isn’t too late at all.

Well I'm in my 50s and would rather grate my face off I found pregnancy in my 30s solid. It's not just the age, it's the risk of disabilities as you get older. That applies to the dad's as well as the mothers. Could you cope?

Ultimately if you're both on board then I'd probably not waste any more time tbh.

My kids are same age and I would have loved a third but it was a hard no for my DH, and I also feel like I should have done it 3 years ago if I was going to. My friend has this age gap, however, and it seems totally normal when you see the 3 of them together, plus nobody battes an eyelid when she was pregnant. She loved it when the third was a baby, found it very hard to manage when he was a toddler, and it is much easier again since he turned 4. They do mainly divide and conquer though with the two oldest and the youngest.

Also go for it now if possible and then they will be one school year closer than if you wait until a birth after September!

I have this exact age gap with my older brothers. One is 9 years older and one is 5 years older and my mum was 36 when she had me.
It was the 80s and I'm not sure how it was for my mum as I was little but there's definitely benefits to that age gap - competitiveness as we're all doing different things and the older ones can help.

Mine are 35, 33, 25, 20, 15, last was born when I was 37.
if you’re happy for the age gap then go ahead. The only thing I would say is that a family of 5 is not as convenient as a family of 4. Hotels, holidays, cars, public transport , days out, meals out , everything really. I would also take into account that you are now at the age where you can all do things together as a family , no one has to sit out with a baby or toddler . Thats worth quite a lot! So many shared experiences you can have together, just easier and more fun and youre there , right now for most things , a couple of years or a few inches in height for the rest. Im obviously a fan of large families so no shade here ! But you have it good atm, no saying what the next baby will be like, how things will work out, no saying ‘it will just fit in’ , because it very well might not. If you roll the dice you have no say on the outcome. Your life sounds nice right now .

I wouldn’t as it will be much easier doing activities instead of having to do younger stuff as you’ve got one so much younger. I’d just enjoy the two you have personally.

Thank you all for your very thoughtful responses. I appreciate them.

You may not have missed the boat for having a third, just had my third at 41, with 2 older children of 18 and 16.