Party or Christmas event?

[Schoolselectiondilemma]

Every year for last 4 years we go to this particular Christmas event which is a massive privilege as it’s really unique and we are able to go through DH work, it’s not open to the public. The kids absolutely adore it, it’s a real tradition now and it signals the start of Christmas for us. It’s usually always on the same weekend of the year. DH won’t be in same job next year so likely this is last year to go

In laws have arranged a small family get together (4 families) initially they booked it for a day we couldn’t go to DD dance competition so they changed it.

Unfortunately we’ve just found out that said Christmas event is a weekend later than it usually is and now clashes with the party. We can’t do both as family party in Manchester and Xmas thing down south.

I would like DH to discuss with his parents to see if they can perhaps do the get together a different weekend as personally I feel we can definitely arrange another get together but this might be the last ever time we do Xmas thing and it’s just so magical, also kids are 4 and 8 so older one getting to upper limit

DH says we can’t ask them to change it again :(

AIBU? Should we just suck it up and go to family thing?

You lose nothing by asking.

He feels it will cause alot of tension and unnecessary upset

I think it's pretty rude to ask it to be changed again when there are multiple families involved. Xmas is a busy time of year for everyone, it's unlikely to just be you that has stuff on.

You and your DH need to choose together which event to attend. I don't think you can reasonably ask in-laws to move it again.

Cant your dh just be honest with his parents and siblings.

I don't think you can ask them to change it again but is not attending an option? I think I'd choose the Xmas event if it's the last time you'll ever get to go! As others said, just be honest with the family and explain. Maybe it's just my family, but mine wouldn't kick up a fuss and would understand.

If you were my family and explained this to me and asked to change dates again I’d be fine about it.

I would attend the family event, Christmas really is about families and spending time with people you love to me

Are the other 2 families close to you, ie are they your siblings or are they just friends of your in laws?

We see them once every couple of years

my thinking was to arrange in January when everyone has a lot less going on!

My family would understand and move it to a less busy time but DH family can be prickly

Same!

If I knew the kids loved the magical event I would go to this 😬. I’ve always been about giving the kids the best Xmas possible though.

Family events can be a bit meh for kids unless there’s lots of cousins there to play with.

Go to the Christmas event - especially if it's gonna be the last time you go.

I think it would be incredibly rude to ask them to change it yet again, there's others than just your family to think about. Go to the family party then find something else lovely and Christmassy to do on the weekend you initially thought you'd be at the event.

If they’ve already altered the date once for you, and several other families are involved, I think it would be pretty rude to ask them to change it again because you have yet another clashing event. If you’d rather go to the other event, just don’t attend.

You defo can ask them to change it again. Thata still plenty of notice for everyone to sort out their calenders.

X

Is be pretty annoyed if I was one of the other families invited that had to move their plans already for your family. Asking 3 families to move their plans for you once is fine, twice is just down right cheeky. The world doesn't revolve around you

Christmas event.

If magical ...is it Kate's Christmas carol service? I would absolutely not miss this and I would happily be disowned by family

Personally I think it’s pretty rude to ask again. It’s signalling you are prioritising everything else and I won’t be impressed. What if the third date falls on a day when you again have something you deem more interesting or important? I do understand how you are feeling, but sometimes you just have to suck it up, especially since they’ve already moved it for you once.

The family event involves four families and is only once every two years, and they've already rearranged it for you once?

You can always ask to rearrange it again but their patience will probably be wearing a little thin, and that wouldn't be unreasonable. And while I understand that the Christmas event is more enjoyable for you, it's not a particularly significant reason - we're not talking family emergency, being out of the country, job interview the next day etc.

Ultimately this depends on how important you consider future relations with your husband's family to be (and it shouldn't be surprising if he considers them more important than you do).