Completely drowning, burnt out, and just need to hear I'm not crazy

[Overthinker2027]

I honestly don't even know where to start. I am running on absolute empty, functioning purely on survival mode.
Between trying to keep a household afloat, managing chronic stress, constantly walking on eggshells around unpredictable, explosive moods, and dealing with manufactured drama over nothing, I feel like I'm suffocating. The person I'm with creates constant chaos, rewrites reality to play the victim, and feeds on tension while draining every ounce of emotional and physical energy I have left.
Because of his ongoing health issues, our physical relationship broke down years ago, and he was actually the one who pushed for and suggested an open arrangement / cuckold dynamic so my needs could be met. While I operated openly and honestly within the framework he set up, I've recently discovered a hidden layer of secret online behavior and real-world deception behind my back—lies about where he's been, secret digital footprints, and a total disregard for boundaries or truth. I spent years holding myself to a standard of absolute honesty and trying to keep the peace, carrying his health crises and emotional baggage, but I am entirely broken down.
I went for a professional health/therapy assessment recently, and the practitioner literally stopped in their tracks, dropped their jaw at what my day-to-day life actually looks like, and immediately referred me out for specialized support. That reaction was a terrifying wakeup call that made me realize just how toxic and abnormal this environment really is.
I feel trapped, exhausted, and invisible. If you've ever had to untangle your life from a manipulative, deceptive dynamic while trying to protect your kids and maintain your sanity, how on earth did you take that first step? I just feel so alone right now.

How old roughly are the kids OP? Do you work and have access to money? Do you live near supportive family or friends?

They are in primary and yes I do work full time and have a support system
Just needed to see if other people thought I was being crazy but scared to share massive details

Sorry to hear this op. Sounds like very abusive (explosive moods) and coercive, manipulative behaviour. All of which is illegal. You’ve done the hardest part which is recognising and admitting it to yourself.
Do you have any real life support from family or friends ? Maybe try women’s aid ?
perhaps you can start by thinking about the practicals -
Are you married; what is your housing situation, do you have own access to money, do you have any children?
There was an article on bbc recently about a woman whose husband manipulated into her sleeping with other men for his own kink. Does that sound familiar?

Sorry op you had answered whilst I was typing.
In short, no you’re not going mad.
Also, please remember that as a woman you can leave a relationship at any time for any reason, regardless of abuse or not.

This is the article I mentioned - I may be completely off track here but some of it might resonate. I remember thinking how brave the lady was to share her story
Woman left traumatised by swinging says website 'facilitated abuse' https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c87q7g48y4po

Kinda but I don't know if I was manipulated. I didn't go into marriage thinking I would be doing that but then a girl does have needs so I don't know.
I do suffer with anxiety which makes this all harder

Anyone would be going mad in your situation. Time to make an discreet exit plan, meet with a solicitor to look at what leaving would entail and seek a more peaceful life - even it it's scary. Sounds like you deserve much better.

Had a chat today and he has said he will change.... Watch this space xx

I would put my money on it you would feel much better without him. I've been there and the effort to make a change is huge I know, especially with children. It won't be easy and be many hurdles to overcome but you will get your peace, energy and mental health back.

I would start journaling so you can look back and reflect on things, and write down all the things you would need to do to make the change. Keep posting for support.

It happens so gradually you do not realise what is happening until years into very extreme situations. Boiled frog symdrome. Give yourself time to face up to how badly off track your life has become and to work out what your first steps are to getting out of this and into something closer to what you actually want and need

Update: To give a bit more context on how this all blew up—the woman my husband claimed he was with recently told me directly that it wasn't true. When I started talking to her, a whole lot of other things she said didn't add up either, and it completely unraveled.
The baseline of our open relationship was total honesty—I’ve always been completely transparent with him. Without that honesty, it’s just cheating. And to top it all off, my brother arrives tonight and we're hosting a 40-person party tomorrow. I honestly don't know how I'm going to get through this weekend

This.

You sound overwhelmed but without any serious detail all anyone can say it LTB!