AIBU to want to stay home?

[LookingForHopeAndInspiration]

In laws are over for holiday and have said they want to take us (+2kids) all out for a meal as it's our anniversary (they hadn't realised at the time of booking their hols but only after they arrived so it certainly wasn't planned). I have food allergies/sensitivities so eating out is stressful for me at the best of times and I am currently on treatment for stomach issue and honestly I would rather not go out, husband understands but MIL wants to go out. AIBU to want to stay in? Am I being ungrateful? Not a major issue in the grand scheme of things but curious to see others thoughts. It wasn't even an offer of them watching kids, letting us go out either 😆
I am so fortunate to have the best parents who always know the right thing to do or say. I just don't understand the in laws!

Id suggest having a meal in the house or takeaway, so you can accommodate your food needs but all spend some time together. Why must it be at a restaurant?

Its quite amusing she thinks you both want to spend your anniversary that way. Is she normally that obtuse??

They are literally staying in our room, in our bed while we sleep in the living room 😆 we do dinner every night and husband is fab chef so literally a waste of money to go out as he cooks better!

And quote possibly yes to the last bit 😂

Then it would be a no from me! I'd probably say "since it's our anniversary we have decided we would like to eat dinner at home, you're welcome to go out with the kids though so we get a bit of time to ourselves" 🤣

Be cheeky, play her at her own game!

I think it depends how difficult it is for you to eat out.

There would be plenty of threads started if the MiL (it's always the MiL not the FiL) were "imposing" by staying with the OP and "didn't even offer to take us out for a meal".

It seems like it is a nice thing to offer to do and that presumably they haven't grasped how difficult it would be for you.

I can't vote as they ANBU to offer, but obviously if you can't currently eat out then YANBU to not want to go.

Thank you. Lol I'm not sure I am brave enough for that 😆

Is it just going for a meal you don't want or would you enjoy something else?
Could you suggest a different a different activity like a family trip to the cinema or something.
That way they can still feel like they are treating you to something.
(do they know about your stomach issues?)

It’s your anniversary! Just explain things exactly as you have here. Honestly if they’re looking to take over their son’s wedding anniversary celebration with something that will lead to problems for his wife, they need to get a grip. Also, your DH should really be the one telling them that their plan isn’t going to happen.

Very true, I think it's probably partly because it has been put across less as a choice, more that this is what is happening.

Yes they know, great idea though. I will suggest this to husband, thanks!

@LookingForHopeAndInspiration you must have a favourite restaurant - that accommodates your food requirements - you could suggest you go to?

If one of us is a bit unwell we don’t go out - anniversary or not. I want to enjoy going out and it’s not possible if I’m not 100% myself. So yes you are not unreasonable to stay at home. Also going out with small kids could be sometimes like cleaning teeth while eating.
I think your DH has to explain to them that you want to stay at home or go out together while they babysit ( if you really want to).

Lol I love that analogy 😂 thanks. I think husband is on board but he doesn't like to disappoint his mum understandably and feels stuck in the middle trying to keep everyone happy.

I have multiple allergies and know the stress of eating out. I do have a couple of tried and true places though where I can relax. I would want my meal to be one of those places where I am a regular.

Don’t go. Be firm. MIL can go out with the grandkids. You don’t need to explain. It’s weird to expect a woman who isn’t your daughter to go out on HER wedding anniversary with the whole bloody family and kids too. So glad I don’t have this bullshit to deal with anymore. I feel for you, I truly do. You only get one life, stop feeling guilty.

But not weird for family staying with you to take you out for a meal to say thank you.

The anniversary could just be coincidence. I doubt they have arranged to stay this week because it is their anniversary. They have come to stay with dc and dgc and have offered to take them out for a meal to say thank you.

Of course, if the OP's condition means there isn't anywhere that can cope with her dietary requirements, she doesn't have to go, but lets not pretend this is some sort of weird scenario for them to offer.

It should be fine for you and your husband to say this-she might well not understand your health condition, and maybe it's worth having a serious conversation so she knows for the future, and feels closer to you once she gets it. As long as they're happy/competent to babysit, most grandparents would be just as pleased to take the kids if you say what you'd really enjoy is a date night.