SA 25 years on...

[greeenscreeen]

This time of year I was raped by a stranger at 16, and next week is looming over me. I remember the exact date and every year is difficult l. This year is the 25 year 'anniversary' (any better terminology suggestions?!). Some years are easier than others, but there ALWAYS seems to be some sort of news-worthy event around sexual violence this time of year. This year it's Russell Brand. Previously there's been the Me Too movement. I can't think of other examples right now, but there almost always seems to be something!

I guess my AIBU is about whether or not I should still find this time of year so difficult? I know there's no time limit when it comes to healing from trauma, but I find that I'm so fucking angry and frustrated at myself for allowing myself to still be so affected.

Not sure what I'm looking for... reassurance that this is "normal"? Suggestions around how to handle it? Feels so silly saying that after such a long time!! The actual date is more or less okay, because I keep busy. It's the days (weeks?) before, and after, that I struggle with the most. I have an incredibly supportive wife, along with friends and family, but I just don't want to continue being such a burden on everyone.

If you read all of this then thank you, I appreciate you "listening". I'm just sending this out into the void in the hopes it will somewhat help me.

As a survivor myself, there is no right or wrong way to feel. I know this feeling well as my own "anniversary" is in November.

The RB stuff at the moment is triggering and difficult. Could you take yourself off somewhere nice during this tough time? Maybe book a holiday so you can start to replace that dread with something nice to look forward to each year.

Have you spoken to anyone professionally about how you feel? Sending hugs.

Oh my love, of course YANBU! Im so sorry that happened to you, and honestly there is no time limit on trauma.

Something horrendous happened and you should process it any which way you can. I do hope nobody has told you to move on?? Because it is totally normal that it still affects you. Do you have a therapist you can work through any difficult feelings with?

There has been a lot in the press about the Cornell 7, and many of us sharing our past SA stories. Its not surprising you may have found all of that triggering.

It will be 16 years for me this year. I suffered very badly with PTSD for a while about 9 or 10 years ago and it does tend to flare up this time of year. I still see a therapist and keep ticking over with that and medication. I don’t really have any advice but I hope it helps to know that someone else feels exactly the same way.

No advice but I think what you're experiencing is totally normal. Human memory is triggered by senses as much as anything. When horrible events happen at a certain time of year its normal for things like changes in temperature, or seasonal smells (like wet leaves in autumn) to trigger memories and feelings. I think it's really hard to deal with as it's kind of a primal thing that our rational brains can't always get to grips with, and it's not like those specific seasonal things are there all the time so that people can learn to work around them. Not sure that helps at all but I don't think you're alone.

This sounds very normal indeed.

I suspect this pattern applies to all traumas and the lead up to the date in which it occurred.

I have no advice except stop worrying about others, everyone around you will understand and sympathise that you have to go through this difficult time, year after year.

I hope they caught the bast**d.

Thank you for your reply and your reassurance .(And to everyone else! Just reading and processing.)
They didn't "catch the bastard" because I didn't tell anyone for a very long time. I was 16 and going through GCSEs, and my Mam was diagnosed with breast cancer within days of the event. Adult me understands that all of that was just too much for me to deal with, but the other side of me is so frustrated/angry with myself for not reporting it. Even 25 years later I struggle with knowing that my not reporting it likely means it could have happened to another girl. The guilt feels insurmountable, even now.

I don't have any advice but just want to say how sorry I am to read this. You were so young. I'm not surprised it haunts you still. Stay off SM and avoid the news as much as possible that's all you can do

No no no, not your fault. It really isnt, there is nobody to blame but the bastard himself! Try not to beat yourself up, you've been through enough.

I was SA when I was 6 I’m now 46… plenty triggers
me on a daily basis, if I think too much about it I can be physically sick.

sometimes my adult anger consumes me as I think of my 6 year old self and what happened.

so no you are not alone.

the man who did this to me he never got prosecuted my parents didn’t want to tell anyone.

You can still report, OP. But only if you feel ready to do so. The survivors od RB didn't report straight away either and now he is facing what I believe what is coming to him.

None of his is your fault though. The fault and blame lies directly with the rapist himself.

There is nothing abnormal about how you feel, everyone processes differently but sexual; abuse and assault always leave an imprint.

I hope the rest of your life is fairly good and stable. x