I’m feeling really angry

[Anne632]

Can someone please help me? I’m feeling angry all the time. Little things are setting me off. I hate myself for shouting at my kids all the time. I really don’t want to be like this. I get stressed over the smallest things e.g. just this week the stress of trying to organise a play date for my DD and a mum being an ass and not responding which I find incredibly rude. Yes yes I know she might be having her own stresses etc. but I find people incredibly rude and in the past I would just avoid but increasingly I’m getting annoyed by everyone. Just today driving into tesco a man stopped in the Middle of car park having a chat with another guy while I was waiting patiently behind him! After a couple of mins I beeped and he carried on talking! I’m getting so fed up of everything

Try some qigong exercises, to reduce your feelings of anger and stress?

I would get a full blood count done @Anne632 . Anemia and B12 deficiency made me like this.

Hormones op, especially if you’re due on now. I get so unnecessarily pissed off when I’m due on my period, I can’t stand my poor dh.

Is that a thing? Im 50 ish I beeped at someone for not going on a green light then apologised to my son because that isn't me! I wasnt even in a rush just pissed off they hadn't gone

Stress and/or hormones. Having young kids fills lots of people with stressy rage. There aren’t enough hours in the day, so everything becomes a huge rush.

Learn deep yoga breathing. Being intentional/mindful with each task. And focus on being kind/empathetic to people. You can’t change others - only your reaction to them. Be aware kids learn how to behave by copying you.

Take it easy 💐

You sound exhausted and unappreciated.
No wonder you’re angry. Something has to change.

People are rude and they are more selfish than they used to be about things like talking at the cinema, not indicating (cars just stop in the middle of the road if they don’t know where they are going rather than park and work it out), pushing in front of you etc. But when you’re feeling okay you can just shrug this off.

However when you are burnt out this kind of thing really starts to get at you, hence the low tolerance. It sounds like the main issue is your husband. Is it worth living with someone who is cold and uncaring. That would definitely eat away at your confidence and resilience. Could you leave him or get some counselling if that’s not possible?

Do you have any friends or family that would help? Even by just coming round and seeing to the children so you could either get on with something else or even better get a rest. Or better get away from everything for a couple of days so you could reset.

The first thing to tell yourself is you’re not a horrible person. We all have our limits and you’ve reached yours. You need support and back up and I think you’d feel a whole lot better. If that’s not possible then find ways to make life easier. Are there low cost counselling places nearby where you could offload? Could you get involved in some calming exercise classes like t’ai chi or yoga? If that’s not for you are there other options like boxercise or martial arts?

What do you do when the kids go to bed? Do you catch up with chores or do you find a relaxing pastime. Maybe stop running yourself ragged and find some restorative activities.

I’m sorry you’re feeling like this but it can get better!

Do you take any vitamins, OP? I’m maybe a similar age to you (32) and my pre-menstrual rage was off the charts. I started taking high doses vitamin b12, magnesium, evening primrose and Agnus Castus and it’s really mellowed me out, I can tell when I’m not taking them! Also try and give yourself something to look forward too, a pedicure, new book, whatever your into!

I would consider talking to a GP about medication

If you can afford it OP I would seriously think about going to a herbalist rather than a GP for any problem related to stress. They work wonders at resetting your system rather than filling it with synthetic chemicals, which might need more synthetic chemicals further down the line to correct ‘side effects’. Herbalists take a more holistic approach, taking account of your lifestyle, current stresses, and most importantly nutrition (we are what we eat after all), to enable you to find a solution that’s sustainable and doesn’t damage your body further. I realise it’s conventional in our culture to go for the chemicals but there is another way, tried and tested over hundreds - sometimes thousands - of years. Wishing you all the best.

To all those people blaming menopause - I'm well beyond that age and I get annoyed all the time!

That’s my guess 😂

I've always been a calm person but in Covid lockdown I can remember just getting bouts of rage and even once punching the pillow on my bed to try get it out. We were affected v badly by lockdown financially and I was stressed to hell.
it’s largely gone now and I wouldn’t give headspace to either of the examples you’re describing. My point is that it was brought on by stress so maybe yours is too?

I hope you havn’t sent any horrible angry messages to another mum just because she hasn’t sorted a play date out. You do need to control yourself or your children will become the kids with “that mum” and more people will ignore your requests for play dates.

Has your husband always been cold or is it a recent thing? Did he start withdrawing after your mood swings started? If you treat people badly, they do tend to go cold.

Herbs are 'chemicals' too 🙄

Is PMDD worth considering? I take SSRIs in the week before my period for this reason, though for me its more anxiety. As soon as I feel the anxiety creep in I take one and then every day until about 3 days into my period. Tried other things first (via GP) but hormonal contraceptives of any kind make me worse. I didn't have this until about 1 year after I stopped breast feeding my youngest so I am wondering if my hormones just never kicked in again in quite the right way.

Well you didn’t give your age in your original post so how were people meant to know you are only 30! You asked for advice so people suggested menopausal rage. It’s a real thing. I went through it myself and felt just as you do. Angry at the world!

Herbal medicine with clinically proven effects are now just called “medicine.”

@CatCaretaker Indeed herbs are chemicals too, but a herb contains a number of different compounds that work together rather than an isolated and synthesised one that only looks after one part of the problem (so as well as containing a natural analgesic a herb will also contain a compound that soothes the stomach lining, for example). The other benefit of a herbalist is they have time to listen and discuss as opposed to the five minute rush at the GP where nothing other than the perceived problem is presented and swiftly medicated without consideration of diet and causes of stress etc. It’s just an idea I thought the OP might be interested in.

I 100% know how you feel. Every turn people seem to piss me off. The snotty cow two doors down that won’t look at us to say hello since we moved in 3 months ago. The twats round the corner I had an altercation with a few days ago over a parking space. I think it might be me!

Herbal medicine with clinically proven effects are now just called “medicine.”

Thats just not true. A large percentage of conventional drugs are made from compounds synthesised from plants, sure, but most haven’t been tested for anywhere near as long as herbal remedies. I’m not against conventional medicine at all - both can exist in symbiosis. I’ve suggested a herbalist to the OP because she’s showing signs of stress (which is something of which I have hideous personal experience) and a herbalist can work wonders as it’s a kinder environment to be treated in and each remedy is finely tailored to the individual. A blood test would also be a good idea but I’d imagine that’ll be ordered by the GP anyway.

Well hormones or not go see a gp before your young children do not need to be with a unhappy mother.

Fully agree...everything is hormonal or menopause on her. Imagine if a man said "you're like that because you're hormonal"

I have anger issues. I can get angry over the stupidest stuff. My material grandmother was the same and most of dad's family. We know we are being stupid having a tantrum over a tiny inconvenience.

So i took action. Read up on it. A lot of it for me was stress about other people who didn't do things thd way I wanted. Once I linked my need to be in control of everything (another flaw i have) i realised that a lot of it is me and that i needed to stop. Take a second. And then approach the situation.

You have small kids op....they can be infuriating. A husband who doesn't seem engaged. Ditto

These are things beyond your control as is the other mum. Concentrate on what you can control. Tell people, calmly, what you are feeling and what you want

Well people are just giving the best advice they have OP.

Some people do have early menopause symptoms, but if you feel it isn't hormonal, I would ask for a psychiatric referral.

Great advice @NotAnotherScarf.

I remember an allegory of a Buddhist monk who was meditating while a dog incessantly barked nearby. Someone asked the monk, doesn’t that dog bother you? The monk said: “What dog?”. That little story helped me a lot over the years. Inner peace comes from staying calm and unshakeable despite what’s happening around you, which you can’t control.