I’m feeling really angry

[Anne632]

Can someone please help me? I’m feeling angry all the time. Little things are setting me off. I hate myself for shouting at my kids all the time. I really don’t want to be like this. I get stressed over the smallest things e.g. just this week the stress of trying to organise a play date for my DD and a mum being an ass and not responding which I find incredibly rude. Yes yes I know she might be having her own stresses etc. but I find people incredibly rude and in the past I would just avoid but increasingly I’m getting annoyed by everyone. Just today driving into tesco a man stopped in the Middle of car park having a chat with another guy while I was waiting patiently behind him! After a couple of mins I beeped and he carried on talking! I’m getting so fed up of everything

You do sound very angry.

I hope I am not mistaken but is it you who posted about trying to set up a playdate and being frustrated that the other woman didn't reply quickly enough?

Just as an example of why I say you come across as angry:
I have had 2 young kids so I know how hard that is but you do seem super spicy about things that are quite common when you are in the season of young kids. People don't always get back to you in accordance with your exact timetable - they have to first read all the billions of other Whatsapps they get/check with OHs/ask the kids/consider fitting in other things during half term eg dentist appointments/hair appointments etc.

And if you are fair, and less angry, your invitation was very opened ended - "I am free all week". You got good advice on that already but I am not not sure why it makes you so angry that maybe another mum who maybe works full time/also has an unhelpful husband/is just tired and exhausted/is just trying to catch up with herself and will get back to you when you can did not respond in accordance with your specific timeline. Your fixation on getting a playdate for your daughter is a priority for you, and you alone, but not necessarily for everyone else who might be juggling other things.

My overall point is that you do seem very angry - I think maybe a GP chat might be in order. Low iron, as mentioned, is a good thing to check on. As already mentioned, depression can manifest as anger. Hormonal checks might be useful - it's best to discuss all these possibilities with a GP.

Also, maybe it is time to think about how to deal with the "cold and unloving husband" because that can't be helping you at all.

Do you get any time to do something nice for yourself? To de-compress? Maybe you could see if you could carve out some time for something that helps you relax and brings you some happiness / joy.

2 young kids
Unsupportive husband
Other stuff going on

You need some self care, some couples therapy,.if you use Twitter etc then stop as that is just full of horrible things.
What's the "other stuff" because that could be what you need to resolve to get some inner peace.

Get off social media and use the time to bring more positivity into your life.

Could be the husband has withdrawn because his wife is angry all the time.

Ask your GP to check your thyroid function.

U can have hormonal imbalance when u are young too! Also check your sugar levels. I
found when I was tired i
would grab for sugar but then my blood sugar would plummet and I was then very irritable.

Have you thought that people are avoiding you because you are not a warm person and come over as unpleasant? Those people are just as busy as you are and probably have their own struggles.
It sounds as though you are depressed. Go and chat to your GP. Tell him/ her what you have told us.
if you are not careful both your children and husband will resent you.

Is your diet good?
You could buy some biokult for microbiome, take fish oil, vit b, c ,d - avoid alcohol. I've been having memory problems and have upped my supplement intake and, though it's possibly placebo, I feel better and at least I am doing something for myself which is a bit cheering. Though I do think a high dose Vit B occasionally does improve my memory.

Sounds like possible burn out to me. I would speak to your GP.

I had a friend exactly like you at 30 and she ended up being diagnosed with depression. Depression doesn't always show up as sadness and 'black fog' it can also be rage and irritability.

I recently read something about “ADHD rage” so that might be worth looking into.

How are you each month when your period is due? Do you notice the anger getting worse? Or is it no different? You could try keeping a mood diary, and see if there is any pattern to your moods.

Anger is sadness turned outwards. Can you see your GP. Well done for realising you’re projecting onto your kids. Hope you can turn things around.x

I am actually due on my period. Yes I’ve noticed I do get more angry leading up to my period

I got like this towards the end of my marriage.

I felt like I couldn’t control my life and was trapped. I became hyper responsive to everything, exactly as you described.

I was just an angry mess to be honest, trying to hold it together. All of those overreactions disappeared when we separated.

Do you want to tell us more about your cold DH? You don’t have to but many people here are very wise and experienced (much better than me!)

Have you have a thyroid test @Anne632?

A friend of mine suddenly developed an overactive thyroid in her 30s and had a real struggle getting it diagnosed because everyone, including her GP put it down to “young mum, overworked, depressed, anxious” etc. They put her on anti depressants (which didn’t really help). She had to insist on a thyroid test (because her father had had an overactive thyroid) and when she finally got one, lo and behold that was the problem.

Her symptoms were mainly that everything annoyed her, but especially the “mess” the children made when playing. So she was constantly angry at them.

Anaemia? I had the same rage when I was anaemic

She’s said she’s nearing 30. Too young for the menopause.

I was about to say we don’t even know what age Op is and why so quick to blame hormones.

OP how did you end up marrying and having kids with a cold and unloving man? Was he always like this? How does his coldness manifest?

I’d say this is at the root of it or a pretty big cause of it anyway and if your feelings intensify while on your period I wouldn’t necessarily say that means it can all be down to hormones . I think the root cause of the anger is something in your life.

‘My DH is cold and unloving’

Understandable to feel angry.

Read that there is a big hormone crash after having DC, I had a range of symptoms when DC were small, including bad PMS.

@Anne632 You really don't have to get the book.
"Let them" is a mindset where you acknowledge that you can't control other people and that you're only responsible for yourself. I don't think this applies to your situation at all. That would mean that you would just stay behind the men blocking you in the parking for ex. "Let them" theory can be applied where other people's behaviour doesn't really affect you.

What could help is having an invisible list in your head for ex workmates/school mums etc. One "good enough" list (because noone is perfect) and one "fuck off" list where you put people who are rude/flaky. Try to put fick off list in trash folder so they don't get any bandwidth.

Also, I think living with someone you can't stand is a good reason to feel angry all the time. Why would you subject yourself to that?

Lifestyle factors such as lack of sleep and alcohol are known triggers for emotional distress so see if you can change something there.

Number one for me would be getting a divorce though.

Over stretched mum of young children

some cbt might really help. Esp rational Cbt. Plus a look at the balance of things in your life.

exercise eg swimming too.

the chimp paradox book is useful

Chronic stress and lack of sleep caused this for me

I suppose worth checking with Gp as some women can start young.

Much more likely the rest of it though!

Changing to mini pill has really helped me to manage PMS rage, may be worth asking your GP - if this is an option for you.

I also think people are generally less considerate and tolerant of each other, so both sides fuel the rage. The space invaders and mouth breathers are my triggers. Sometimes, watching some comedy like Friends or Frasier just helps to lighten the mood.

I had this when my second was very young. It was sleep deprivation and I think PND/ changing hormones after giving birth and not being able to cope with splitting myself between two childrn (I'm an only child). It lasted about a year when she was a toddler. I would move heaven and earth to get the sleep and occasional time out you need OP. Make sure you are eating right too (iron, B12) and get everyone out for a walk every day.