Email/messaging etiquette

[AnnoyingMessages]

I have a family member whose messages are really frustrating. They send important emails at least three times in a row in case the first one didn’t arrive. They CAPITALISE to emphasise, often. They use multiple questions marks like “Did you get my email??????” They keeping asking me to message them my email address even though it hasn’t changed in 20 years and it’s just my name. If I don’t reply very quickly they think I’m ignoring them on purpose and being rude. The whole feeling from their messages is very aggressive, and I’m never sure if I’ve pissed them off or not but it feels like I have and their messages put me on edge.

They are in their 70s and are reasonably computer/smart phone savvy. I don’t know if I should just put it down to different generation and let it go each time or call them up on it. I did mention it some of these things early on when they first started using emails and messaging but it obviously didn’t stick.

I would ignore the CAPITAL letters and the way the email is written but I would tell them that you aren’t constantly checking your email and sometimes don’t see an email for several hours or until the next day so please don’t worry if they don’t get an immediate response. I’m sure that if there was a real emergency they would phone or text you.

Tell them straight that their emails are way too pushy, shouty and aggressive. Tell them it’s stressing you out and putting you off emailing with them. If it continues, don’t reply. They can call you if it’s truly urgent (although maybe you don’t want that either)

I have friends that age who are fine with emails but they all used emails in work before retirement.

What kind of things are they emailing and messaging you about? Are they important? Can you ignore?

Most people in their 70s would have used email for many years before retirement so they should know better.
Really if it's genuinely urgent then a phone call, not urgent a WhatsApp. Using email for normal family conversation is a bit odd unless sending documents.

The emails are semi-important but hardly ever urgent - family admin type stuff, sorting out important documents, when to meet up. Not family gossip.

That’s a good point, they had a professional career and used emails back before retirement. I doubt they are now capitalising everything and sending 5 copies of the same email to their accountant or solicitor. It’s just me they are sending stressful emails to then.

I don’t think this is a question of email etiquette per se. It’s just the individual.

It's not etiquette and it's nothing to do with age; nobody behaves like this unless they are in a state of anxiety or perhaps fury, or even cognitive problems.
You could try replying 'Yes I got your first email, I am busy and can't always read it or reply immediately so please give me at least a full day before you get in touch again. I am finding all your messages stressful! Thanks'.

I think that’s it - they live and act from a place of anxiety and fear. They’ve always been like this and are offended when I try to call them up on it.

With the emails they aren’t waiting for a reply. It’s literally three or more with the same
time stamp, so within seconds of each other. It’s in case the first ones didn’t arrive which makes no sense I know.

If you have tried explaining face to face that you can't reply immediately to emails because you are too busy, the only thing is to ignore them, or just reply to the first of the series, 'Thanks will respond tomorrow'. Try not to let it get to you. Maybe a Rule that automatically moves the messages into a separate folder would make them less intrusive?

I have one family member who insists I confirm receipt of every email. Out of the hundreds I receive every week. It’s tedious but if I don’t do it I get told off. They enjoy having a go at me so it’s worth conforming to the demand to avoid the hassle.