Disliking going away

[Mollymoppett]

All I seem to do lately is complain. I had life changing injury and life is difficult . I’m married long term to what increasingly feels like a man child. We’ve come away for a few days and I’m hating it - I dont feel great I can’t eat because of my gut problem long story and I feel exhausted- I’d much rather be at home yet it’s always me who is the misery he’s always up for everything. I just don’t feel like we should even be together anymore - my disability just doesn’t give him the life he needs and I feel like a disappointment
can anyone relate? AIBU to never want to go away and feel more comfortable at home

I’m a homebody too, I like my own bed and I guess I’m set in my ways. I deal with this by doing an adventure holiday with DH for a few days every year, he does the adventurous stuff while I watch and applaud. I
also rope in our adult DC to do all the activities I am not interested in, so I’m not viewed as a total killjoy. Given the choice, it would be an early night with my kindle every time.

There's more to a marriage than constantly being up for holidays, and multiple ways to be a good partner, so you shouldn't let a difference in health and some restrictions on what you do cause you to think he 'deserves more'.
You've had a big life change that means you both need to rethink how you approach certain things. The obvious one here being that he goes on holiday and you stay home. Then you reconnect with the things you can both do.

I like going away but surely there can be something for both of you away? A relaxing hotel with a spa if that suits you, and he can go off and do something he enjoys?

Completely pointless going away in the circumstances you describe @Mollymoppett. I hope you can explain this to the man child.

I’d just like to say thank you, I do feel he deserves more because of what happened to me, a hysterectomy left me with 3 stoma bags and it’s been a completenightmare, lied to, medical misogyny very long story, I feel like a mutilated booby prize, I am having counselling but no one can turn the clock back.
it’s hard to say I deserve happiness to.
thsnk you

I'm sorry to hear that. That's a huge adjustment for you and if the stomas are on the contrary side it can make it very difficult to plan or enjoy things and your energy saps so quickly. It's perfect understandable you feel more comfortable at home, and that you feel miserable at times.
You've been dealt some rotten luck and absolutely deserve happiness. Start with the things you do enjoy now rather than trying to tolerate the old ones.

Could he just be trying to show you that you can still do all things you used to do before your disability? But not really understanding what you actually need and want to do now?

Basically, he may just feel the need to cheer you up all the time. So his enthusiasm for holidays for you both to enjoy maybe coming from the fact that he loves you dearly and doesn’t want life to stop for you.

It could just take an honest conversation about the things you like to do now. Once he knows you’re content with not going away and just having a more relaxed lifestyle he may relax too and stop worrying about whether you’re happy or not.

Sorry you're having such a rough time. :(