To think that making more friends isn’t the solution to loneliness?

[wakeuppp]

I say this as I actually have a lot of friends but I still struggle with feelings of loneliness. I think because realistically friends just aren’t always or even often going to be available, and a lot of the time they are going to want to be with their own families.

That was a very unpleasant reply @SoBoredOfSelfDoubtHowToGetOut

There no such thing as loneliness being "fine" because it's a negative feeling in itself. You can feel no ill effects from being alone but that's not the same thing as loneliness.

If you think that was unpleasant then it seems like you live a very sheltered life.

Ok. You tell me how I feel. Do you do that a lot? Explain to others how they feel?

You didn't read what I wrote. It is not "fine" for you or any one to be lonely. You maybe able to cope with it but it is unarguable that healthwise and mentally is actively bad for you long term.

It's a stupid as saying 'it's fine to drink a bottle of vodka a day". Sure it maybe 'fine' for some people short term. They are still alive and coping 'fine'.Objectively though it is damaging for your health in the long term.

Unpleasant as deliberate provocation is, it shouldn't be left hanging because others really struggling may read this. Coping & claiming to find it 'fine' is not the same as it not being damaging.Even I can see this and I "cope".

Spite isn’t a good look whether someone is sheltered or otherwise.

Quite. The actual dictionary definition is:

Lonely (adjective meaning unhappy due to a lack of company).

It's not "fine" to be lonely for anybody because it causes unhappiness.

I think that some people do deal better with being alone than others, which 100% isn’t a dig at anybody. For me every so often I realise I am carrying everything alone and I guess that does overwhelm me a bit. It’s a temporary feeling thankfully but it isn’t something that is solved by clubs or friends or hobbies.

I think it's possible with small kids to be so busy you crave pockets of alone time in a silent room with no demands on you and yet still be lonely.

If you are a single or lone parent, this feeling can be awful. I had it after I was widowed. That feeling that you are completely on your own to make all decisions. Possibly sadness you aren't in that couple and experiencing a sharing of life, but little opportunity to change it at that timepoint. It's not easy, OP, and with smaller children, seeing friends becomes a logistical organizational task, not always a companionable outing. Things do change as they age.

Absolutely!

Spite? Dearie me. What are you on about?

You have a good username as I am so bored of this. You were being spiteful to a poster who opened up about multiple bereavements and feeling bereft and empty in the light of that. Your response was ‘It might not be fine for you. It is for me.’ It was purposefully unsympathetic and rather cruel.

Actually I don't think this is terrible advice, if worded a bit brusquely. We create an awful lot of our own pain by refusing to accept things as they are. Acceptance of a situation doesn't mean you're wedded to it, thats just how things are right now.

I largely ignored the initial post because it wasn’t really relevant. My objection was the follow up in response to someone opening up about bereavements, which is when we generally feel a bit fragile anyway.

I absolutely agree. It's amazing the amount of threads on here of people losing their marbles about UPF food yet at the same time completely fine with being lonely and having no friends.

Being lonely isn't "fine". Far from it. Studies show chronic lonielness and lack of social connection increase risk of premature death by about 25%. It's been well documented how it can contribute towards dementia and a whole host of other physical and mental health conditions.

It's absolutely not something we should be encouraging people to accept or be "fine" with. Having connections and good social relationships is essential to good health and wellbeing and something we as a society need to take more seriously.

I think being alone is "fine", if you're self-sufficient, very introverted, prefer your own company, whatever. It might not be ideal overall but many people prefer or at least are satisfied with solitary lives.

Being lonely isn't, because as @AMarkAMissionABrandAScar the whole meaning of the term is linked with unhappiness at the state of feeling/being alone.