Caeliac AIBU

[Pappybear]

We have family visiting next week. Their 12 year old son has caeliac disease. I am very aware how serious this can be for him, and how tough it is to make some people aware that this isn’t just an “intolerance”.

However, in-laws are incredibly controlling about it (which I understand might be a coping mechanism/ entirely necessary) and we have been given a long list of requirements for their visit. Which include deep cleaning the entire house, for our children to not consume any gluten around their child, and for us to not consume non-gluten free beer around them. So basically the entire house has to go completely gluten free whilst they are here. Fine, but they also won’t cook gluten free from out pans etc so we need to get take outs every night that they are here, from entirely gluten-free restaurants. Gluten free options are not acceptable, which I get becuase maybe they don’t know how safe those restaurants are with cross contamination.

It makes the whole visit so stressful every time they come. And my question is AIBU in thinking they could life much easier for themselves, us and their child if they were a bit more flexible in terms of their expectations?

Or is this unreasonable of me and a weeks inconvenience for us is nothing compared to the inconvenience they have to deal with everyday. Just after some perspective, because they’re so prescriptive that I don’t know if this is what everyone with caeliac has to deal with.

I'm GF, not celiac, but I'm not sure I've ever come across a completely GF restaurant. Are you in a big city? I've cooked for my celiac friend before. I bought a new chopping board but everything else was stainless steel. I think I did jacket potatoes and lots of toppings, which were mostly prepackaged. I used baking paper under the potatoes to be extra safe and bought prepackaged desserts.

You can’t be flexible about coeliacs. I completely understand why they are so strict. We have a family member with coeliacs and I’ve witnessed how poorly gluten can make them.

You have to be really careful. When my family member comes, we go totally gluten free. It’s the only way to be sure.

Also, the coeliac society accredit restaurants that have a good level of procedures to prevent cross contamination (eg pizza express because they have good staff training and stuff like (for example) separate utensils, prep areas and ovens. It does still require that humans don't make mistakes which I get can be scary but it's a bit extreme to limit yourself to entirely GF restaurants which are rare outside large cities

I have coeliac disease, and I do completely understand the problem with cross contamination and how difficult it can be to eat in other people’s houses. I get anxious about eating baked/home made foods from non-coeliac house holds, because some people really don’t understand that ‘one crumb from the butter dish’ can make me ill for weeks.

That said, it’s perfectly possible to maintain a gluten free area for him and these demands are excessive. I’m not sure what the solution is though, sorry.

It'll be cheaper to buy a whole new set of cheap pans than it would be for everyone to eat takeaway every night for a week.
Foil trays are a good shout too.

How are they about your plates etc?

You can buy glutenfree cereals. I have my own boxes. Rest of family have their boxes. They don't mix.
It's really not a big thing.

Yes they do exists. Bakeries and cafees too.

If im going somewhere, and im unsure if cross contamination is a possibility, id take my own food. Id batch cook and freeze, take my own bread, spreads etc. Any equipment (though as another poster said, coeliac society say these are fine if cleaned properly) Is he fairly recently diagnosed? Is it extremely severe? How does he cope at school, or out and about? How are you going to source 3 gf takeaways a day? And where is this paradise with so many gf takeaways?

Two of my close friends have coeliac disease and neither of them insist on this kind of thing.

They explain about cross-contamination and that they can't have stuff that 's been prepared on the same board or put on the same plate as non-GF food and so on, but they don't demand that other people eat gluten-free around them or deep-clean their homes, and they certainly don't refuse to eat food cooked from other people's pans.

They're both the only coeliacs in their families and their husbands and kids eat gluten. They just take reasonable precautions to separate gluten products from GF products and have separate chopping boards and so on.

I know exactly how Coeliac works, as I e had a child with Coeliac since he was 3, and my DH is a Dr.
Anyway, do whatever works for you and say what you want to say. I’m not here to argue with anyone!

Sorry, can I ask where you live that there are multiple completely gluten free takeaway options?? I live in a major city in the NW and don't have that 🤯

As a coeliac, I would much rather trust eating at someone elses house than from a restaurant where I dont know their handling and cross contamination prevention techniques. Clean pans etc is fine, they're being ott. So is others not eating gluten in the same room

Then they absolutely should NOT be visiting. They're treating him like the Boy in the Bubble.

That's up to them, but it's not up to them to dump that at your door. And again, you WILL get the blame if he gets sick.

And btw, the deep cleaning the home thing is absolutely batshit, Boy in the Bubble stuff for sure.

They need to stay home or take their travelling circus elsewhere.

I am gluten free (NCGS - but have to be very strict with CC).

Pots and pans should be fine. Chopping boards can be an issue as well a wooden spoons, which I saw someone mention previously. When I go on holiday I have a full 'toolkit' of stuff, it makes things much easier.

I don't think either of you being U, but I do think they should bring their own cooking stuff if they are concerned.

Very easy to all eat GF dinners for a few days, almost every dinner can be made GF easily anyway.

It is hard to understand the anxiety if you haven't been through it.

"Which include deep cleaning the entire house, for our children to not consume any gluten around their child, and for us to not consume non-gluten free beer around them. So basically the entire house has to go completely gluten free whilst they are here...They also won’t cook gluten free from out pans etc so we need to get take outs every night that they are here, from entirely gluten-free restaurants. Gluten free options are not acceptable, which I get because maybe they don’t know how safe those restaurants are with cross contamination. It makes the whole visit so stressful every time they come."

"We will get a separate toaster and chopping board and will thoroughly clean everything. Gluten free food will be kept separately from other food. He doesn’t have contact dermatitis from it. I think they just want to avoid any potential exposure. I don’t think it will be possible to find a gluten free restaurant for every night. Suspect it will be the same one or two each evening.'

"We can scrub ours pans thoroughly and have bought new cloths and scrubbing brushes for this purpose!"

I wonder who's paying for this travelling circus.

If this is the level they feel they have to go to, and feel they must inflict this stress and worry and extra cost on other people in their home just to visit (and more since the OPs says "includes so that won't be the full list of demands) this family should simply not be visiting.

I live with a coeliac and we have to be very careful of cross contamination. However, their demands are batshit and incredibly entitled ( unless they’re offering to pay for all these takeaways and deep clean your house for you).

Things like the GF foods having their own shelf in the fridge /freezer and oven are important. Always the top shelf so no risk of crumbs falling down. I always use foil on a baking tray when cooking something GF and never use the toaster unless with a toaster bag. Always use different cutlery when stirring stuff in pans. Give the coeliac their own butter and always have sauces in squeezy bottles.

Check all ingredients, even ones you wouldn’t think contain gluten. Remember it’s not just wheat, barley is another one.

As others have said, it’s far more risky getting a takeaway than eating food prepared in front of you.

You can have a very serious reaction to cross contamination with celiac disease, using other people's pots and pans etc is a no no.

Asking you to be gluten free sounds like they're concerned about you kissing / touching the child as this can cause a reaction, for instance if you drink a beer then give the kid a peck on the cheek a few hours later, they can have a reaction to it.

They sound very stressed about the whole situation but then, they're open to takeaways which does contradict all of that really.

I would message them, and say you would not be able to guarantee the safety of your home. and it would be best if they grab a Premier Inn this time . How on earth do manage eveyday life ! My Sis is gluten free as well ,she asked for 1 gluten free loaf and some bananas !

Agree. I am honestly convinced too that somehow OP will get the blame for something.

People who are this high needs and demanding are just too exhausting to host, even if they have their own good reasons for it.

I will admit, they lost me at deep cleaning the house and ordering in takeaways which is far less safe than food made at home.

We are a coeliac household. Their demands are ridiculous! When we visit family, we make sure there is new butter / spreads etc so there is no possible contamination. we take our own toaster or use toaster bags. Grills etc have foil on them for the gluten free options.

There can be an issue with non stick pans if they are scratched. But stainless steel / metal are fine.

Other people eating gluten nearby is not an issue as it is not airborne. But they may be concerned about their child feeling like he is missing out. As others have said, school will not be gluten free so they should be used to this at 12!

I would recommend a snack box clearly labelled with gluten free snacks - it is likely from what you say that they run a gluten free household so child may not think to check food before eating when at home. Be clear to label well!

We rarely eat out as the likelihood of cross contamination is much greater in a takeaway / restaurant. Much better to plan a menu of gluten free options. Though if you are not used to it, there is a lot to check eg stock cubes / crisps / sauces, even squash - gluten gets everywhere :-)

I would also ask before getting gluten free food in - my children have definite preferences and they find it awkward when people have helpfully bought gluten free snacks etc that they don't actually like! Particularly for things like bread / breakfast cereal.

You might need to have a conversation to let them know that their demands are not practical. But tell them what you can do eg fresh butter etc, separate chopping boards, clear labelling. Where we live there is only one takeway we trust, not a change we would manage a week!

Good luck!

An extra toaster? For a week. Tbh no way I would pay.
The parents can go and buy one at arrival if they need it. The child can be fed without an extra toaster or simply use toaster bags made for this issue.

This is what I’m trying to understand. If we / they thoroughly wash our pots and pans with new cloths are they still a contamination risk? And how??

We won’t be kissing their son, but I’m interested to hear that this would cause a reaction a few hours after drinking. I did not know that could happen!

It cant

They're being ridiculous

A kiss on the cheek cannot induce a coeliac flare up. The gluten has to be INGESTED

This.

My FIL was diagnosed with coeliac in his 60s. He has always been hard work, and the diagnosis escalated everything. After a year or two GF, as his physical health improved his mental health also improved and he actually began to be less hard work in many ways. But he transferred many of his anxieties to gluten contamination.

After a few years, they came to stay with us again for the first time since his diagnosis. I scrubbed the kitchen from top to bottom, taped shut cupboards containing gluten foods, put away wooden utensils, and bought new packets of GF versions everything that he might eat (jam, butter, ketchup etc). I had been carefully briefed by MIL and had done my own research with the Coeliac Society website. I had also hosted a coeliac friend many times, so none of this was actually new to me.

FIL was ill when they arrived back at their home. He refused to come for a few years. Next time they came I did exactly the same things, only this time I took them both around the kitchen, spelling out everything that I had done. Lo and behold: FIL did not get ill.

Coeliac is genuine and is serious. Contamination risk is genuine and is serious.

Excessive control is anxiety. Their anxiety. Nothing you can do will be good enough to quiet that anxiety. They have to make up their own minds to do that.

If your pans are metal, no issue. If they are non-stick is could be an issue.