To say my mum is not suitable childcare

[Qb2654]

DD with complex SEND needs and new additional diagnosis of type 1 diabetes. She already attended a specialist provision and Im solo parent of her and younger brother who also has a EHCP.

DD can no longer access short break provision due to newest diagnosis, they cant manage the complexity of her needs. Her 95k a year specialist school are struggling to manage her needs. Trying to see if we can access some form of holiday respite and being told to just use my mum by social care.

My mum can't manage her needs. I dont trust my mum to manage her needs. My mum spent the majority of my life an alcoholic, to the point she very nearly died with multi organ failure and has ongoing complications from the harm alcohol did to her. She openly tells me she can't cope with DD, that DD makes her scared she will drink again. Everyone pressured me to let her look after DD as a toddler, which I did against my better judgement and I walked in to my toddler DD with a half drunk bottle of wine in her hands. I adore my mum, as does DD but adoring her and spending time with her is a very different scenario to leaving her in charge of looking after my complex needs child. It has been 6 weeks since diagnosis and my mum has zero inclination to know how to look after her. Tried to show her how to do an injection 3 times and she still isnt comfortable doing it.

Am I wrong to push back and say she is not appropriate care?

Obviously not. Tell them very firmly there would be safeguarding concerns and ask about what they can offer

YANBU, quite the opposite in fact.
Im sorry I have no more helpful suggestions, the system is entirely broken and its people like you and your children who are being failed the most.

Obviously you know the answer to this.

She's obviously not fit to be the caregiver for a child with complex medical needs. She's a long term alcoholic and quite possibly has cognitive impairment from that along with her physical issues. Yes, you have to push back with that's not happening. Nothing worse than when a kid ends up hospitalized because the system is pushing its own agenda rather than looking out for the best interests of the child.

No - you need to flat out refuse in the strongest terms. They need to operate as though she doesn't exist. Have you told them she's an alcoholic? I appreciate you may not want to share her private medical info, but I think it needs to be very clear that she's not capable of looking after any child, let alone your DD.

Thank you. They've made me feel like im going crazy and being stubborn just to get something we aren't entitled to.

Cognitively, my mum absolutely is not there. I provide a fair bit of support to my mum and she is fragile in what she can manage. It would be setting her up to fail and placing DD at significant risk.

It would be irresponsible to let her look after your child.

I think you need to put it in writing and state it in the terms that make it clear that social services are choosing to put your child at risk - "I am being asked to put my child at significant risk by placing her in the care of an alcoholic who has cognitive impairment and is not capable of providing safe care of a child with significant needs"

They're pushing you to leave your child with someone you know is incapable of caring for her.

Would a reasonable person leave their child with complex medical issues with an alcoholic who has cognitive impairment and is unable to care for her?

No. To do so would make you negligent. They're pushing a negligent plan of care because your mother is not capable of doing her care. They are not concerned with your daughter's welfare if you've shared your mother's physical and mental issues with them.

Presumably this is the same social services that would question your judgement if you left your DD in your DM's care and she came to harm.

Honestly I feel for you. It is families like yours that I would like our tax dollars to be spent on - you need the support through no fault of your own and I really hope you get it.