Should we pay for daughter's celebratory meal

[Eluj]

Our daughter married long term partner abroad . She asked if we minded if they just had a quiet cremony in a registry office with no guests. We said it was fine by us so long as they are happy and its what they want. She has come to UK ( although living abroad) to see my parents and my sister directly after marriage abd we have all agreed to have a nice meal in a restaurant to welcome newly weds. I think we should pay the resurant bill ( 9 of us) Husband says no.
Am I being unreasonable to insist we pay bill. We can afford it.

I don't think you should override what your husband thinks. You are both right in a way.

No answer about whether he is the bio dad. I’m guessing not

If you can comfortably afford it then yes.

OP you haven’t said why he doesn’t want to pay.

Of course you should pay.
Your tight arse husband should be thinking up a congratulationary toast to them both.

Be lateral thinking and extend the invitation to a handful of other very close friends or family of the couple too.
Bring some flowers. How exciting and wonderful!

Why are you never ever going to tell any of us, despite repeated requests, what your husband's justification was for not being prepared to treat to dinner his newly married daughter who had not even asked him to spend a fortune on a fancy wedding? It is the key bit of information here!

This.
He sounds incredibly mean, since you said he acknowledged they were saving you lots of money by having such a small wedding.

I would go ahead and do it anyway. He doesn't have to come if he objects so much. But if he does, having made such a big deal about it I would expect him to pay for himself.

The normal thing would be for you to pay, I think. Weird that he doesn't want to. Does he have a problem with your daughter? Is she not his daughter? Even if she's not his bio daughter, weird that he doesn't want to pay to be honest.
What a turn off!

I would absolutely want to pay for this, it would be a lovely thing to do.

YABU to leave out the important detail.

WHY does your husband say no?

@Eluj Has he explained why he doesn't want to pay for the meal? To me, it would seem a no-brainer.

Or is there a backstory about your side of the family always expecting to be treated by you and he's fed up with it?

One of my DH's sisters is abit like this and we're abit fed up tbh.

Of course not unreasonable. This is the type of thing my mum would pay for even if it wasn’t to celebrate a wedding, just as a family get together. Think of it as a wedding gift

Exactly. It makes no sense. As others have said a meal for nine if you can afford it is an average Sunday.

what’s the drip feed?

I wonder why you’re not answering on why he doesn’t wish to, clearly you don’t have to, it’s interesting you won’t,

Yip, but we still get pages and pages of people racing to give the most extreme insults towards someone when they don't actual know the reason and the o.p hasn't answered

This place is just full of performing seals who get joy out of throwing insults around.

Just tell him you've decided you will be doing this. It will be so nice - and at the end before the bill comes you (or your dh if he goes along with it - or both) can thank everyone for coming and wish the new husband and wife joy and happiness together. It will make it much more of an occasion than up to 9 people whipping out credit cards to split the bill.

The lack of the most important peice of information hasn't stopped most people from running to judgement

Of course you should pay.
if my parents could afford it, I’d be upset if they didn’t!

Is it possible that he thinks she would not welcome it? Maybe she sees people paying for things as controlling or making it about them, and that’s why she wanted a quiet wedding? Just ask your child first before assuming the worst of your DH.

I'm guessing he's really hurt by not getting to see her married? And if he's accepted that she didn't want the normal wedding, he's respecting her rejection of the traditional notion parents pay for things.

Your dd and SIL have saved money by not having a wedding so they should be able to afford the meal.

Would the meal be your wedding present from
you and DH or would you give a present as well
as paying for the meal?

What sort of bloke WOULDN’T pick up the tab?

Had they wanted a big wedding with all the trimmings, wouldn’t you have contributed towards that at all? Picking up the bill for a meal for party of 9 sounds a lot cheaper than contributing to 130 guests and a marquee / hotel.

Is he usually so mean and stingy?

Why? Are you not grown adults with incomes of your own?

Why are you refusing to say why he doesn't want to pay @Eluj ?

Why've you made this about you?