A bit miffed

[StuckGamingAgain]

Reconnected with a friend that I haven't seen in a long time as she had some problems and had to leave the area to care for an elderly relative for several months. So it ended up being almost one year that we didn't see each other and had very little contact. She lost contact with quite a few other friends but was with family over in Wales.

She came back earlier in the year and got in touch. She mentioned that she owed me money. It was £40. I told her not to worry about it. So we arranged to go out and have a proper catch up. She cancelled on me saying she had no money. I said no problem, to just come out and I would buy drinks and food if we decided to eat. When we met, the first thing she told me was she had just had her hair, eyebrows and nails done the day before. I tried not to feel miffed, also knowing that she is very, very particular about her appearance, whilst I am a lot more laid back. We're all different.

So I spent about £50 on drinks and food... this is according to her. She was literally doing mental arithmetic as we sat there. I said to relax and just enjoy the evening and she could sort it out another time. She promised she was getting paid the following week and would pay me back straight away.

We met up the following evening and she bought me a drink, reminding me she owed me. It was quite late and I was expecting to be actually paid back, either cash or a bank transfer. I thought OK, I'll wait and see what she says. Around half an hour later, some other friends that neither of us had seen came over, so I didn't want to say anything. Her next drink, she went to the bar, bought herself a bottle of wine and got a round in for the other two friends. I decided to go home as I had an early start the next day and left them to it.

I'm still waiting. She has texted about going out again and having a weekend away! I haven't responded.

I feel put out because I did say paying me back the next week would be fine. I'm starting to think she had no intention of doing so and thought she could buy a few drinks and that would be enough. I accepted one drink from her.

Now I know how it can be easy to get into money trouble. I have been there and am still extricating myself from certain situations where financially, I was not the best. But this stings.

Would I be unreasonable to want nothing more to do with this person?

Sounds to me shes panicking over what she owes you, so id give her till Friday on friday text her your bank details and how much she owes you.

As the saying goes, you've learned a lesson. She's happy spending money on herself and others in front of you, whilst saying she's low on funds. It's behaviour I don't understand and wouldnt appreciate. Don't put yourself in that position again, even if you do continue the friendship.

You told her not to worry about the £40 and then you told her it didn’t matter that she didn’t have any money and you would pay for drinks and food not to worry and enjoy the evening and then agreed when she would pay you back? And that time is not yet? Is that correct? Because if so she hasn’t done anything wrong that I can see . Maybe dont persuade her to go out when shes told you shes skint so her debt to you is bigger, that could be a good start.

She has no intention of paying you.

She's one of those people who thinks that because she has said 'I should really send that money to you', that her job is done.

You need to be clear with her.

Text her 'can you transfer me the £xx money you owe me to xx bank account'.

And please never pay for her again. If she hasn't got money, meet her for a walk in the park.

If you're thinking of losing her from your life completely over this ("nothing more to do with this person") it seems you'd have nothing to lose by having an honest conversation with her.

E.g., "I said I was fine waiting to be paid back because I thought your were flat broke, but seeing you flashing the cash with other friends made me feel shit".

The worst that can happen is you're where you are now (planning on not seeing her at all again), but the best is a proper open conversation where you can move forwards with the friendship on a more healthy footing.

You are leaping to cutting her off with no middle way which is a bit harsh.
Ask her for your money and dont sub her again

I'm sorry OP but it very much sounds as though she got back in touch because she sees you as a soft touch. She thinks she can sponge off you and because of your kind nature you will allow her to.

I think the biggest indicator of her priorities is buying herself a bottle of wine and treating other people in front of you after pleading poverty. Not to mention the money she spent on grooming herself which most people in difficult financial straits would count as luxury they couldn't afford.

I don't think she is your friend. I think she thinks she can use you. Even if it means writing off money she already owes you I would cut ties with her because other wise she will continue to sponge, borrow and give empty promises.

This. She thinks talking about paying you back is the same thing as actually doing it. And she’s rubbing your nose in her haircuts and bottles of wine and whatever. She’s pulling your pants down, OP. Out of touch is where she should have stayed.