To buy only for nephews, not for DS & DBIL

[Travelfairy]

Background, have a very fake relationship with DS. We have nothing in common apart from blood. I suspect she has a personality disorder but that's another thread.

She sent me a msg last week as an FYI that she's invited my DM to hers for dinner and 'shes coming so you eont get to see her Xmas day Fyi"
She sees this as some kind of point scoring. Anyway despite us not being welcome in her house Xmas day which btw is a 2 minute walk she will get gifts for us and kids and expects same in return.
I suggested just buy for kids as too costly etc, she got into a mood and DM text me about how she loves buying presents etc
I have said this for the past couple of years but she always insists on buying even though ahe is otherwise very unkind to me and kids.
DH saying we should take a stand this year and just give for kids and maybe put a bottle of wine in the bag. What do you think?
AIBU to do that?
YABU- just keep the peace, do what she wants (again) and buy her and BIL gifts
YANBU - sounds like you dont get along plus there's a CoL crisis, if you are not even welcome at the house why buy gifts (but still buy for nephews who are innocent)

That should say dsis. I cant edit it for some reason

I'd text her saying "just buying for the kids this year not the adults fyi"

Then just buy for the kids. She is odd with you anyway so how much worse can it get. Ignore your mum. She just wants to wave a wand and have her two daughters get on beautifully - so she will put pressure on you to give in as she probably can't get your sister to do anything. just ignore it.

Mind you I find it ridiculous buying presents for adults and we stopped it years ago.

I’d also message ‘FYI we’re only buying gifts for children this year, so don’t bother buying Christmas gifts for us. Hope you have a lovely Christmas Day!’

Stand your ground with your mum. She must see that you don’t get on? Tell her your sister’s moods aren’t your problem, and you’re not going to keep talking about it. Your sister doesn’t even want to see you on Christmas Day, so you’re baffled why presents are so important to her. Rinse and repeat.

Yeah I’d just be direct and tell her you are just buying for the kids. My SIL did this as she’s on extended maternity and if anything for me it was a huge bonus not having to spend so much. If she decides to get you something don’t feel bad, that’s her prerogative

You don't need to ask her permission to change who you buy for. Clearly there's an unhelpful family dynamic which your mum's encouraging by getting involved in this discussion.
Just send a message saying "we're only buying for the children this year, please do the same for us"

Thanks for all the replies. I am always second guessing myself because its always me who is in the wrong 🙄 i love the fyi idea!!!

Your DHs idea is great! Winding down on the adult present gradually. Wine this year, nothing next year.

If you’re not even welcome in her house, I would go very low contact and stop all presents, even to nephew. Tell her you’re no longer doing presents.

I can’t understand why this is even an issue for a household you’re not welcome to visit . Just do what you suggest . A gift for the children and a bottle for the table to cheers in Christmas Day . Strange . Nothing to do with your DM because she can do what she does and you do you .