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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Moving abroad has made me realise how bloody dire the UK is

420 replies

MattHancocksPrivateNurse · Today 16:36

We moved abroad 4 months ago and after the normal wobbles and adjustments I am now shocked at how different (and much better!) life is. We have considerably more spending money despite paying for private school and healthcare (which are much much better than the UK). It’s safer, considerably cleaner, better public services and much better food quality.

already I can’t see us ever going back and already want to explore somewhere new eventually! But if anyone is feeling low and despondent about the uk which we really were and gets an opportunity (or has a transferable job) I would 100000% recommend looking into it.

i wish we had done it 10 years ago tbh. AIBU to never come back bar the odd visit to see family and friends?!

OP posts:
Acafan · Today 18:16

But when you say "without risk of violence and sexual assault," you mean you - a wealthy, Western, expat, living in an expat/gated community, with resources - don't have that risk. Presumably that doesn't extend to Omani women who aren't protected by law against marital rape, and domestic workers from India etc. who have very little protection in law from cruel employers.

It's pretty nice being a wealthy expat in most places in the world. I imagine it's pretty good in the UK, too. It's not indicative of what life is like for most of the population.

HappydaysArehere · Today 18:16

To each his own. However, 4 months is such a short time to decide on the long term practicalities of living abroad. The climate and the political situation is not something I would want. I hope you and your family continue to enjoy life in Oman and all will continue to suit you.

JLou08 · Today 18:17

Pinkflamingo10 · Today 16:58

Just pray none of your children turn out to be gay. Or want any pre-marital relationships.

Or become disabled and don't have the same privileged earning potential their parents have. I guess they could always come back to the UK and reap the benefits if that happened.
Or decide to act like typical teens and rebel, especially if there is a girl. I know teens can put themselves in danger in the UK but the risk to a drunken girl walking around at night will be much higher in the middle east.

tommyhoundmum · Today 18:17

MattHancocksPrivateNurse · Today 16:41

We’ve moved to the Oman which I know mumsnet hates the ME but so far it’s been great. Husbands insurance is covered, ours was £3000 for myself and 3 kids for very good coverage. No I will take Arabic lessons and kids learn it in school but everyone speaks English!

I've never heard it referred to as the Oman

issyforqueen · Today 18:17

PinkyFlamingo · Today 18:15

Dream on FFS 🤣🤣

I know! I would laugh but it's so tragic!

SometimesthingsMatter · Today 18:19

Give it a few years, and then come and update. 4 months is nothing.

JLou08 · Today 18:20

MattHancocksPrivateNurse · Today 17:09

Yes we are on a work visa. I don’t think we will be here forever at all but we will definitely move somewhere else rather than back home to the UK.

im not saying Oman is perfect or that I hate the UK. But I think we put up with a poor quality of life considering how hard we were working and how much education we had done and how much we were earning on paper and we just got fed up. Being somewhere without the negative press, the risk of violence or sexual assault, that’s clean etc makes such a difference. I’ve been spat out, sworn at and treated like crap at work so it feels so nice comparatively!

Do you really believe there's a lower risk of sexual violence? I wouldn't go from statistics, women there aren't going to report because of the fear of being shamed. Those who do will probably be sent away with no investigation completed. Less reports of sexual crime in no way means less sexual crime.

deveronvalley · Today 18:22

Do the Indian workers still live in containers on the industrial estates? Take a (proper) drive around if you haven’t - look behind the facade that westerners and the rich Omanis normally see.

Dragonscaledaisy · Today 18:22

seanconneryseyebrow · Today 17:01

I second this. I lived in Oz (age 30-47). Im now 52. I said same as you OP, but worse actually. I thought UK was an absolute grey steaming pile of shit. By 47 (well 40 actually) I was well and truly over oz. I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE Uk now. Theres another thread running on here where we are appreciating the UK and all its charm, quaintness, history, countryside, humour. Its bloody marvellous. I appreciate its not great if you are dirt poor here, but IME its still a lot better than most places. The grass is definately not always greener.

Edited

I love the UK as well. We've lived in quite a few countries including Aus (DH is Australian) but we both agree our quality of life is far superior in the UK to any other country we've lived in.

Four months is still very much the 'honeymoon' period in a new country. It takes a lot longer than that to properly get a feel for the good and bad parts of any country.

iamnotalemon · Today 18:24

issyforqueen · Today 18:15

They have Sharia Law. I couldn't live under that

Some ME countries operate under a hybrid law, not just strictly sharia law. It depends on the area of law and the nationality of the person.

Ilmiocompleanno · Today 18:25

MattHancocksPrivateNurse · Today 17:09

Yes we are on a work visa. I don’t think we will be here forever at all but we will definitely move somewhere else rather than back home to the UK.

im not saying Oman is perfect or that I hate the UK. But I think we put up with a poor quality of life considering how hard we were working and how much education we had done and how much we were earning on paper and we just got fed up. Being somewhere without the negative press, the risk of violence or sexual assault, that’s clean etc makes such a difference. I’ve been spat out, sworn at and treated like crap at work so it feels so nice comparatively!

Were you working as a teacher when you were in the UK, OP? I would personally much rather live in the UK than Oman, but I can understand how a UK teacher could become very disillusioned with the UK. The amount that teachers in the UK are expected to put up with is ridiculous.

Constantrunner · Today 18:27

Acafan · Today 18:16

But when you say "without risk of violence and sexual assault," you mean you - a wealthy, Western, expat, living in an expat/gated community, with resources - don't have that risk. Presumably that doesn't extend to Omani women who aren't protected by law against marital rape, and domestic workers from India etc. who have very little protection in law from cruel employers.

It's pretty nice being a wealthy expat in most places in the world. I imagine it's pretty good in the UK, too. It's not indicative of what life is like for most of the population.

If OP was raped by her husband the law would do nothing. Marital rape is legal. If she was raped by one of his colleagues, if she reports it she risks being accused of adultery and punished.

MissingMeadow · Today 18:27

MattHancocksPrivateNurse · Today 17:11

This attitude and bitterness is what we left behind. Everyone here has been so welcoming, it feels a positive environment for kids with hope for the future. In the UK everyone was desperate to drag you down if you want better

But Oman isn't better.

Constantrunner · Today 18:28

iamnotalemon · Today 18:24

Some ME countries operate under a hybrid law, not just strictly sharia law. It depends on the area of law and the nationality of the person.

Oman has sharia law for family matters. Women are legally expected to obey their husbands.
I agree the ME is a large place with lots of different countries. But we know how the law operates in Oman.

Daisy54 · Today 18:31

I lived in the Gulf for a decade, not entirely by choice. What I saw I would not have believed if someone had told me prior to going.
Shocking abuse of human rights, worse if you were from a third world country, but Westerners were not immune either.
One of my colleagues was incarcerated for being gay.
Another colleague, managed to stop a kidnapping attempt on her blond, blue eyed son.
I was run off the road for being a lone woman in a car with no chaperone, hence assumed to be sexually available (according to my middle eastern friends).
The Indian doorman who stood outside the building with no shade , consequently collapsed and died, only to be replaced, the next day, with yet another ‘slave.’
On a minor level, I could not bear the 50 degree heat for 10 months of the year, the groping if I dared to walk down the street alone and the ridiculous dress code.

And I was in a position of privilege financially, however, I could not close my eyes to the injustice around me.

issyforqueen · Today 18:31

tommyhoundmum · Today 18:17

I've never heard it referred to as the Oman

I think it's an antiqued term like the Sudan or the Ukraine

StiffAsAVicar · Today 18:31

Why not chatting to your new friends on Omansnet? 😂😂😂

Looloolexi · Today 18:34

Living in a gated community of privilege. No soul, no culture. Couldn't pay me enough to live in the Emirates/Oman.
It's all blingy and built with the blood of the poor. Had friends brought up on Oman, big problems settling back on UK for university and real life. Sorry but my idea of hell. Best way to improve the UK is to stand up and be part of the community not run away.

Anarchy99 · Today 18:34

That’s nice, dear. Thanks for sharing

I wouldn’t choose to live somewhere that doesn’t like women but you do you.

iamnotalemon · Today 18:36

Constantrunner · Today 18:28

Oman has sharia law for family matters. Women are legally expected to obey their husbands.
I agree the ME is a large place with lots of different countries. But we know how the law operates in Oman.

Does this apply to non Omanis though, or only locals? I certainly wouldn’t be in a rush to get married or have children with a local but thankfully that doesn’t apply to me.

shuggles · Today 18:37

MattHancocksPrivateNurse · Today 17:22

This is how it feels tbh. Women are treated incredibly well

Women spent decades rebelling against conservative attitudes and relentlessly fought to dress however they wanted and to have sex in the same way that men want to have sex...

... and then after all of that, you moved to Oman of all places, because you actually wanted to live under conservative values after all, even after fighting fiercely to remove those same values from the UK.

Absolutely bonkers.

Thedogscollar · Today 18:41

Soontobe60 · Today 17:32

This Oman?
Restrictions on freedom of expression increased. A new citizenship law enabled authorities to revoke citizenship from critics of the Sultan or the state, while activists and protesters faced arrests and imprisonment for peaceful expression. Press freedom was further restricted by new media regulations granting state authorities broad powers of censorship and surveillance. Minimum standards for employing domestic workers were introduced but migrant workers, particularly domestic workers, remained trapped under the abusive kafala (sponsorship) system, suffering exploitation with limited legal protection. Women and girls continued to experience gender-based discrimination, including under the new citizenship law, and lacked protection from domestic violence.
Freedom of expression and association
On 11 February the Sultan of Oman ratified a new citizenship law that allowed the authorities to revoke Omani citizenship from people who verbally or physically “offend” Oman or the Sultan, or who belong to a group, party or organization that embraces principles or beliefs that “harm the interests” of Oman – vague terms that can be used to silence opponents and restrict opinions.
Authorities continued to summon, arrest and prosecute activists, government critics and peaceful protesters.
On 8 April, activist Talal Al-Salmani was arrested after joining a peaceful gathering during which he criticized the government. He was sentenced two days later to a fine for “participation in an unlawful gathering” and to one year in prison for “spreading news likely to undermine the prestige of the state”. In May the Muscat Court of Appeal upheld his conviction but reduced the prison term to three months for each charge, to be served concurrently. He was released on 6 August.
Salem bin Salam Al-Salti was summoned for interrogation on 8 August. He was subjected to enforced disappearance, the duration of which could not be confirmed by the end of the year. Media outlets and an Omani NGO reported that his summons was related to his comments on social media criticizing government policy on unemployment.
Omani authorities arrested writer Mohammed Ali Al-Bar’ami on 18 June, two days after he posted comments on the platform X criticizing the government system as “corrupt”. On 28 July the Primary Court in the city of Salalah sentenced him to four years in prison, fined him OMR 5,000 (around USD 13,000) and ordered the closure of his social media accounts for “using information networks and information technology means to publish what may harm public order”.
Press freedom
In September the Ministry of Information issued Executive Regulations to operationalize the Media Law passed in December 2024. The Media Law expanded state power to restrict press freedom by granting authorities broad powers to control media content and licensing of newspapers, broadcasting channels, news agencies, media workers and publishing houses. The law also granted sweeping powers to suspend activities without judicial approval, impose surveillance on journalists and media institutions, and limit the licensed use of social media accounts to Omani citizens in that profession.
Migrants’ rights
Despite official pledges to abolish the kafala (sponsorship) system, it remained in force leaving hundreds of thousands of migrant workers – particularly domestic workers – vulnerable to abuse. Sponsors continued to exert control by illegally confiscating workers’ documents, restricting their freedom of movement and employment, while the authorities failed to provide adequate protection to those fleeing exploitation.
In September at least 11 Indian migrant workers were stranded after the company employing them withheld four months’ wages, denied overtime pay and confiscated their passports when they protested.
On 13 October the Ministry of Labour issued Ministerial Decision No. 574/2025, which introduced regulations to establish minimum standards for domestic workers, including weekly and annual leave, sick leave, regulated working hours and rest periods, prohibition of forced labour, and banning the retention of workers’ passports.
While these changes were long overdue, they did little to shift the power imbalance between employers and migrant workers. It remained unclear how the changes were being implemented, as many migrant domestic workers continued to face abuse, poor working and living conditions, unpaid wages, long working hours, movement restrictions and illegal passport confiscation.
Women’s and girls’ rights
Oman continued to lack comprehensive legal protections against domestic violence. There remained no stand-alone law that explicitly criminalized domestic abuse. Existing legislation on divorce, marriage and inheritance continued to uphold gender biases, consistently favouring men.
The new citizenship law, passed in February, discriminated against women by restricting their ability to confer nationality to their children and foreign spouses on the same basis as men and imposing stricter conditions for children of Omani women married to foreign men. This perpetuated gender inequality and put children at risk of statelessness

https://www.amnesty.org/en/location/middle-east-and-north-africa/middle-east/oman/report-oman/

Exactly.
Why in the hell would you want to live in a country like this. Yes it may not affect you or your family but it affects many others.
Wealth and sunshine are not everything.
Be careful what you wish for.

Windthebloodybobbinup · Today 18:42

Having grown up as an’expat’ (economic migrant) I find the whole romantic idea of living abroad really misplaced. When you become an expat in the Middle East, you are tolerated. You will never be part of the culture or be assimilated into the culture. You remain a permanent foreigner, your children grow up belonging neither in one place or another. You don’t contribute to the country or communities you live in a meaningful way. Expats never seem to want to assimilate, they want to maintain a pseudo colonial white superiority over the indigenous culture. That is not reality.

Pumpkinspiceeverythingitseems · Today 18:43

bababamama · Today 16:42

Depends so much on your job and personal likes and dislikes. Living somewhere hot year round would be something I hate and I wouldn’t like somewhere with dubious human rights issues eg anywhere in the Middle East on principle. Now I’d happily move to the algalve every winter, but they are in the uk (have checked, we meet criteria for residency).

It's harder to move to Portugal now, you can't just move over anymore