AIBU for wanting more

[Bigfishlittlefishcardboardbox39]

Going to try and keep this as concise as possible but basically I want to know AIBU for being on my husbands back. We’ve been together 10+ years, married for 5+. He has an incredibly demanding, mainly physical job that is dangerous too. He works 10-12 hour days and his alarm goes off before 5am Monday - Friday. As a result he is understandably exhausted and he keeps suggesting he’s going to get a new job which I really encourage, but, new jobs don’t pay so well. I’ve explained that my business is growing and that I will step up and contribute more as for some time I was working PT in entry level jobs when our kids were little. I don’t think he believes me/ feels like he can let go of his “role” as the breadwinner and is very much traditional in that sense.

I feel like our marriage is slowly dying, we don’t talk, laugh or spend much time together, again I understand he’s tired but sometimes I feel lonely. He doesn’t really get it. Am I being spoilt? AIBU? I miss the man I married.

Sounds like your business isn't quite there yet. It's growing, and you will step up etc., not that it's now covering most expenses and he can afford to quit.
I'm not surprised he's knackered and burnt out. I don't think I'd be very much fun after years of his job.

I think he needs to see you stepping up and contributing more before he will have confidence that that’s realistic.

I don't think either of you are being unreasonable really. It's not unreasonable for you to want to spend more quality time together, but it would be a big deal for him (or most people) to ditch their job or take a big pay cut. Keep talking to each other and trying to find a way forward.

Not unreasonable at all. The issue here is he has no energy and there is little time for you to spend together. He must get a new job that isn't so taxing on him for this marriage to survive. It doesn't sound like a lost cause, it just needs a tweak and the rest will fall in line.

Talk to him seriously about this, making the focal point on his job and him getting a different one. Less work = less stress = less tired = more quality time together. It doesn't sound like you'd financially die if he earned less in a different job, so definitely worth making the sacrifice in the name of saving your marriage. Good luck

If you're happy with less income coming in then he might be able to get a different job

Are you happy with less income? Are you actually spending or saving and is he the same, would he miss his income? I wouldnt cut back my hours or job because I like my income.

Are you happy to work more hours or get a proper job rather than a business which doesnt sound as if it could compensate for his lost income?

If you step up and he steps down a bit, isnt that just going to make you less available anyway and the same lack of hours together?

Sounds like he's held it all together for a long time now and needs the financial security of his income.

Do you earn more when adjusted for inflation?

So you want him to earn a good wage - but you don’t want him at work all the time ?!
you want to work part time - hobby job ?

you can’t have everything .

Let him change his job and rediscover his mojo. He is exhausted. I think you need your job to step up a bit.

Are you kidding? If you reversed your and your husband's position, everyone here would be lining up to describe you as a cocklodger. Up your game. Your poor husband.

ive not heard the term but when we had our children I dropped to part time and then eventually was encouraged by my husband to stop working as he earned more than me. Now that they’re both a bit older I am working full time.

What on earth are you talking about??? Op has been doing all the childcare Mon- Fri by the sounds of it &now the kids are older she can work FT again. How does that make her the same as a cock-lodger!! Only on mumsnet do people thing SAHP play no role in society. Disgusting attitude to be honest!