Do you remind family to see your kids on their birthday?

[HangryLion]

Its my kids birthday coming up and my husbands family are busy with pre arranged stuff. His brother and sisters haven't reached out to ask when they can come see the kids. Is it up to me to arrange, should I bother reaching out at all? Surely it's their responsibility to keep up the relationship. It' just sad I think!

I couldn’t even tell you when most of my nieces and nephews birthdays are and have never expected anyone to remember my kids birthdays apart from me

Hi, I would expect them to remember their birthday and send / drop off a card or gift if close relations. I wouldn't expect them to initiate arrangements to see the kids - I'd invite them to tea or whatever if that fitted in with our plans. Otherwise a card or text would be fine. Lots of people don't like people inviting themselves! It's up the parents to decide on activities for a child's birthday and host, not for relatives to suggest things.

Looool have I touched a nerve why you taking this so personally. You ok there ?
And no not people like me honey. I did in fact invite my DHs family for a cuppa and they all declined as they are too busy.

I missed that part about not having parties.

OP you don’t need to have a bells and whistle party - but surely you can invite your husbands siblings around for tea, juice and birthday cake?!

“hey in-law, it’s X 2nd birthday on Friday. I’d love if you can join us on Saturday afternoon for some cake and coffee at 1pm”

You’re saying the kids are too young for parties - is that because you feel they don’t get the concept of birthdays? If so surely you can extend that mentality to say why should in-laws show up with presents on their birthday?

You can’t pick and choose in that regard.

FTR personally I think birthday parties AND family showing up with gifts is fine for kids even if they are too young to quite understand why everyone is making a fuss of them that day/weekend!

And that @Freshrain is right, surely you should use this as an opportunity to host and and get to know them more. Life is about give and take.

And does your husband do anything for their birthdays? Because many child free people report getting burnt out being expected to show up with gifts for every single persons kids birthday and then not even getting a text on theirs. So a lot of people are pulling back from that now.

To clarify. Yes I invited them for cake and tea/coffee and they all said they were busy or just didn't respond. And yes we are always there for their adult birthdays....even when it was difficult for us to travel as we had little ones we still made the effort to be there.

X-posted again 😂

OK fair enough. You did try then! That’s a shame they didn’t make an effort :/

I’d rethink continuing to make that effort for them if it’s not reciprocated.

Gosh. I spoke to them and said we weren't throwing a large party but we invite them for a cake and coffee. Why do you have to keep arguing your case like this. Obviously I made it sound like it was for the kids birthday not just invited them for a coffee just because.

Never mind lol

Sorry I am new to this platform! Thank you

I don't really get what you mean. Do you propose to call your family and tell them it's your child's birthday and invite them over for some food and cake you mean or just remind them it's the birthday?

I wouldn't expect them to visit on the day but they'd usually come beforehand with a gift and card ready for the day. Usually we have a party and invite everyone over.

Ah my brother is the king of abuse via silent treatment and sure he had not spoken to me in months before his own wedding - I never saw the invite to be honest but then my boundaries were that if the groom is not going to acknowledge me before the wedding then I was not going to go but sure then I am the big bad wolf for not going. I did not think he would cut his nephew and godson out of his life but I guess bitterness has no bounds. Sad but thats what he chose to do really. He broke the family up with his silent treatment over the years.

People have lives, your kids aren't even close to the most important thing to them. They might remember, they might not.

If you want people to see them, organise it.

End.

This isn’t necessarily true. My sibling’s kids are the most important thing to me. These are not random children.

Nope, as I said "people" - and not "orthrywreeinvicedifthe feels this" - it's definitely true.

I could have said "some" people, or said to many people and apparently these people your kids aren't even close to the most important thing to them" but you already knew I meant that and not "all" people.

And, clearly, her kids don't take centre stage to these particular people. Such is life.

And I said ‘necessarily’.

I too think it's up to you to invite them and will probably assume you have plans unless invited. They might well call on the day/day before and arrange to drop by but aren't likely to be thinking too far ahead unless invited to something specific.

So your comment was superfluous then.

Agreed.

It’s just a chat. Don’t know why you’re getting so upset.

What an odd attempt to save face. It can now be clearly seen that you are very upset and are projecting - something that happens rather a lot on these threads unfortunately.

Not one word I wrote could possibly be defined as being upset, and I am now simply bemused. It's all in your head.

So anyway, I will finish with my factual comment again:

People have lives, your kids aren't even close to the most important thing to them. They might remember, they might not.

If you want people to see them, organise it. End.

Er, right okay. Well I’m sorry my comment upset you I suppose

The seething rage in your comments is very concerning. I do hope you get help. 😘

Why don’t you invite them over for a birthday get together?

Indeed. (Invented) problem solved.

😂 Classic Mumsnet. Enjoy your wine.