Do you remind family to see your kids on their birthday?

[HangryLion]

Its my kids birthday coming up and my husbands family are busy with pre arranged stuff. His brother and sisters haven't reached out to ask when they can come see the kids. Is it up to me to arrange, should I bother reaching out at all? Surely it's their responsibility to keep up the relationship. It' just sad I think!

Really? Sounds very main character energy of you, on behalf of your kids.

Our parents and brothers don't see our children on their birthdays. They come to their birthday parties but even when I've invited them to pop over in the past they tend not to.

Not in the least. I dont expect it at all

Why would you need to reach out to your husband’s siblings? Surely your husband is able to contact them to see if they fancy coming round.

My brother and sister and I stopped doing stuff for our own birthdays let alone our kids birthdays years ago we sat down and worked out it was more bother coordinating who want what and where from and how much we were all spending or where we were going. We have 7 kids between us so that’s 10 birthdays with us included plus our partners would be 13 we’d always be celebrating and someone always couldn’t make it especially then factoring in all 6 sets of grandparents. So now we just do a FaceTime, don’t bother with cards as they just end up in the recycling. We have a big day out once a year at a theme park and that’s it job jobbed birthdays Easter and Christmas.

I don't ever expect this. My DD's birthday was the 26th Sept and my sister is yet to remember or acknowledge...

We always make a big deal within our nuclear family, and then anyone else who remembers / comes over is welcome to celebrate with cake etc.

Think you’re being more than a tad unrealistic, the only time family come and visit our children on their birthdays is if we’ve done a party and invited them, and even then most don’t turn up. We don’t get a bee in our bonnet about it. We have our own community and friendships where we live, is great when we see family but we’d be falling out with them all the time if we had such crazy expectations of them. Don’t think any of our kids even got a card this year, although one of my sibling did send them birthday presents which was really nice of them and very much appreciated

Sounds brilliant, might suggest something similar to my family

We don’t make an effort to visit family on their birthday unless it’s my mum.

when our children were younger we always made an effort with nieces and nephews however it wasn’t really reciprocated so we stopped doing it too.

my child’s birthday is November and they normally get their birthday around about Christmas time!

we make an effort for those that make an effort for us.

Very much, I’d of loved to have been invited for neices and nephews birthdays but they always seemed to have their own plans, wouldn’t it be hilarious if they were sitting there wondering why I hadn’t arranged to come over 😂

I want to soak up all the time possible with my kids on their birthdays since it’s only after school time, I don’t want to share them with other people! They either get presents from family sent in advance or see them on the nearest weekend. I would never expect family to reach out when they could see them if I hadn’t arranged anything.

In our culture, you’ll get a phone call, but for a visit, you have to organise it - have a spread for them and as minimum- cake, tea, coffee.

It sometimes blows my mind when I realise how different we all are. I can’t imagine forgetting my nephews birthdays.

This is odd to me. I would never have dreamed of calling up my SIL to arrange a time to come and see my niece/nephew on the day of their birthday.
A) I would imagine the day would be fairly hectic with party/family activities
B) If SIL wants to invite extended family over on that day then she should offer the invitation (time/place) and if it works for me, I’d attend.
I always acknowledge the day with a call/card/gift and attend a family celebratory dinner if I can, but if I have plans or a dinner isn’t scheduled then no, I don’t see them on or near their birthday.

To be honest, I never saw any family on my birthday as a child because they all lived at least 100 miles away. It would have seemed very odd for them all to suddenly rock up. So it's not necessarily an essential. And surely most kids would be much more interested in hanging out with their friends than boring old relatives?

I send my DN's gifts but never see them as we live too far away. My sibling doesn't bother for my DC's birthdays though.

My IL's always try to meet up for the DC's birthday, B&SIL work full time and live 2 hours away so it's usually the weekend before or after. If I don't invite everyone early enough, MIL will start the chat We have four "fixed" family events: Christmas, Easter and the DC's birthdays. MIL will try to see the DC's on their birthday too if she can, even if it's only for the 10 mins between them coming home from school and leaving for an activity.

It’s your responsibility to invite and cater.

If you want them to come and visit on your children's birthdays, invite them!

That's really strange, as I don't think YOUR experience is the norm! ( not saying either of us is wrong or right).

We've never assumed contact from aunts/uncles/cousins, but would find it weird if Grandparents didn't meet up to exchange gifts and cards.

Depends on how close you are as a wider family.

No why would i? I dont need an order to see other kids we pass messages around and see people when we see them

I still get cards for my birthday from my aunts and uncles now and I’m nearly 40. I always say happy birthday to them too. I couldn’t imagine not contacting them to wish them a happy birthday at all. Same as I wish my friends a happy birthday.

If you want relatives to visit your kids on/around their birthday then invite them. A quick text to say “Hi, we are having cakes and candles for Jacks birthday around 1:30 on Saturday if anyone fancies a slice of cake 🎂 “.

Job done.

Yes, this is what we do for everyone's birthday. People need to know if they are expected or not. It's fine to for them to say they are busy, but usually they expect the invite every year so are free. Without the direct invite, I imagine they would forget!

I wait to be invited. With my own children I just send a message out to family members saying “We’re doing cake at this time on this day, if anyone is free and wants to drop around”. It’s very much no pressure because my kids are of an age were they’re quite ambivalent about whether or not they see their extended family members on their birthday. I also don’t want to be putting together a whole party for family members as they have their party day with their school friends.

I wouldn't expect visits from family. A card, and a text if the card is going to be late, but that's all.