Do you remind family to see your kids on their birthday?

[HangryLion]

Its my kids birthday coming up and my husbands family are busy with pre arranged stuff. His brother and sisters haven't reached out to ask when they can come see the kids. Is it up to me to arrange, should I bother reaching out at all? Surely it's their responsibility to keep up the relationship. It' just sad I think!

Never gone out of our way to see family's kids on their birthdays or get family to see ours. We give them cards/presents at whatever point we see them closest to their birthday. For family far away we send cards presents.

We never see extended family on DS birthday nor do we ever see any relatives on their birthday. I share a birthday with my DM and we’ve not seen each other on our birthday day since I was a child.

For us birthdays are about our the 3 of us and friends. None of our extended family has ever attended each other’s birthdays either as kids or adults.

I only messaged them as there were talks about them coming over before. I don't manage or tell anyone what to do and certainly don't beg anyone to make effort with my kids. Do I think people should be making an effort when it's a small family ...yes I think there's no excuses and doesnt cost a lot to send a quick text to the parents to say 'hey so and so's birthday is coming up when can I visit or drop presents off, or simply hey what you got planned for so and sos birthday'. We don't do parties yet. The kids are too young. People care too much about themselves and not enough about families like they used to back in the day.
I was a childfree adult at some point, yet I always remembered and made effort with my nephew? Even if it was like I said a quick text to my sister asking when I can come see him or take him out for the day.

Sounds like bare minimum tbh. You think expecting 2 adults who only have two grandchildren and two sets of adults who only have one set of nieces and nephews to remember their birthdays and make an effort....main character energy? Lol.
When I was a childfree adult and caring a lot about career, social situation or whatever else I cared about back then I still made an effort once a year for my nieces and nephews and didn't wait for the parents to reach out to invite me to anything. A simple text and phone call 'hey when can I see them for their birthday was very normal.

It’s not strange to me at all. It is the norm in my social circle, mostly everyone I know remembers to call their nieces/nephews on birthdays, they wouldn’t necessarily just rock up there or ask when they could come see them, but would attend parties/dinners if invited.

I attended all my best friends kids (some of them goddaughters) parties where possible until they were teens. They didn’t have a party every year though.

OP, I’d say it is your responsibility to put on at least some cake and snacks and invite them if you want them round.

Of course it hugely depends on your family dynamic but I'm not crazy to think this is bare minimum effort to text the parents and take an interest in the kids? Especially when they are the only kids in the family and the family is small.

If I didn’t get an invite or text I’d assume the family is doing something themselves. Also if people were just dropping in on the day of randomly I’d find it annoying. You either want them that day and invite them in advance or accept they’ll do things their own way.

Yes but the issue is they are doing nothing at all. There is no 'their own way' there is just 0 effort. They haven't got plans to see them at all.

Many parents of small children would get annoyed at other relatives just inviting themselves over. Its up to the parent to do the inviting surely.

Why lol

No, it’s not crazy. I did tend to send texts and gifts on the years I wasn’t invited to any parties for my goddaughters until they were in high school.

But I’d add to that if they wanted my actual presence, I’d expect parents to invite me around and host some kind of basic dinner or at least birthday cake and tea. Personally I wouldn’t invite myself around!

It may be different if I had actual biological nieces/nephews though as opposed to being a “mums good friend” type of aunty/godmother though lol

Because you haven’t invited them!

85% of people voting think you are being unreasonable. If you want people to visit for your children's birthday then invite them.

Everything you say here is about you and what you think people should do.
They think differently, get over it.

It's your kids' birthdays, nothing to do with your brother.

I think it's for you to invite them for lunch or cake or something.

Because you would be hosting, so you invite.

YABU to expect a visit. I would be upset if close family forgot DCs birthday (we send card, gift/money and a message) but people have different priorities.

I'll be honest, it would be nice for them to message or call but arranging to see them is a bit much. I'd probably assume that you were doing something with DC and if you wanted me there you'd invite me. Your kids birthday is a big thing for you but people and close relations do have other things going on and your kids birthday isn't the centre of everyone's world.

I always arrange a time and date for family to visit, home or a park picnic or something for all my kids birthdays. My brother on the other hand, never does and so we never ever see their kids on their birthdays because they go out and do their own thing. I think I it’s 100% up to you.

Remembering to send a card and gift? Sure. Inviting themselves round to 'see them for their birthday'? Not so much. Either invite them or don't... but at the moment you just sound like you're seeking drama. It's the parents' job to issue party invitations.

I would invite family round to see a child on their birthday. I certainly wouldn't not issue an invite then be annoyed they didn't invite themselves

Our wee boy's is always in school holidays family is often away

My 'brother' and his wife have totally blanked my 16 year old son in the past few years. We did not go to their wedding which was for MANY reasons and solely my decision but my son was only just turned 13 then and the following year my son sent his uncle a message on his bday and I sent cakes to be delivered to his home from my son. He has never acknowledged my son from that day to this nor did he even say thank you for the wishes. it was devastating at the start as my son really loved his uncle but you cannot force a person to be a nice person.
On the other side of it my sister never forgets him and she is the other side of the world. Some people are just inherently selfish.

@Genuineweddingone Ouch that’s difficult but sounds like there’s a complicated background here especially if you didn’t attend the wedding for many reasons .

Do you have any contact with your brother and sister in law?

If he doesn’t give presents anymore that’s fair enough but I am surprised he didn’t at least say thank you to your son.

However maybe from his POV if you are no contact with a sibling you may need to sadly distance yourself with their children too. That is if he is indeed no contact with you?

and doesnt cost a lot to send a quick text to the parents to say 'hey so and so's birthday is coming up when can I visit or drop presents off, and doesnt cost a lot to send a quick text to the parents to say 'hey so and so's birthday is coming up when can I visit or drop presents off, or simply hey what you got planned for so and sos birthday'. We don't do parties yet. The kids are too young. People care too much about themselves and not enough about families like they used to back in the day. We don't do parties yet. The kids are too young. People care too much about themselves and not enough about families like they used to back in the day.

You've got this arse about face.
It is your home, so you (as a couple) do the inviting.

I mean, I don't mind people popping round to my house at any time, but I am in a minority on MN in that, and even I (as the Grandparent in this situation) think I should wait to be invited / wait to see what the little ones' parents want to do. I am very aware that many people would think it very rude to invite themselves round to someone else's home at all, let alone for a birthday celebration that the parents weren't planning on having.

or simply hey what you got planned for so and sos birthday'

Because I get on well with ds and dil I might, at some point, in conversation say "Are you planning to do anything for X's birthday?" as part of a general chat more than an inviting myself, and they know I wouldn't be offended if they said they were away at her parents, or whatever. But there are a lot of people who would 'hear' that as angling for an invitation and feel it was rude.

We don't do parties yet. The kids are too young

I mean, I think it is pretty normal to do a bit of a celebration even for a baby's first birthday. Agreed, they won't know what's going on, but it's just nice to get the Grandparents / local relatives round for a cuppa or a beer and chat, surely ?
My (now adult) dc love to see the photos of them with Great Grandparents and Grandparents on their first birthdays.

People care too much about themselves and not enough about families like they used to back in the day.

People like you @HangryLion ?
As it seems you are the one who has chosen not to invite local family round for a cuppa, to sing Happy Birthday, and to blow out some candle, even though it is your child's birthday. Don't you care about your (and you dh's) families ?