To want to learn to drive but so nervous

[redballerina]

I really want to learn to drive but I’m so nervous by if. I try and watch when dh drives to learn the rules of the road but I’m stumped by things like knowing which lane to be in at a roundabout, gauging distance, how to know When to turn the wheel at the right time. I’m not stupid generally but this both scares me and throws me. I do want to learn though, dh has to do all the ferrying around and we have dc. AIBU to be so nervous about it? Or do you just learn these things during lessons and I need to get a grip?

You will learn these things in lessons and by reading the Highway Code.

Of course you're stumped by those things.

You can't drive yet.

Learn to drive and you will know how to.

DD is dyslexic and dyspraxic and learned in an automatic. She passed her test first time. Maybe consider that?

I was REALLY anxious about driving. Some of the things you mentioned you will need to learn for your theory test. Read the Highway Code and do the practise questions online. You will be nervous for your first lesson but a good instructor will put you at ease. In between lessons try to get lots of time in the car somewhere like an industrial estate where you can get the hang of things like turning corners without all the traffic. Good luck!

I remember my DF telling me that even the most stupid kids he’d taught could learn to drive, and so could I.

Was he an instructor @KnickerlessParsons?

Honestly, if you have a good instructor all of that will stop being an issue! I had to have refresher lessons a while back and my instructor was super calm and patient, which meant all my worries about it were put at ease, and the more you do it all the easier it becomes.

What helped me many years ago was realising kids, stupid people and really everyone else could drive.

It not some mystical dark art. It’s not difficult, Basic multitasking a baby and toddler is the same skill set.

No, he was a teacher.

In my favourite book, Ove says, 'a load of bloody idiots have learned to drive and you are not a bloody idiot.'

OP if you want to make life easy learn automatic. But my extremely nervous 18 year old mastered manual and passed her test first time. You can do it!

Book some lessons. See how you get on. You never know, you might actually enjoy it.

If you’re that nervous maybe it would be better if you didn’t drive?

My Dad always said none of us are born knowing how to drive - really, we all had to learn and all the things you've mentioned are issues other people have had too. My DH is an excellent driver but will tell you the story of going round a corner, or rather NOT going round it on his first lesson because he had no idea how much to turn the wheel! 😂

Really, don't see the mountain just the step in front of you - theory test first, get that sorted and passed and you'll be au fait with all the road signs, markings etc. so they won't seem alien to you. And pay lots of attention when you are in a car with someone else driving - it's not magic it's just repetitive movements and common sense really! Good luck.

Could your husband take you to a deserted car park or any large open space for you to get a feel for the workings of a car before taking lessons, that way you will know when to turn the wheel etc? You can learn a lot by driving a car before official lessons and then during those lessons you can learn to know about lanes and so on. Got to be worth a try 🤷‍♂️

I was very nervous and thought I'd hate it a d be awful. But actually I loved it and now I do all the family driving (because I want to).

I suppose it depends how you’re measuring stupidity though. I know people who can’t pass academic exams but who have amazing spacial awareness and speed perception and can make quick, calm decisions when judging other drivers’ movements. I also know a professor who can’t drive despite hundreds of lessons as he can’t judge what is happening on the road in time to react quickly enough and then starts flapping, making him a danger behind the wheels.

My Mum successfully learned to drive in her mid 30s, & never looked back. She took lessons for a long time as she built her confidence up slowly but it paid off.

But I have a friend who took literally 10 driving tests & failed every one, she realised she is just not suited to driving.

I would love to drive but I can’t at present for medical reasons.

Just try it OP, you may do really well, you will never know until you try.

OP, I understand. I learnt relatively late in life due to finances (it is bloody expensive) and living in cities which made is less essential. When DH died suddenly I really had no choice, I had a car sitting in the drive, DC and a full time job and driving just would make life so much easier. The main thing was I did my research and got an amazing instructor from a well regarded local driving school who only took on grade 5 and 6 instructors.

He was bloody lovely and when he took me out to assess me and how long I would need (I had tried before with an awful self-employed racist, misogynistic arsehold who strung me along) and said he thought I could get through with about 15 hours I was amazed. And I did actually pass first time! I also echo what people say about learning in an automatic. I can drive a manual and have done until very recently starting to use an electric car which is a dream to drive. The reality is manual cars will become increasingly redundant and the UK's weird obsession with being able to drive a manual is quite stupid. Having an automatic license is no where near as limiting as it used to be. Good luck!

Op my husband only learned at 47 this year ! He was super nervous especially anxious about driving the kids around

but he’s great now and got there in about a year - failed jest test and passed second time :)

he arguably did it at a ridiculous time - new job, a 1.5 year old that didn’t sleep well, juggling school
and nursery drop offs etc

he squeezed lessons in early mornings on weekends and evenings after work

he got an app for the theory test/rules of the road and practiced that on his commute

This. Get some confidence that you can make the car do what you want - especially stop! - before you hit the roads. Your nervousness about potential consequences? It will subside, but never lose all of it. That's what's happened to all the dangerous, entitled knobheads weaving from lane to lane, speeding, overtaking on crossings etc. Your concern will make you a good & safe driver. Good luck!

I think with things like this it’s so worth focusing on the end benefit - learning to drive will impact your life in so many positive ways and so that’s the bit you need to focus on.

find a super good patient instructor (do your research) and as others have said get a feel for the car before you do your first lesson.

I think with driving it’s hard to imagine things like what lanes to be in and how to move the car if you’ve never driven one, it becomes a lot more obvious and a lot easier to understand when you’re actually in the situation and behind the wheel.

do NOT go with dh for a lesson in his car in a deserted car park. youre not insured and a driving instructor has an additional set of pedals so he can brake if you forget to.

you can book a tester driving lesson in my area in a car park that a company takes over for one morning. they have the dual control cars and insurance. it's really for school teens over a certain height but it would give you the chance to try it once and see if you like it.

the steering wheel is something you get the hang of and cant really describe prior. it’s easier then you think.

if you go in an automatic you only have two pedals, for stop and go basically. nice and simple.

the rest is remembering rules from the highway code. it’s free online. the roundabout rule is left lane if you’re going off at a turning before 12oclock (if the roundabout was a clock). right lane if you’re going off at 1 o’clock or more.

It’s worth a try at first, surely?!

OP, the nerves are totally natural. Have you never even sat in a driving seat before? As someone else said, find an instructor you like and once you have the very basics down, you find a local industrial estate or retail park and practise things like moving off where there is no other traffic. You’ll be fine and the skill of driving gives you SO MANY opportunities and so much freedom, it’s untrue.

My husband is a military veteran, so he was away quite a bit, especially early on in our marriage, and I only passed my test 18 months after we married. For some of the time we lived on the edge of Wolverhampton. Great public transport but still beholden to someone else’s timetable. Then we moved to a more rural location and I learned to drive within 6 months.

You can do it!

It took me decades on and off but I got there. It's seemed like a black art until I finally got a handle on it. It took me 4 times.

What really helped me was driving in lots of different conditions and times. When I finally passed I did Pass Plus.