Walking in the dark.

[Charel2girl5]

Evening all.
My DD is 18, in uni but lives at home and commutes. She takes her fitness very seriously and has just left the house for a ‘quick’ walk. I ask her not to it’s too dark in my opinion and she objects, raises her voice to me and slams the door. My DH doesn’t intervene and tells me I can’t tell her what to do! I then asked if he didn’t give a shit about her safety.
I am upset and fuming. For context she does fu** all at home, takes my car which is apparently her car even though I bought the car and pay for insurance. My DH and I are supposed to be going to a local castle and having lunch out afterwards. I real feel like going by myself and telling him to do one.

Why? He has been an amazing Dad since the day she was born, what a horrible thing to say.

Then you lock those keys up when they're not on your person. Get a safe.

You have to trust that she can keep herself safe OP

Shes 18, at uni, basically an adult

You chose to live rurally, you can't restrict her life like this, it's not fair. Your worries are for you to manage.

By all means ask her to consider hi vis or a head torch but you can't ask her not to leave the house by foot in the dark.

You can't be serious @Charel2girl5 at 20 minutes to seven in the evening you're trying to forbid an 18 year old from going for a quick walk?

YABU of course. As the poll clearly illustrates!

You sound like a control freak. Expect your daughter to move far far away from you as soon as she is able to !!
you need therapy

Why is your 18 year old doing fuck all at home and taking your car against your wishes?

These seem bigger issues to me that an 18 year old going for a short walk at teatime.

There’s a difference between concern for an adult - “be careful walking at this time as it will be dark soon”

and controlling- “you can’t go its going to be dark soon”

A difference you need to learn and quick.

You've confused two things in your post:

1. Your daughter going out after dark - she's 18, it's her choice and your husband agrees. You are allowed not to agree with him or her, but to be cross with either is unfair. You can bet if she was living away from home she would be out into the very small hours of the morning. Hopefully you've bought her up to be sensible and know what to do to keep herself safe walking out alone in the dark?

1. The car - if your daughter is so disrespectful that she takes your car without permission you need to have a serious conversation with her about that. If I had done the same - and I never would have - my mum would have taken me off the car insurance and told me I had lost the privilege due to my lack of respect. Take the keys in the bathroom with you if needs be. Why is she so rude?

You can't whinge at her going for a walk when you're really annoyed about the car.

As for the actual walk - she won't melt. If you're that worried get her to carry a can of Deep Heat - in case she pulls a muscle...

I am not a control freak thank you very much! I work with young people and I am fully aware of what horrible things can happen. She did move away and was very happy to come home as she missed home and her friends.

Why do you choose to live somewhere that you feel is unsafe after 6.30 at night?

Because sexual offences by a family member or an acquaintance are a lot more common than sexual offenses by a stranger

I totally understand the fear of an adult son or daughter going out in the dark but terrible things happen at all hours of the day and we have to hope they're safe. Most 18 year olds would refuse to stay in at 6:30 pm so you can't be surprised at your daughter's reaction. I don't know how to control your fear of something awful happening, I still worry and mine haven't been teenagers for a long time.

I’m really not seeing what risk you are worried about. Could you please clarify?

So you're being rude to your husband when he's treating an adult as an adult? Most people, male and female, walk and run alone after dark, and parents have 18 years to give their child opinions on that, but you don't have the right to tell an adult what to do.
And I'd go mad if my husband was rude to me after I refused to try to control an adult.

You need some help OP. You really do.

This is the problem. If you work in the area of abused or vulnerable young people you will be massively overestimating the risk levels. You are being completely unreasonable trying to impose a 6.30 curfew on your 18 year old daughter and you need to back off completely and let her make her own choices. You are being exceptionally controlling. Her doing nothing in the house or taking your car without permission are entirely separate issues that have nothing to do with her taking a nice rural evening walk.

What happens at 4pm in winter?

I go out for walks in the evening in the dark. I take a torch of course because some roads round here have no street lighting and no pavements

The ones that do have street lighting are not fit for purpose because of course 'street' lighting only lights up the road, not the pavements and causes deep black shadows by cars where dog shit and pot hole pavement breakages lurk

That is my only beef about walking in the dark. I have to use a torch on 'lit' roads.

67 out of 70 people so far think YABU @Charel2girl5

What does that tell you?

OP, IMO YABU and a bit hysterical reacting like that to a walk at this time of night. Or even later.

And you had no business speaking to your DH like that.

If she was away at Uni she’d be out all over the place at all hours.

The car and lack of household jobs is an entirely separate situation.

Talk to her calmly about it. Or get her Dad to talk to her as he is more likely to, on current evidence, to talk to her calmly and reasonably

It tells me that most people don’t live rurally where there are no street lights! I’m bowing out now as I have been unfairly judged. Thank you to those who were supportive.

Did you read my post or not?

I live rurally and it makes SUCH a difference in cars seeing you if you wear even the smallest bit of reflective material. Headtorches are a god send too.

You don’t want an 18 year old being out after dark. In another month or so most people will be going to and from work in the dark. Are we all supposed to hibernate other than work and at what age do you deem it ok to go for a walk in anything other than broad daylight??

in all seriousness, your daughter could walk down a street in the middle of the day and an unfortunate number of things “could” happen to her.

No, you have told her what she can and can’t do and sworn at your DH