Backstabbing colleague

[ItWasCalledYellow]

Can anyone offer any advice here please as I can’t see straight on this work issues! I have worked I my role now for about 6 years, a colleague started after me and we are on the same pay grade. My manager is really really hard to work with and this colleague massages her ego so much and my manager thinks she can do no wrong. The colleague regularly abuses the wfh policy and does not show up in the office sometimes for months on end and my manager says nothing as my colleague flatters her with gifts and tells her how fabulous she is! On top of this she literally has no work load and almost everyday collects her kids from school when she is supposed to be working. This is widely known around the office by everyone except our manager.

But my issue is this colleague regularly picks on small things my team may have not done well and blows it out of proportion and then my manager thinks there is issues on my team. Recently she went behind my back on something and made out it was much much worse than it was. I manage an enormous amount of work and have the most output out of all teams in our department. I have brought in several new initiatives and programmes of work, which have been well received all around the organisation.

AIBU that this colleague is pointing out small things on my team to deflect from the fact she is doing nothing? So the spotlight will be on me and not her lack of work? It seems she is literally untouchable as she flatters our manager so much. Or am I just working too hard and perhaps she has the right idea.

Why don't you also wine and dine your manager? That way you'll be looked upon favourably for both behaviour, work ethic and best output at work.

You’re not being unreasonable. This is really frustrating. Unfortunately my advice is not balanced or mature by any stretch- pull a big sickie or simply stop doing as much. Tell your manager your workload is too much.
I’m in a very similar situation in that a colleague texts and sends photos regularly my manager outside of work and tries to engage her in superficial stuff all of the time. When given work she behaves really anxiously and avoids it. Her workload is glaringly smaller but because she’s a friend to all, no one says anything. She overly questions everything (in a lovely way) which serves as a really successful barrier to being given work.. managers will always give the more capable worker more to do, and especially when they make it easy and reply ‘yes’ with ease. If you’re in a professional team the manager should be asking the team if there’s fair distribution of work and you can reply in an a way that seems ‘objective’. I’d love to know how managers get away with this oversight.

We have this at work. It has created a toxic work environment, which ruins it for the rest of us, who get on. If you also wine and dine your manager, I'd be wary that you'd end up feeling dirty and used for doing it, for want of a better phrase.

The snitch can do no wrong. I told my manager bluntly what they are like to work with, what he is like with the rest of us, etc. According to my manager, the snitch (who is effectively a bully who protects himself by buttering up the manager) was "just being helpful" and that it was my fault. However, the manager has started nit-picking at various things at work, and going after other people instead of mainly me (the scapegoat). The snitch is now much more careful around me after I publicly called him out on his behaviour in front of the manager. I've also stopped cleaning up after the snitch, so the strewn rubbish has since been noticed by the manager. Less so that I'm no longer doing the secretarial work for him, which occasionally messes things up for other people, but I'm being as self-serving as the snitch to make my life easier.

It's depressing, but there are certain aspects of my job that I love and wouldn't want to give up. We're just praying that the snitch isn't our future manager in waiting (although we don't think that he has the academic qualifications for it).

Focus on your close team and ensure you have each other’s backs. You sound like a good team and the support and respect you have for each other will from a strong base from which to launch your attack in due course. Get your ducks in order first.

Thanks for the replies, I do not want to wine and dine my manager, I’m not into that, I prefer to just work hard and not have to flatter people to get on, I’ve over 20 years professional experience I do t need to start doing that now!

It is just frustrating as it appears she is deflecting from her own lack of work, and by picking on things my team have done wrong makes her look good. She has brought such a toxic culture in. My manager is actually in awe of her. Its pathetic. It does appear though hard work means nothing, I’ve done 60 hour weeks while some weeks she’s barely done 6 mins probably.

Could you very professionally call her out in a level and direct way? Regarding the nit picking when there are probably much bigger fish to fry. Ie ‘sally, over the past two weeks you have kindly highlighted abc (insert trivial observations about your team) and while we will take it onboard I find abc (more important stuff) has been of higher priority and focus’. Think of a corporate way of saying ‘shove it’. Maybe ask AI?
Sadly in large organisations working excessively hard doesn’t pay off (60 hour weeks?!) and the popularity contest does. Maybe consider taking your strong work ethic to somewhere it will be better appreciated?

@Bridgetjonesheart thanks I do not regularly work 60 hour weeks but have done on several occasions to meet deadlines, I only stay in current organisation because it’s a short commute and I can wfh 3 days and can take 5 weeks holidays each Summer. Hard to give that up with kids 😢

I would call her out on it but she has our manager flattered to such an extend you cannot say even the slightest thing about her or the team, It is like she has cast a spell on her. TBH I have never seen anything quite like the spell she has cast on our manager in all my career. It’s bizarre.

Sounds very odd, and very frustrating to witness. Surely it won’t/ can’t last forever. How did she do it? The spell. Asking for a friend haha!

@Bridgetjonesheart she shows up with gift bags full of chocolates, hand creams, house plants, scarfs, wine etc! And because she flatters our manager so much telling her how amazing she is and how she admires her so much I guess it’s then hard for the manager to pull her up on breaking wfh policy and collecting kids everyday at school during working hours. She saves thousands on not having wrap around care so a few gift bags are cheap in comparison.

I think her nit picking on my work is to deflect from her lack of work

Could you please clarify your work hierarchy? It sounds like you and this other person both manage teams, and report to the same manager? Is your manager the top of the chain? I'm struggling to understand how you can be managing an enormous workload, but this other person does nothing and gets away with it? I get that she's got your manager wrapped around her finger, but how is this not being recognised by anyone outside this direct report line?
I think I'd be asking for a formal review of workloads with a view to redistribution between the two of you, because if she's nitpicking your team she's clearly got capacity. I'm assuming your manager won't be able to manufacture proof of a non existent workload for this person?

Outright manipulation

Surely other colleagues have also noticed this?

Is there no line manager or anyone above your manager?

I had slightly similar (but no where near as bad).
My manager hired her friend and the friend seemed to get favourable treatment.
Whats worse is the people above her was her mum and dad and so it was tricky saying anything.

In this situation, I would absolutely be going above her head and making a joint complaint.

@Easilyforgotten we both share the same manager, she has manipulated our manager so much that nobody can say anything. It does not always go according to plan going above a managers head, it could easily backfire. I have asked several times for review of work. We are on same team but with different responsibilities.

Everyone can see it but our manager, she makes out she is working on strategy and planning and key priorities but it is all smoke and mirrors with no output. Our manager lets her away with it as she flattered her so much. She is actually a master manipulator! In 20+ years in professional environment I have never seen the likes of this!

I may have phrased that poorly, I was thinking of making a formal request to your manager for a review, not immediately going over her head. I see you've tried this, and this is easy to say from the outside, but can you try again, in writing, or ask for updated job descriptions for both roles or a temporary job swap? Maybe under the guise of cross training or identifying knowledge gaps? You could legitimately phrase it as a learning curve as she seems to believe she has a clearer idea of what your team should be doing than you have? I mean that in respect of the nit-picking, not that she actually does know, it's not a pop at you. I'm just wondering if you can turn that particular trait to your advantage. If you make it about the colleague 'helping you out' rather than an attack you may have more success, and at the very least there would be a papertrail. I would absolutely not be working as hard as you do while someone else was getting paid to do essentially nothing.