What do i do about this? Saying I didnt have abortion

[Wonderinwanderer]

I am not married but I will use MIL to save time/brainspace.
I had an abortion and my MIL has told my partner that I am lying as women today do not get surgical abortions, she "checked the NHS website". I feel so upset and distraught. He believes me of course but he let me know because she has been haranguing him about it. The worst part is that i was just starting to move on when this was thrown at me and its brought it all back up. I find it shocking and deeply upsetting. I dont know what I should do about it.

If that is 100% what she’s said, then yes she is awful, completely, and you would be right in having nothing further to do with her.

However he’s coming out of this looking pretty bad. Not with you for the termination, giving up your private medical information, looking through your messages rather than taking you at your word.

For her to make that comment about medical v surgical abortion, he must have told her how many weeks along it was too. So what else has he told her? I’d be very uncomfortable with a man who had zero boundaries and could, at best, be baited into giving away my personal information.

He sounds like drama. I would drop them both.

I know. I do know, i guess I've just come to expect disappointment from men, but in my life ive been lucky enough to find in women a lot of support and wisdom and I have been blindsided by someone I saw as a maternal figure side swiping me like this. Ive only ever had positive female figures in my life.

I can understand why he blurted it out. My own parent gets personal information out of me in the same way, needling endlessly over some imaginary slight until eventually I explode and end up divulging something I didn't want them to know. It's toxic AF and I'm pretty much NC now because of it happening too many times. They don't care what you tell them they just want to cause drama and play victim, anything you say will be used against you and gossiped about with others. Yet if you try to say nothing or only bland things, the needling and sniping starts. It's impossible.

I'd go NC with her now OP. She's trying to drive a wedge between you and DH. Instead of spending years walking on eggshells around this situation, just let her get on with it, don't try to counteract her bullshit and just see what side he picks. Sounds like he'll pick you but if he doesn't, it's his loss and at least you'll know where you stand. It'll save years of heartache over trying to make such an impossible in-law relationship work.

I know this maybe sounds weird but you might never have another "perfect excuse" to go NC with the toxic witch and regret passing up this opportunity if you don't take it. If you put up with this horrific incident, you could have a lifetime of putting up with lesser things, never feeling like any of them is "big enough" to go NC over and have other people understand why. Then if you do it one day because it's been a "death by 1000 cuts" situation over many years, other people end up thinking you're the drama llama for going NC over "nothing".

Why didn't he accompany you to support you with the abortion?

Thats a very interesting perspective, I hadnt considered that but I think thats an excellent strategy, thank you!

He had to travel for work. But nevertheless it would have been possible for him to be there. For some reason I wanted to do it without him though (I had a family member with me though). I dont know, if he'd been there, I would have welcomed that. But also doing it without him empowered me in a different way. Its hard to explain. I didnt ask for him to be there, but he knew the date.

So apart from the fact I have no idea what you would stay in this relationship, going by their thinking, that is, you would still be pregnant so over time it would be obvious you are not