What do i do about this? Saying I didnt have abortion

[Wonderinwanderer]

I am not married but I will use MIL to save time/brainspace.
I had an abortion and my MIL has told my partner that I am lying as women today do not get surgical abortions, she "checked the NHS website". I feel so upset and distraught. He believes me of course but he let me know because she has been haranguing him about it. The worst part is that i was just starting to move on when this was thrown at me and its brought it all back up. I find it shocking and deeply upsetting. I dont know what I should do about it.

It's absolutely none of her business and you don't need to explain it to us, her or anyone. There's nothing whatsoever wrong with anything you did, however which way it was necessary to do it. I'd literally not speak to her again.

She's clearly both idiotic beyond any kind of education and thinks of you as horrifically untrustworthy.

Your partner needs to tell her she's a fucking disgrace to say that about you.

You should walk away from both of them. The whole situation is totally unacceptable.

I'm fuming.
I'm so angry that I was doing well in ploughing on and moving on from this and it has plunged me all the way back.
I feel really really tempted to say something to her but dont know whether that would do more harm than good

I'd be disgusted with him for sharing it in that way, dilifferent if he was struggling with it and turned to her for support I think, as much as I'd be disgusted with her. Why's he then stirring the pot further by telling you that she doesn't believe you? (Why does it even matter? I mean yeah, she's vile, but so what? Just don't go when he visits)

Walk away from them both. Find someone else so you don’t have to deal with this nonsense

Pills are only used within the early-ish stages of pregnancy. Beyond that, it has to be surgical.

Why do you discuss this with your MIL?

Did she actually say that, or did she say that a lot of people have different types? If she said it to your face, what did you say? If someone else told you, could they be stirring?
It just seems a very odd thing to say, because first, how would she know it was NHS, and even if she checked it, it wouldn't say what type an individual woman would have. Either way, not her business, and I'd be tempted to ask her what she thinks you'd have to gain by lying, and why your particular procedure is her business.

I’m assuming your DP was there when you went to have it done? If not then there’s another fuck up on his part. Bit if he was, then it’s simple isn’t it? “Mum, shut up, I was there.’

No he wasnt there.
Another thing she said: "so why did she organise it for when you werent there?"
Like its a fucking haircut

Op, what is your daily setup? Are you safe? Ok? Is he there?

you have been through a deeply traumatic experience, was this recent?

do you have other children? Are they ok?

You do not need to share anything here. It’s more questions for you to think about.

The method of termination is entirely personal medical information. on the information you have shared the fact your partner has shared that is just as concerning as her response.

Distance yourself from these people.

Your partner has some issues there. Its really not normal to blurt out something so deeply private and its really not normal to deliberately stoke bad feeling between his mother and his partner. I don't know what his game is.

I think "MIL" has now clearly identified herself as a Problem Person. Therefore, you and your boyfriend should deal with her accordingly from now on. Meaning, don't share personal information with her and also get more physical and mental distance from her.

Also, one thing I've gotten much better at with age is "emotional regulation." When I was young, other people's nasty behavior could throw me into all kinds of misery whereas now it takes a lot. I don't know if this will help you but if you step back and look at the situation, you may realize the woman is a kook, so her weird suspicions aren't important. Just my opinion. Good luck.

Thank you for your support. She has munchausens in case that's relevant.
I dont know whats going on with me but i hear you, i dont give a shit about what she thinks, I agree.
Actually my issue is that for whatever insane reason, her actions have made me feel so much more regret for the decision I made. I dont know what the connection is but this whole thing has made me feel bitter regret, when before now, I had made peace with my decision 😔

Regret is the opposite of how you need to see this situation, trust me. I had an ex who told his mum I had a miscarriage after we split and she reacted in the same way. It was horrible and I wanted to rip her face off at the time (was not in a good place) but, as several friends pointed out - you never ever have to see them again. With a baby they would be in your life FOREVER.
Trust me, you will look back and feel relief. If anything she is showing you what a good choice you made. Imagine having her looking after a baby as a "favour" for you...no thanks! You have dodged a bullet and made the best choice possible.

Had your husband made peace with it?

If not, could that explain why he told her?

Otherwise it makes no sense that he saw zero snubbing in the texts, but then went on to explain why you ‘might not have been yourself’??

Sorry but this 100% sounds like your boyfriend's own thoughts that he's too afraid to say directly. Why else share it with you - he either agrees with her that you might not have had one or she said nothing of the sort and it's just him.

Either way I would not be hanging around.

He was trying to justify my (completely non existent) snubbing to her. Only afterwards did he see our conversation

Thank you so much, you've really comforted me with that 💙

I wouldn't fully trust his version of events here either, as others said if the mum loves drama sometimes the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. It could be he is using her as an excuse to be spiteful to you so he doesn't get his hands dirty.

Glad it helped, it was such a sad time but as I said, it made me move on a lot easier. Hopefully you will too.

Doesn't get his hands dirty in what way? Its done and dusted by this stage

I just mean by saying it was her saying nasty things, he gets to say the nasty things to you without seeming like the "bad guy". No need to overthink it, just wave goodbye in the rear-view!

“Just snapped”. Nope. No excuse to disclose this without your permission.

Please don't minimise his absolute betrayal of you.