AIBU to think many (not all) parents do not take responsibility for their kids in the right way?

[lloveweetabix]

My daughter has recently moved to a large city in England to live and work. She is a teacher in a medium school in the suburbs. It has highest attainment levels in the area.
She moved there from an inner city secondary school in our city one which was not high attainment and is considered locally as “rough”.
I had a long chat with her yesterday as she is worried she has made a big mistake. She said since September there has not been one day where she hasn’t had to either make a home call about behaviour or put a child on report or other sanction for behaviour both inside and outside the classroom. She said the majority of the children have zero manners and many of the boys are already displaying sexist and misogynistic behaviour.
She said approx 70 percent of the times she phones home the parents will blame undiagnosed ADHD or just outright say they don’t know what she wants them to do.
She has never had a problem with classroom management before and is well able to handle herself in difficult circumstances. Many of the children display low level disruptive behaviour which is constant. Things like ripping paper when she’s talking. Talking among themselves. Throwing things at each other and arguing for the sake of it. She has spoken to her senior leadership team and they have told her that they all feel the same way about many of these kids and really al you can do is continue to impose sanctions and if there is not support at home then “shoulder shrug”

I think we were both shocked to hear this. As a teacher I rarely have to phone home for behaviour issues And if I do generally the parents are very supportive.

What is the lack of parental responsibility about?

So, you've never had trouble, and she's never had trouble before this one school - but somehow that equates to most parents not parenting correctly?

Yeah this confused me too.

Well that and the fact neither of them appear to have read about pupils like this, or ever spoken to another teacher in the same position.

I do hope no-one thinks the OP has just written this to be goady...

The OPs daughter seems to be working in isolation here. What does her HOD say?
Does this school have any way of recording warnings and an escalating series of sanctions?
If all the individual teachers are ringing the parent in the day whilst they are at work that is going to really piss them off as they may be interrupted 5 times, but even 1 phonecall from school on the day can be stressful for a parent because they automatically think " emergency". This doesn't mean they are "bad parents", but if they have been taken away from their work to deal with " disruptive paper tearing", I can see why they would be annoyed. I would be.
Personally, I prefer initial contact via email. It lets the parent view the mail at a convenient time, you have the opportunity to phrase it in a non confrontational and planned way, you have a written record of what you said and you can give some times where the parent could contact you back.
My personal experience is that parents are a lot more supportive this way, and if they are not, you have the evidence to pass up the line for someone else to deal with.

What are you looking for from this thread that hasn't been covered a hundred times already?

Some parents are crap and don't bother instilling any values or discipline. Some teachers are crap and can't control a class. Some kids are pains in the bum no matter what their parents or teachers do. Some kids are genuinely struggling and need more/better support.

C'est la vie.

I'm not a teacher and no expert, but I imaging the boys' behaviour is largely being copied from their dads, and the parent receiving calls/emails is often the mum.

Total generalisation, but maybe quite often it's not fully under her control what the dc are exposed to.

Of course we have both experienced bad behaviour but it is usually managed and nipped in the bud on the whole. I think my point is that she has not come across parents who will literally accept no responsibility and the behaviour is consistently bad.
the school she is in has a new principal this year and he’s adopted a zero tolerance approach so I’m certain none of academic subjects they are dishing out sanctions daily. They are hoping to put some sort of mentoring program in place to see if that helps but many of the boys are so disrespectful to their female peers and female staff.
Ive obviously read about this but have not experienced in the school I work in thank god!

Clearly we are in a bubble where we are.
ps. I am absolutely not trying to be goady.