Moving out of grandparents

[TurtleMyrtle]

I have 2DC, youngest is 7.

About 2 years ago, me and their dad split so DC and I moved to my parents house (DV).

The divorce is now done and I’m starting to look at moving out. Being with my parents has been great for DC and given us all great stability during a terrible couple of years.

However, my youngest does not want to leave. It’s not even just about my parents, it’s mainly the house itself.

AIBU to move us to our own home despite how DC feels?

They cry whenever I gently raise we might get our own home. They’re struggling with others things too, at the moment, which doesn’t help.

How do I handle this?

You move.
You don't ask a 7 yo and a ? for permission or advice.
It's not up to your children to decide. You are the grown up.

This.

You also accent the positives- a garden to play in, lots of room for toys, getting to choose how their room is decorated.

Yes, you still move. Living with your parents is not a long term realistic option. But your children have dealt with a lot of change in a short amount of time, so you need to be empathetic and understanding about what they've lost, what they will loose, and balance that against being positive about what the move means for them and your family.But living in a house with DV, divorce, moving, settling and then moving again is very destabilising and upsetting. Will the move mean changing school as well? You have to acknowledge that it's hard and feels unfair to them, possibly scary, upsetting. You can't deny their reality or their feelings, you help them express them and understand them.

It might be more that your parents home has offered safety and stability after their experience at home with the domestic abuse.
I would reassure them about what will stay the same - school, routine, activities and regular visits to grandparents. And explain that as the adult you are making the decisions about what is best for them.
I think routine and predictability is what he needs; try to provide clear information about when and what it will be like

Also get your parents on board with giving the same message

Like others have said, this isn't a decision or conversation for a 7 year old. Look for a house and when you find it show it to them and tell them when you are moving. They really don't need to be part of any decision talk and don't need you gently raising it - way too stressful for a 7 year old. Once they see the actual house it will be easier and you can find something nice about it for them - corner shop/bedroom/nook for toys/whatever. And yes to the suggestion of getting your parents on board when the time comes. I really would just stop talking about it until it is about to happen.

Thank you all.

It won’t mean moving schools, which is a positive and my parents are really on board.

I can’t really preach about space as the house we’re moving to is very small and my parents house is really big!

The house I’ve found needs renovating (minor stuff) so that will be done before moving, and they can help choose decor. They can spend some time there too.

ExH is moving shortly so at least changes will be staggered.

I just feel so sad for them.