To still go to church even the weekend my friend is staying with me?

[returnthelamp]

My friend is coming to visit and to stay with me Saturday - Wednesday. We have mutual friends in the area who we will also meet up with together. I go to church on Sunday mornings and it’s important to me so I’d still like to go whenever my friend is staying. AIBU? I don’t know if she’d like to come with me (she’d be welcome to) but she doesn’t have to and I’d be quite happy for her to relax at my house or for her to get the bus somewhere to do her own thing for the morning. It will only be for a couple of hours and then I’ll be home. Would it be ok for me still to go when she’s visiting?

Absolutely fine.

Not being able to do my thing even if I have guests! Puts me off either being a guest or having guests!
I couldn’t cope if I visited for that long or had a visitor for a couple of days to not able to go out without each other!

Wow to some of the replies- my family go to Mass every day when they can and Sundays are non-negotiable to them, but they will go to the Sunday evening or Saturday vigil mass if necessary to adjust for having something else on or visitors.

If I’m visiting them, they are usually back before I’m up (and I sometimes get brought back a nice takeaway coffee and a breakfast pastry) or I might take a lift into town with them and entertain myself while Mass is on (browse shops/coffee shop) and have a bit of brunch with them after. It would be massively disrespectful of me to try to get them not to go or for them to try to make me attend, but happily we all respect each other’s wishes.

OP if your visitors can’t entertain themselves for an hour, that’s their problem and makes them a bad guest.

I'm a very strong atheist but if I was visiting a person who wanted to go to a religious service of whatever ilk, of course I would completely respect that. And I'd entertain myself happily for how ever long it was

I’m not remotely religious but wouldn’t have a problem at all with someone doing this whilst I was visiting them. It’s part of your routine and it’s important to you.

Who's not going to leave access to tea and coffee in this situation!?

It's very pompous of you to think you might be one of only a few to think about that.

If I was staying with my friend who I knew was very religious and went to church, no way would I expect them to skip. Non Christians might say it’s rude but they dont share your faith and won’t see it the same way - go to Church. Your friend won’t expect you to change - as you said they would be welcome to go with you

Of course it’s fine. I often have freinds stay and do church / park run / the gym etc without them if they don’t want to join me. They also go out and about on their own if they want too when I’m not about or even when I am about. Friendship should be relaxed and easy.

All this ^^

However as a lapsed Catholic my Irish mammy has no problem whatsoever laying down any amount of guilt trips to get me to have a bit of Mass…

I haven't read the thread, but although I am not religious, remain respectful of those who are. So when we visited my relgious cousin a few years ago she was clear what her commitments were and we worked around those.

She’s your friend, she understands your faith is important to you. It’s not as if she’s with you for just a few hours, you’ve got days together.

I can’t imagine a good friend having a problem with occupying herself for a couple of hours.

I go to stay with different sets of friends a lot, and host them. I would absolutely expect hosting friends to attend their usual commitments while I’m visiting, whether that’s volunteering at Parkrun or going to church/mosque/whatever.

I would go. Other than only going to one service (whether evening or morning), I wouldn't compromise on it.

I think it's important to be clear about this in advance when you have guests. It isn't fair to only let your guest know once they've arrived.

I have a great friend from childhood who I have just reconnected with. She has found religion and is the most happiest and content person I have ever come across. I, myself, do not practice, but if she invited me to stay at hers and she was nipping out for a few hours, it would not matter. I’d just be glad to have been invited. To be honest I would probably go with her as thanks for the hospitality and to take an interest in her choices.

What time is your church service and how long will you be away from the house?

In general, if I knew that a friend was religious, I'd be okay with it. And as an introvert I'd probably like that bit of space to myself. But you know your friend best.

Just say "I normally go to church on Sunday from x time to y time. Is that okay? You're welcome to join me or to have a nice lie in/time to yourself"

Just tell her you will be going to church on Sunday morning. She'll say if she wants to go with you.

I like your approach. I hate feeling stifled as either host or guest and all my friends are the same.

No one has ever minded (to my face!)

Well, if they had, behind your back like @metowel, they'd be very self-centred and two-faced. Imagine getting secretly butthurt because you're not together for 116 hours non-stop - no need for that.

Atheist here. I wouldn’t mind. I’d go with you if the music was good and the architecture was nice.

Mine have given up the guilt trips but they say a LOT of prayers for me 😂

Friendship should be relaxed and easy.

This.
I've stayed with a friend who went off to get her hair done whilst I was staying with her. It was rather nice as it gave me a couple of hours to wander round her town where I'd not been before (normally tended to spend the time in her house).
I've had friends stay who were really in my City to visit their dd at the University here, so I saw very little of them. All fine, as we all knew beforehand. I was able to save them spending money on a hotel, I was able to see them and spend a bit of time with them, but didn't have to put my whole life on hold to entertain them.
I can't imagine any of my friends being unable to entertain themselves for a couple of hours on a Sunday morning without me, and I can't imagine not being able to entertain myself for a couple of hours at a friend's house.

I think it is fine. I would not mind this at all. X

It is essential to people that practice the faith. I don’t think you’d say the same to someone who was of another religion- “just skip mosque/synagogue” etc - as there is an understanding that they have to go.

stop 🤣 it’s a few hrs

What?!? Why??

I'd enjoy you going! Having someone to stay/staying at someone's house is quite intense. No matter how much fun you'll have together.

I would have a lie-in or go somewhere near you for a walk or coffee and recharge my social batteries.

Sounds like a win. But tell her now, explaining she's invited but no pressure. Keep it simple.