To still go to church even the weekend my friend is staying with me?

[returnthelamp]

My friend is coming to visit and to stay with me Saturday - Wednesday. We have mutual friends in the area who we will also meet up with together. I go to church on Sunday mornings and it’s important to me so I’d still like to go whenever my friend is staying. AIBU? I don’t know if she’d like to come with me (she’d be welcome to) but she doesn’t have to and I’d be quite happy for her to relax at my house or for her to get the bus somewhere to do her own thing for the morning. It will only be for a couple of hours and then I’ll be home. Would it be ok for me still to go when she’s visiting?

I’m as atheist as they come and I wouldn’t mind at all. I’d have a nice lie in.

If you’re a super observant Catholic for example, you have to hear Mass weekly. This is what the late Saturday Mass was invented for. Otherwise you had to get there early to the last Mass which was 6:30 on a Sunday and the priest would give massive sermons cos he knew most of us were there cos we’d been too hungover to make Sunday morning mass.

Gosh, I am a way more hands off host.

We have people to stay regularly and whilst we do spend the majority of the time together, if I have an appointment or need to get groceries I will just give the guest the option to come with me or do their own thing.

No one has ever minded (to my face!)

Please don’t try and correct me about my religion, it’s deeply inappropriate and rude. This thread isn’t about religious beliefs. It’s about whether op is being unreasonable or not. You think she is, I think she isn’t. That’s fine.

I dont think you understood that passage. Its actually: "For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them" (Matthew 18:20).
Im not a Christian, but i find it pretty damn rude of you to butcher a teaching from the Bible just to try to points score on Mumsnet.

My friend is a very committed Catholic. When I stay with her she always goes to Sunday mass while I (agnostic) stay back. I am not the slightest bit offended. I'm glad that she has such a strong faith and that it means so much to her.

Very kindly said ❤️

OP last time I stayed with friends they went to church. They invited me and I wasn’t going to go, but at last minute I got up and got ready to join them.

A few years ago I’d have been of the opinion to be a good friend and host you should completely devote yourself to your guests. But the older I get the more I realise things like that are not necessary.

You don’t always need to put yourself out where it’s not called for - they’re an adult and will be fine to have a lie in and a coffee while you’re at church surely. Or they join you.

Unless there was somewhere specific they had planned to go with you on Sunday morning I don’t see why this would bother them?

I don't think you need to feel guilty about going, or skipping it, either. Tell your friend she's welcome to join you, but no pressure and give her options. If she's choosing a lie-in, be gracious and leave coffee/tea, something nice to eat like croissant or pastries and fruit. She might enjoy sone time on her own. If you skip church enjoy the time with your friend over a lovely relaxing breakfast.

I'd say this is fine but just go to the service, no hanging about afterwards.
Said as a regular church-goer.

Indeed i once heard the expression "lets all wear pink hats" meaning let's agree to disagree. So ive put on my pink hat

Faith is a subjective thing. I've heard deeply knowledgeable Christians who spent years in academia say wistfully thst they wished they had the faith of the Muslim nomad who said he was never alone or at risk because god travelled with him. But i feel its ok to miss church just once, God forgives much bigger things

Would you go for sport team training or other regular social event?

If yes, go ahead. If not, don't. Religion isn't more special than other kind of social activity or hobby. Or better phrased, religion is not a better excuse than anything else.

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I'd say that for 5 days visit mentioning to her before she comes that there is one day where you have something regular you'd really like to attend and she is welcome to join you or make her own plans sounds fine to me.

I would go to church but probably wouldn't stay for tea and chat afterwards.
All my friends know I go to church so would expect me to go. I'm a nicer person after I've been to church. Calmer. So everyone benefits from me going.

I would go OP - I have gone when friends and family visit, and also found a local parish to go to when I'm the visitor. It's important to me, and people I know well enough to come and stay understand that. I would think your friend would understand.

So long as you don't force her to come with you and you tell her in advance, that is fine. If your normal practice were just to attend once or twice a month then it would be polite to choose not to go unless she wanted to join you, but if your normal practice is to go every sunday then it is quite right and proper to stick with that, a good friend wouldn't expect you to abandon your normal spiritual pursuits. If it was my church I would have the option to go to a shorter 8am service rather than the main 10am service and I might do that if that would allow for more flexibility in potential activities with my visitor.

YANBU, clearly other posters don't get it. The service could well be over by the time friend is done having a nice Sunday lie in and slow morning! You could lay out things for coffee for her, maybe get some pastries if you wanted.

I'm not I'm pointing that christ never spoke about church and was happy to be there with 2 or 3 people...its common practice to shorten a quote when it doesn't completely change the meaning.

Christ didn't have time for organised Jewish faith, he wanted people to live in the real world. Looking after the sick and needy

It was later, when they froze out women and Mary Magdalene suddenly became a prostitute, that attendance at church became compulsory

How often do you see them? Do they know your committed and go every Sunday? How far are they travelling to see you?

If I was the guest, I think I’d be a bit miffed, and would probably opt to travel on Sunday morning and arrive after church had I known. I have friends who are church goers, and insist on going on a Sunday , even when staying away. Although I respect their views, sometimes it’s also a little selfish as everyone has to fit around them.

I find weekends like this overwhelming so I would be glad to get out of house or be left in house on my own.

I would be encouraging going and to go to ant other activity. You aren't glued together

I find this comment so rude. Its her religion and important to her. Its only an hour so im sure the friend would be ok.

Apologies if I've missed the post(s) but nobody yet seems to have asked "What does your God say?"

PS (Huge Mumsnet fan, let's hear it for 21st century consciousness-raising. etc...)

PPS Atheist,

Back off.

You don't get to to tell the OP how and where she worships God.

What would happen if you didn’t go and spent time with your friend?

I wouldn’t mind if you felt you needed to go, but as a non religious person I would be eyerolling you (at least) if you invited me and would interpret this as you thinking I might need to be saved from my sins.

It’s absolutely fine OP, just let her know in advance so she can make plans or have the things in that she wants for a lazy Sunday morning. As others have said, I might opt for a shorter/ earlier service if there was an option (and she didn’t want to come with me) and I wouldn’t go to the coffee after, but it’s absolutely fine to go.

I went away with friends recently to a major cathedral city and said I would be going to the 9am service. My friends looked a little surprised but had a lie in and then we met for brunch.