To move my child’s school if they don’t want to

[Beepboobeep]

We have decided we will be sending my DD, currently in yr5, to a private senior school and we have found a school we think is perfect for her. We took her to a recent open day and she loved it.

We would love to send her earlier, probably for year 6 rather than remainder of this year, because we don’t think her current primary school is right for her. It’s a very academically focused and successful school because it teaches to exams in order to try and retain its very high rankings. As a result, it puts huge amounts of pressure on the children around testing.

My DD will be in tears and unhappy at the end of every half term of when the tests are done. It is destroying her confidence and giving her a hang up over test.

There are also major issues with her class having a high number of disruptive, and in one case, violent children.

My husband and I therefore believe it is in her best interests to move now and have a more nurturing environment.

But she says she doesn’t want to move. She has a nice group of friends (although there is the usual girly politics) and probably also just a fear of change.

The school we like has a year 7 entrance test and interview but it’s not overly academic. She’d still have to do the test to go earlier, but it wouldn’t be as competitive. They have spaces in her year group and it’s not a standard entry point. And it would take the pressure off year 7 as we would have to put her on for the exam for this school and others “just in case” she didn’t make this one.

I have started to gently try to prep her for the yr 7 test, but with the pressure at school already putting her off learning, it’s a bit of a battle to get her to do more. And I don’t want to overly push. I think sending her earlier would therefore also take some of the pressure off as she would then be guaranteed entry to the senior school.

AIBU to move her school early if she doesn’t want to go? And / or how do I sell it to her?

This sounds very tricky OP, sorry to say. 😔
She loved the open day, but is hesitant to go there for year 6, yes?

Does she know any students currently who go there? Maybe from clubs (sports/music) etc? 🤔

I would be inclined to bite the bullet, and send her for year 6 to take the pressure off, but it's your call.
@Beepboobeep

AIBU To move my child’s school if they don’t want to

It's not easy to move a school, so I'd leave it where it is and just move your child instead.

Moving her in Y6 will be tough - she’ll be joining established friendship groups etc. if she doesn’t manage to break in socially it could be a really hard year for her. I would leave it and send her at the normal entry point.

We moved a child who didn't want to, but at the start of Y7, they loved our second choice. The journey was too much. They hated us for a week, enjoyed telling us we were terrible in weeks 2 and 3 and by week 4 stopped mentioning it. It does help though that it's y7. I do feel they understood why we made the change, even if they were sad to lose new friends. If she is quite mature (and deep down understands the issues), she may well find it easier than if she is not.

I’d move her during year 5 tbh so that she has friends and gets to enjoy year 6.

My son was horrifically bullied and severely depressed in primary school. I moved him, granted he didn’t want to go to the school anymore but he wanted to home ed and I wasn’t in the position to, so I moved him to a different school in the middle of Y6 after a very serious violent incident. It was hard and he cried for the first week or two, but then he settled and he made friends. He went back to being the happy, soft and hilarious boy that I know, brought his guards back down and honestly, best thing I ever did. He even admits that now. He’s happy in secondary school now, with people he went to the new primary too. Only you know your child, but I just wanted to give a positive experience of moving at a tricky time in their education.

I believe (and others will disagree) that education is ultimately a parental choice. I have moved 2/3 of mine with initial reluctance, it turned out for the best and they were ultimately very happy and did well. Children do not have the maturity to think past “I don’t want to lose my friends”.

Sorry should have said she loved the senior school open day and wants to go there for senior school. She was happy enough going around the prep but did cry when we left, she couldn’t really explain why.

We bumped onto a girl in her year whose brother goes to the senior school and whose parents are considering sending her for yr6. I am really hoping they do if we do the same.

I largely agree at this age, children can focus on small things when looking around a school and it will make their whole mind up.

I think you will find that any decent school does assessments at least every term. Assessment is crucial to plan work at the right level for your child!

Yes of course. The school we are looking at does them too, I would expect it to.

The issue I have is with the teaching to SATs tests alone (restricting the curriculum) and specifically the intense pressure at my child’s school that is put on results - including sharing everybody’s results with the entire class and explaining grade boundaries in the classroom ie who is greater depth, expected or working towards with the children from age 8.

Consequently, children delight in telling everyone how clever they are or on the flip side have already written themselves off.

I could go into many examples, but safe to say it is highly toxic and definitely not the norm when I speak to parents of children at other schools (whether private or state).

I am slightly struggling with the contradiction of the private school having an entrance exam and an interview to get in, but not being pressurised. Do they definitely take all their Y6 children into Y7 without any sort of exam (even if they don't have to take the exam, might they be managed out?)

Moving in Year 5 is quite a good time to move girls as it's a natural time for some to be moving towards puberty/growing up earlier than others so friendships groups tend to fragment anyway. And I admit, your current school sounds awful.

I'd be tempted to move her (after checking that you genuinely aren't moving from frying pan to fire) and make every effort to keep up existing friendships if she wants to - are they all local children so this could be done organically via playing out etc?

The amount of pressure that some schools put on children for sats is really unfair. My kids school spoke about it through year 5 and 6 (eg 'if you carry on like this you'll fail your sats!), by the time they came round it had been built up in their heads to the biggest deal in their whole lives. It was sad to read in their leaving yearbooks how often sats were mentioned in their memories of primary. A measure of teaching ability has been turned into the entire focus of two years at school, and it's wrong. Lots of kids were struggling with anxiety about it.

If you can remove her from this environment, I would. Plus if its a feeder school for secondary it will make it much easier to fit in if she already knows some children

I agree with this and we moved our daughter following a house move. She was slightly younger but still resistant and ultimately we did just get to the stage of telling her that it was our decision and it would be happening. That said, we promised we'd support her to keep up with her friends from her old school and we would support her to make new friends - both of these basically just mean we spend a decent amount of time driving her around!! She is allowed be upset and frustrated at the decision and you support her through that but if you think its the right decision, then you go for it and do what is needed to make it as easy for her as possible.

Yes 100% automatic entry from year 6 to 7. I know people whose children go there.

The school says entry into yr7 is made up 50% on test (but the head said really not to worry about it) and 50% on reference from existing school, which I have zero concerns about.

I am yet to find a single private school in our area that does not do some sort of entrance exam, yet many sell themselves as non-selective and based on an ethos of celebrating an individual’s interests and talents.

Of you think a private school is going to put any less pressure on her for testing results, you’re mistaken.

Assessment doesn't have to be confidence eroding high pressured "tests". A lot depends on how it is presented to the children.
OP, i am usually ideogically oppused to private education but in this case, i would move your dsughter asap.

At the end of the day @Beepboobeep she's a child and you are the parents. Its your decision and you should do what you believe to be in her best interests.

Year 6 is a hard point to move- there is a big focus on transition and lots of established friendship groups. On the other hand, if you’re definitely going to the secondary it gives a slightly softer landing and run-in when you still have a bit more contact with parents.

You are still likely to find that there is a lot of exam pressure in term 1 but then the last two terms will be broader curriculum and fun at the point SATs stuff ramps up in state schools.

We moved for year 5 so had an extra year of run-in. This term so far has been pretty intense but breadth has been kept and my daughter is really looking forward to January once 11 plus is over. They have a fab residential planned, will be doing a big production, lots of focus on languages and extended learning in science, history, French and Latin and it will suit her much more than a term of sats cramming would have done.

We have a similar sounding secondary school near us, although they guarantee a place in senior school if you join in year 5 & 6. We considered it for year 6, as the school focuses hard on SATS and I was told it csn be quite a boring year. We decided against it in the end, as DD is happy at school and we wanted her to finish primary with her class.

I would feel differently in your shoes, as you are worried about the current school. I agree that you can see the bigger picture in the way your child can't. Would they let her do a taster day? Personally I would move her. It's still only 1 transition and settling in now will make year 7 easier.

TBH I would move her before Y6 if you think it's a better fit for her and she will be going for Y7 anyway.

Y6 is all about SATs in state primary schools. Some primaries take it very seriously and put loads more pressure on, others hardly put any emphasis on them. From what you have indicated, her current school would be in the former camp, not the latter.

If she isn't thriving, move her