To expect a reply?!?

[Motomum23]

If you sent your mum a really long text message (because that is your usual method of communicating and she doesn't like phone calls) how long would you expect her to leave it before you get a reply- even an acknowledgement?

I've got a weird relationship with my mum so im just curious how quickly you'd feel let down if you didn't get a response to a message???

Depends on the message. lots of complaining I’d probably ignore. Arguing over text I can’t be done with.
text should be short even if that’s your normal communication. Mine are never long and I communicate by text mostly.

Depends on the message - is it one that requires a quick 'ok', does she need to digest the message and give some thought before she replies or is she likely to be sending a similarly lengthy response.
When I message my mum I get the 3 dots for ages as she types and then the response is about 3 words and I was thinking she was writing paragraphs

Did you ask a question? My brother only replies if there is a question.
My mum would probably give me a thumbs up if it was good news. Or ignore it and speak about it when we see each other. I dont get offended its just the way they are but fine in person.

Depends what the message was about, I suppose. But generally a few days to a week. But if you didn’t ask a question, there might not be a reply.

If it’s a really long one then at least a couple of days.

My mum doesn't return calls or messages for weeks. I have usually forgotten what I wanted to say, or it has timed out.

Three days.

My mother would reply instantly, but I would not necessarily reply for a few days.

I sometimes don’t respond to texts for weeks. If it comes, especially WhatsApp, then I can easily get 50 other WhatsApp’s on top of it - bloody groups - by the end of the day. I’ll just forget. Normally once every couple of weeks, I’ll get a chance to scroll back ages.

I'd need to wait for a time when I had the headspace and capacity to read and process a really long message.

Then I'd have to decide what level of response it warranted.

Then I'd have to formulate a response.

Then I'd have to wait for the time when I had the headspace and capacity to send a reply that was going to be fit for purpose.

So, a few days? A week? A few weeks?

But it would depend on what it was asking of me really.

My dad is terrible for this. Dsis & I have a WhatsApp with him just so we can check in with him and update him with our news. We can type screeds - pages - of chat before he contributes anything at all. About 90% of the time he’ll read and leave without saying a single word, no reaction whatsoever, whether you’re having a tough time or have shared some great news. Just dead air. It baffles us.

It's even more annoying because he constantly goes on about how lonely he feels, but rarely engages when we try to include him. (And before anyone suggests it’s a text thing, it’s not - he responds immediately when his partner messages him multiple times a day, and you can bet he never leaves her on read!) Sometimes it’s because he’s got distracted and forgotten, but mostly I think it’s because we’re just not really a priority for him. Which is sad but we’ve kind of made peace with it since our mum died.

Thanks for all the replies - a bit of complaining but my husband had been very ill and I was updating her about that as well as telling her about a holiday we had been on etc... it was probably as long as the text she had sent a couple of days earlier (which she sent in response to my message 'I haven't heard from you in ages hope you and your husband are ok')

It's been 2 weeks. We spent 10 years NC up until about 10 years ago so I sort of figured she might actually want to stay in touch but im starting to think shes not interested in a relationship.

She might just be really rubbish at keeping in touch?

Particularly if it's just the checking in/information sharing stuff.

But I would also.consider why you went nc in the first place, what motivated ending that, whether this is a recent change or an ongoing pattern that you've just reached a limit with, is the relationship generally positive, does it enhance your life.

Obviously, I'm not asking you to explain amy of that. They are more questions you might want to ask yourself.

I'm nc with my mother and have been for 15 years for very serious reasons. So I can't really imagine going nc but then resuming contact. But you must have had your reasons for that.

Has she definitely read it/received it? Is she definitely ok herself?

Speaking as a mum i reply immediately i see a message. Longest i'd go without seeing the message is a day.

If you've a complicated relationship then perhaps it's best to expect less 💐

If my mum didn’t reply instantly I’d assume she’s dropped her phone down a well. She loves to hear from her kids.

If you didn't communicate for 10 years, then 2 weeks is a gnat's fart in comparison.

It depends on the relationship you have with individuals. I have two long-standing friends who I see a couple of times a year. One I am in daily contact with, we swap Wordle scores, and general chit chat. The other is much more random, and it could 2 months between responses. It doesn't affect the relationship.

Maybe don't send everything you have to say in one text? Unless it has to be said there and then, spread it out over a few texts across a couple of weeks.

My sister sends me very long texts and I switch off before I am even half way through. It puts me off messaging her as I know what will be heading my way in response.

Days to a week.
Depends on mothers daily routines and health.