To want a day to myself

[PeppyDenimSheep]

I work from home one day a week (different day each week), my husband can work from home 2-3 days a week. When I work from home, he always chooses one of his wfh day's as the same as day me, so I am never at home by myself. He has done this for years and sometimes I just want a day to myself. Tomorrow I have booked annual leave as I just want a day to myself without working from home and getting calls / emails. I just want a day where I'm on my own with nobody bothering me. I had no plans for my day off, I was planning on doing nothing as I never get to do that. I have Saturday plans leading up to Christmas, Sunday's I spend doing housework and in evenings after work my husband hogs the TV so I never get to watch what I want. I know it sounds sad but I was really looking foward to a day at home by myself and I have had this day off booked for ages.

Now my husband springs on me he will also be at home tomorrow!! I told him I was looking foward to a day by myself, he said most wifes would love it if their hubsands want to spend time with them. We do Friday night date night every week and spend a lot of time together, I just wanted 1 day to myself with nothing to do. Is that bad?

I love having a day to myself with nobody else in the house.

Yanbu.

Wow some people are very sensitive about who chooses the evening tv

@PeppyDenimSheep is this the same husband who was a complete dick about your wedding photos?

I like my husband, I love my husband, I don't want to spend every minute of every waking hour with my husband......that's okay!

I too need some time just to myself, my husband gets it- he would probably prefer us to be glued together but as a reasonable human he understands that not everyone is the same and he gets that sometimes people need their own company.

Tell your husband OP, and if all else fails if I were your mate you would be welcome to crash on my couch for the day and watch tat.....I'd even lend you my dog for cuddles!

I’d cancel the leave and take it on a day he wasn’t at home. What a weirdo! We take it in turns to work from home and it’s ideal! Why does he get to ruin your peace?

Before you get depressed at other people's relationships, I'd double check your DH isn't like the OP and would actually love a day in the house alone.

OPs husband assumed she loved it too.

There is nothing depressing about wanting some solitude. In fact, I'd say it's healthier than being dependent on someone else being present for your happiness.

My DP finds it weird that I will choose to WFH when he's not there. He's very much a people person, but doesn't get much interaction due to the current nature of his work. I'm in the office everyday - so if i choose to WFH, I'd prefer it to be quiet and away from other people - including him! He doesn't understand....

Friend of mine sent her husband back to work two weeks after his retirement.

Dh is my favourite person to spend time with but I do love Wednesdays because he goes into the office and I have the house to myself.

Before Covid he used to work from home on the day I spent the morning with a friend as he too likes being in the house by himself too.

No one gets upset or offended for voicing these feelings. I love him so much and we spend a lot of time together, but I also like being on my own.

Talk to him, tell him you just want this one day to yourself with no one else in the house.

I was going to say this. I'd be telling him you need equal.leisure time which means he needs to step up on the Sunday housework and you need a say in what you watch on tv

My husband (apart from my DD) is my favourite person in the world but I want to spend a "selfish" (for want of a better word) occasionally. Do I want music on that might disturb teams meetings etc? Yes. Not check if he's on a call before I hoover? Yes. He does more than his share of house stuff and these are just examples. Sometimes I want to make a brew and scoff a full packet of twirls without sharing, that's ok too.
Tomorrow I'm having the day off I'm doing the school run then I'm going to bed for a couple of hours then I'm off shopping with my friend and then home to have a rest. Doesn't mean I love my husband any less just means I know what my mental health needs these days and IMO that's one of the wonders of growing older.

OP you might find similar posters on this thread who also need their own space.

I have ongoing issues with my DH who will plan to be in the office but change his mind as soon as he knows I’m at home. My heart sinks!

I know book a day off and don’t tell him until he’s left for the day and say it’s last minute unplanned day off. Otherwise I’d never get anytime to myself.

For those sneering at OP for ‘not loving’ her DH this couldn’t be further from the truth. Some people get enormously fatigued from being on all the time and just interacting with people and the only way to ‘fill their cup’ is to have time alone in their own space.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4932835-in-a-state-of-inertia-when-dh-around?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

YANBU I'd be so annoyed. I love a day at home by myself it's like a little holiday!

OP, why on earth is he hogging the telly and not doing housework too??

Totally get this; it’s nothing against your husband but the way you recharge

YANBU, I work part time and hate it when my DH wfh on my non-working days, admittedly this is mostly because I then feel I have to actually do useful stuff rather than sit around watching tv (to give him his due he wouldn't actually care so long as the housework got done at some point, it just makes me feel guilty).

Is it sex? You just want a day by yourself, snacks and tv, total relaxation with no one to answer to, no conversation, just recharging and switching off your brain. He just thinks yippee, wifey doesn't have to work therefore I can get a shag in?

What exactly is he doing at home though, working or has he booked the day off too? Cause if its the former it's not "husband spending time with you"- he should be working.

I'd ask him right out does he have a problem with you being at home by yourself? If he's not a total dick he'll say no in which case spell it out "This is my rest and recharge day, I want to be by myself and not have to talk to anyone, see anyone, make myself available to anyone. I've had this booked for ages. You've told me you don't have a problem with me being at home alone so prove it, you don't need to be here, you've got work, so please respect my plans" If he protests "You clearly DO have a problem with me being at home by myself then so what is it?"

All else fails, tell him you're going into the office after all seeing as you can't get the day you planned because he's acting like a needy twat then book a hotel.

If its the latter I guarantee he's hijacking your rest and recharge day with being available for a day of sexy time. And using "most wives would love their husbands to spend time with them" as a way of guilting you into it.

I hear you, OP. As much as I love DH, I need time alone. DH is the opposite (someone once remarked that under the definition of "extrovert" in the dictionary, there is DH's picture). Over the years, we have managed to work this out so that I can have the house to myself now and then to recharge.

As for retirement, we are both retired now, and we spend a lot of time together, but he is often out of the house: getting together with men friends to watch sports, doing DIY at our son's house, ferrying grandchildren about, taking DDog to the dog park, etc. so I still have the time that I need.

My husband would be gutted if I had done what your husband had done. We spend quality time together, on an almost daily basis, but we still appreciate time to ourselves. We actually have one set night mid week where we spend it in separate rooms so we can watch stuff the other isn't interested, and on that night cook own dinner, so we can eat stuff the other one is less keen on.

For various reasons, husband rarely has our home to himself - the rare occasions he does, he really enjoys it. Doesn't mean he doesn't love spending time with me. It's a healthy balance

CurdinHenry

men will never get it because they get more time on their own/ to themselves.

Absolutely nothing wrong with wanted some space and time to yourself. Don’t let anyone tell you different. We can love children/partners/parents dearly, doesn’t mean we want them around all the time. You deserve time and space to yourself. Your husband is being a needy, whiny dickhead.

What?? Why? You sound needy. I totally get the OP. I also need time to myself. Thankfully my husband gives me it.

Have an honest conversation and be firm about needing a day, if he cant respect your space then he needs help to deal with his own insecurity of you being your own person.
If he wont budge can you rebook your day off to a different day and don't tell him.
About the TV, agree you each choose what to watch alternative nights, if he doesn't want to watch what you want then he can go do something else, again if he can't compromise on this then he needs a good talking too about the balance in your relationship.