To be worried my teen son won’t grow any more?

[Tradversionok]

He’s not far off 16 and he’s 5ft 6. We are not a family of giants, he’s not shaving or anything, and he’s a late bloomer (grew 6 inches in 14 months) - but I still worry that’s it. No more in the tank. I guess I can’t know.

I worry because I can see him internalise it, brush it off but get upset by it and compare himself to his friends. And I just want him to feel good about himself. To feel confident and to find a girlfriend and feel good about that side of his life (when he’s ready etc)

obviously I boost him all the time. I think he’s wonderful and tell him. I’ve just come here to voice my anxieties.

I was a late developer, 5ft 4in at 16 and grew to just under 6ft, now shrunk to 5ft 11in due to old age,

How tall are you and how tall is his Dad?

I wouldn't worry about the girlfriend angle - I'm 5' 10" and my shortest boyfriend was
5' 3". Personality is far more important.

I was still growing into my very late teens.

Does it seem to be that height is more valued nowadays? Down to all the manosphere stuff telling boys that women only value men who are tall, buff and earn well? Also with dating apps with height filters.

My brother is 50 odd and 5ft 6 and would be deemed short by today's standards. Growing up his height was never mentioned, and as a teen he was uber confident, and had girls chasing him. Happily married now.

Age is less important than pubertal stage. Boys have their peak growth spurt tanner stage 3 and 4. Tanner stage 5 is when they have matured and growth plates have closed.

There are charts you can google. If he’s not tanner stage 5 he’s not done.

I'm 6', my husband is 6'3", DS1 (21) is 6'4" and DS2 (almost 19) is 5'10"

DS feels small, he isn't of course, but regardless that is how he feels.

I've reads that it's almost genetically impossible for a son to be smaller than his mum, so I think he'll continue to grow (a guy I work with went to uni at 18 being 6'1 and came home at 21 being 6'7"!) but DS2 is convinved that's it he won't grow anymore.

It doesn't affect anything, he's happy, has friends, job, girlfriend, etc but just saying 'don't be daft of course you're not small' doesn't just magically change his mind.

When I was his age I was convinced I had fat legs, looking back now I see I absolutely didn't, but when you're young you are much more likely to pick an insecurity up and run far with it!

I understand how your son (and you) feel OP

I honestly have no preference as far as height is concerned. Wouldn’t rule out anyone based on their height alone.

We all want our kids to fit in and not stand out- but you are right, someone is on either end of the normal curve. Of course it's ok to worry about that- but as others have said it's how you carry yourself and it's that confidence and self live that hopefully you can influence most.

I think you are doing the right thing- he eats well, plays sports, goes to gym etc etc and you aren't obsessing about his height.

If he doesn't grow any more and has an issue with it (not a guarantee that he will have an issue btw.!) you can only listen and empathise etc- which sounds like, from your posts, exactly would be your approach.

I get why you’re worrying about this @Tradversionok . My DS is very very tall, and I do stress a bit about that too, as it makes him (literally) stand out, and feel really awkward. I pray he won’t grow any more

A happy medium would be good for our DC!

@Tradversionok YANBU. I worried about DS too - DH is 5’10 but DS was still about 5’6 at 15, no facial hair etc. Some of his friends looked like men while he very much looked like a boy. He was very self conscious about it.

He’s now 29 and 5,10 like his dad. So not the tallest but it’s ok. He’s also just got his first girlfriend because girls his age mainly seem to want tall guys. He tried online dating but most of the girls he liked had their settings as looking for someone over 6 foot.

I used to say to him that his “men” friends were just aging faster and he’d be happy when he’s 50 and looks 40 and his friends looked 60! But there is a big societal pressure on males to be tall.

One thing that really bugs me is folk bragging about their tall sons. We’ve know a family and the mum and dad constantly refer to their DS as “DS is going to the cinema, he’s 6 foot 4” type thing. They bring it into every conversation as if he’s cured cancer. He’s unemployed, living at home, failed his uni course, no pals really but hey, he’s 6 foot 4!

But yeah, keep working on his self esteem, as I’m sure you are.

Some tall men seem to see it as an achievement too.

My BIL is about that height. He's doing fine—married with a child, has a good job, etc. I had a crush on a boy about that height, when we were both a bit older than that. His height didn't make him any less attractive. On the other hand, I also know a woman who is exceptionally tall and would probably have preferred to be a bit closer to average or even petite.

I understand the worry, especially with the trend for some people to obsess over height. (Not that height hasn't always been an issue for people, but it does feel like some people are trying to make it into a bigger thing these days.) But there's nothing you can do beyond what you're already doing, and ultimately his ability to know his own worth regardless of height and other physical traits is what's important.

One of my friends was 5ft 6 until he was 17 then grew to 6ft 2. My husband is 5ft 7, short but sinewy. Both are fine.

Do you have any evidence for this? DS hasn't grown upwards since he started training in the gym but when I googled it I couldn't find anything to suggest this was true.

Why does the height reference both you so much in the other family? Do you think they think less of your son as he is 5 10?

You clearly think don't have a positive feeling about the boy.

I wouldn't care either way. Height isn't a failure or a success- it just is what it is.

My 15 year old is 6ft and vegetarian. They don't need meat to grow, genetics and to some extent a good diet are more important.

If he’s still going through puberty then he’s likely to grow more. My ds was a late developer in that sense. Not a lot you can do really. Just wait and see.

I'm five feet 8. My chap is a shade shorter. He is as hot as hell!
I've been out with very tall men, and those closer to my height. All I can say is none of it matters.

He will be absolutely fine. Don't make a thing about it. Confidence is sexy.

Yeah I knew loads of boys who were 5'3 or less at about 15 and are over 6ft now.
I was my adult height at 14-15 but for boys it's extremely rare. It's more like 18 for many.

There's nothing wrong with not being tall anyway. I think most sensible women either don't care or just want the guy to be a bit taller than them. And there's plenty of short/average women about.

My dad was 5'7. He always joked that if a woman was taller he could just use a ladder. Or that height doesn't make a difference lying down! 😂

My cousin is 5'8 and has always been very popular with the opposite sex.

My ds still grew at Uni when he was 22. He would have been the same height as you son at 16, he is
5'9'' now. And also his whole apperance changed too. When did your son hit puberty?

My ds(22) didn't stop growing until he was 19-20ish. He has horizontal stretch marks across his back from his last growth spurt around 19. At 19 he was still only shaving light fuzz once a week or so.

At 6ft 3in he now towers above his 5ft 6in best friend.

His friend is lovely, confident, not unattractive, very smiley, a lot of fun and has not had any problems finding himself girlfriends.

Yes, it is the manosphere causing the worry about height and looks. It is more likely that boys who are into the manosphere are learning very damaging opinions which are based in fear-mongering rather than reality, which can make them sound very unhinged when they try to find a girlfriend. Girls run from the hypermasculine ideology rather than looks or height.

Plenty of women won’t date men under 6ft.

Coincidence doesn't equal causality