Just so fucked at what he’s just told me…

[Realjournal123]

Waiting in the departure lounge at Gatwick and my partner of 25 years whom I’ve seen so much evidence of cheating- told me about how one of his employees whilst he was out in Venezuela, picked up a girl and took her back to his hotel, had sex with her and whilst in the act, told the girl to say MY partners name over and over! He filmed her doing so of which I’m sure she would have consented, and it was all done sort of sick joke. My man told me this and thought it was hilarious. - I mean - what do I make of it? Of course I’m disgusted, why would the guy do this? They all know that we have had problems because of his infidelity and I feel they’re all having a laugh at my expense! I’m in a desperate bedroom tonight, very upset, sickened and dismayed at his lack of empathy.

Yep this was my first thought too

Sounds to me like someone has a video of him having sex with a woman (from his POV so he is not visable, hes shared it) and he is making this up to explain it away as not him...

Good luck to you OP - you wont leave, (my own mother is like you) - but i do hope your children learn from their nasty pig of a father and make sure they dont marry the same.

OK, so you need to start looking at getting your finances in order, you cant stay with this pig, and he'll likely leave you for someone younger if the chance arises. Are you working full time?

It's just another control thing to add a bit of humiliation to your everyday life. It's weird, yes, but people who cheat on partners for years tend to be a bit different to the rest of us. It comes with the territory of thinking of nothing but yourself and what pleasure you can get at the expense of other people.
If this is the trigger to leave, then great. Go for it.
If not, and why should it be considering what hasn't been, then don't give it a thought and put it where you put all his other crap behaviour in your mind.

So your children are all grown up?

Do you work, OP?

Is the house in both your names? (I know you will say no...)

I don't feel great about it but my Dc were on full maintenance loan because of my low income and I had separated - and there is no resentment from Dc to me over that.

I would start squirreling away an escape fund. Anyway you can. Sell stuff. Add £20 CashBack to the supermarket shop. Start doing online surveys. Walk a neighbours dog for cash.

Also OP, I think you could do with some support - you are being emotionally abused and I wonder if you can access any counselling?

Im sure it’s already been stated, but it’s obviously him recording it (and having sex) and that’s why hes made up this feeble story to try and cover his tracks as he is scared the video will get back to you somehow and he is trying to preempt that.
he is a loser, and a gross sleeze and you deserve so much better.

What a fucking disgusting pig he is.

I wouldn’t ask to see the video - it won’t help. You already know he’s cheated in the past regardless.

I feel for you, 25 years is a long time and sounds like he’s just worn you down.

It’s definitely him in the video and the story is bullshit. He’s a liar and a pig and he’s chipping away at you with his consistently vile behaviour. You deserve better than this.

I think you should start thinking about where your line in the sand is. You’ve said that one of the reasons you wouldn’t leave is because you didn’t have concrete proof of him cheating. So what exactly does he need to do, or what do you need to see, to accept they your partner is a liar and a cheat? Do you need him to admit it to you? Do you need to see it with your own eyes? What will it take to get you to the point where you say enough, you’re not taking his crap anymore? Because that point is coming. Whether you want it to or not, one day he’ll take his phone into the shower with him and that will be it for you. You’ll have hit your limit and you’ll be packing before he’s finished washing the shampoo out of his hair.

Nobody is going to respect you for staying with him. Nobody is going to be upset with you for leaving him. You’ve convinced yourself that you’re in a gilded cage, but you’re not. So I strongly suggest that you use this time to become financially independent so you can support yourself before he does the thing that finally convinces you he’s a dog and you can’t bear to be in the same room as him for a minute longer.

Ok. So you think he will cut off uni finding for children and you have no financial capacity to leave.
Time to start playing a long game then.
Start stashing cash away and any assets you can get hold of. Don't spend any of your money and over charge for anything he is paying for or make expenses up. When all children have left uni just leave. Move somewhere away from him. Keep contact with adult children. Don't even talk to him again.