Just so fucked at what he’s just told me…

[Realjournal123]

Waiting in the departure lounge at Gatwick and my partner of 25 years whom I’ve seen so much evidence of cheating- told me about how one of his employees whilst he was out in Venezuela, picked up a girl and took her back to his hotel, had sex with her and whilst in the act, told the girl to say MY partners name over and over! He filmed her doing so of which I’m sure she would have consented, and it was all done sort of sick joke. My man told me this and thought it was hilarious. - I mean - what do I make of it? Of course I’m disgusted, why would the guy do this? They all know that we have had problems because of his infidelity and I feel they’re all having a laugh at my expense! I’m in a desperate bedroom tonight, very upset, sickened and dismayed at his lack of empathy.

Do you have unprotected sex with him?

There you are then. It was him. Leave . That's enough now.

Your instincts are right he enjoys having a woman to humiliate who he knows won’t leave him.

Is it the finances keeping you there?

No. Strange question. OP is clearly very damaged by this awful situation and needs sympathy and support in my view. I find it incredible that I’d be jumped on for this.

It's a very reasonable question.

It definitely is not too late. It’s never too late.
If you wanted some advice on what steps you might need to do to leave, as understandably it is daunting, you could do a new post in ‘Relationships’ explaining your situation. And there are some very knowledgable posters on that board, who I’m sure would help.

You were 'jumped on' as you put it, for having a go at another poster who asked a perfectly normal question.

It doesn’t even matter if he’s cheating. You believe him to be the kind of man and partner to shit talk you behind your back. Life is much too short to be in a relationship with someone who thinks so little of you. It’s not too late to leave, it never is.

What an absolutely revolting workplace culture when an employee shares with his boss such a thing as a mutual ‘laugh’. I can only imagine what his employees think of their boss to know that this would be seen as a laugh. The worst kind of sleazy misogynist men.

And is it even true? If the employee isn’t in the video who knows if the person isn’t actually your H? And he has concocted this cover story?

OP, you sound utterly ground down by this. His telling everyone you are paranoid is horrible. You will lose all your self esteem at this rate. He will take away all your ability to rescue yourself.

Did you really forgive him in the past? Or basically suck it up because you didn’t have the capacity to leave?

He won’t change. He really won’t.

Do you have RL support ?

It’s v easy for us to say LTB - what do you see as the barriers making this hard for you?

Why do you need proof? You already know he's a cheat.

Like hell would his mate tell the woman to shout you're husbands name!

Please get away from this guy, he's no good.

How old are your children, OP?

Do you have your own income?

It really isn’t too late, it is never too late.

I think you'd be insane to believe this totally unbelievable story. He's obviously covering up for further infidelity!

I mean @Realjournal123 what help or advice do you really want here? You are never going to leave him are you, no matter what he does?

Get your DC and yourself out of there.

Okay, well, he's clearly disgusting, but you know that. If he's making you miserable, you do still have the choice to leave him. It might not be easy, but it's possible. Just because you've put up with it until now doesn't mean you have to continue to put up with it.

This.

he is a pig. You know he’s cheated. This scenario he has, at best, some seriously weird work boundaries or, at worst, is covering up this own infidelity.

That said, if you are resigned to stay with him, what is the point in getting worked up over this? I mean I would never stay, no matter how combined the family was or wasn’t, but if you are set to do so how is this any worse than him repeatedly cheating on you?

I don't know what seeing the video will achieve. If you're definitely not going to leave him, then at least ask him what he was aiming to achieve by telling you this horrible story.

It's like he's taunting you - I can do whatever I want and you won't leave. I'm afraid that as long as you put up with his behaviour, he isn't going to change so I'm not sure what your future looks like if you stay. Miserable at the least.

I would just leave and go home

You dont need concrete evidence of someone cheating, ever. Being unhappy is enough reason to leave

He's cheated on you many times, I think that's obvious and I think you know it deep down, so whats keeping you with him? Is it practical reasons or "because I love him", in which case, you need to learn to be ok with him cheating on you, because it won't stop.

No I dont have the financial capacity to leave him and because we aren’t married then I’ll have a problem. Both of our daughters are in uni and he may cut them off also. He comes back for a trip and barely talks. Does all his phone calls in our living room when it’s business but disappears with other calls. He has zero respect. I KNOW all of this. He talks plenty when there’s others around. All of his kids know he’s unfaithful/ dishonest. Even in the duty free yesterday is was urging me to step ahead of him so he could ogle one of the sales girls. It’s sick. Try to lead my own life but whilst I look confident inside I’m not. It’s a lonely place being me.

Obviously you need to leave him.

This is really odd. There is some footage of a woman having sex during which she is saying your partners name.
Are you sure it wasn’t your partner having sex with her and filming it and he’s getting his ducks in a row because he thinks that somehow you’re going to be sent the footage?

What a pig…

Really not sure what you want people to say, OP. You know the relationship has been a humiliating shit show for 25 years and you know it will continue to be like that. If you refuse to leave him, nobody here can change any of that.

I do feel sorry for you op. 25years grinds you down. He sounds like a pig. Trust me people around him know what a pig he is and probably are not sure how to approach you, rather than them thinking you are the problem. Don’t worry about your dds, they are adults they need to make and fund their own way. Focus on getting out.