Just so fucked at what he’s just told me…

[Realjournal123]

Waiting in the departure lounge at Gatwick and my partner of 25 years whom I’ve seen so much evidence of cheating- told me about how one of his employees whilst he was out in Venezuela, picked up a girl and took her back to his hotel, had sex with her and whilst in the act, told the girl to say MY partners name over and over! He filmed her doing so of which I’m sure she would have consented, and it was all done sort of sick joke. My man told me this and thought it was hilarious. - I mean - what do I make of it? Of course I’m disgusted, why would the guy do this? They all know that we have had problems because of his infidelity and I feel they’re all having a laugh at my expense! I’m in a desperate bedroom tonight, very upset, sickened and dismayed at his lack of empathy.

It sounds like he put you in a terrible position and I’m so sorry. It also sounds like he needs some serious counselling. I’d stay in the separate bedroom until he gets what he’s done to do.

My first thought is that there's a film out there of him having sex with a woman who's saying his name and its in danger of finding its way to you. Because this is such a random and unlikely thing to have happened. I think you need to think about whether the benefits of this relationship outweighs the fact he's a cheat.

Where the judgement??

Why would he tell you this unless he’s cooking up a story to cover himself? The fact that
he keeps his phone under guard says all you need to know.
Your poor children having such a poor male role model. Open your eyes, get rid and do yourself and your children a favour.

I voted YABU, because if you think he’s cheated on you ‘so much’ over the past 25 years then anything has got to be better than this current sorry situation.
What is his friend doing? I hope to god that poor woman did consent to being filmed. But did she consent to it being shared?
It is definitely worth thinking about your future, and whether you’d be happier on your own. (I know I would)

He is cheating again. And you know he is.

Yep sorry the video is of him and he’s made up this story in case you ever see it

Isn't it likely, as others have said that it's actually him in the video shaghing someone else? He's a prince among men isn't he? It's hard to leave someone you have been with for ages, it's hard when you have kids and it's hard when they have ground you down so much that him being a serial adulterer seems kinda ok. However him having a good laugh about a video of, probably, him shagging someone else, just before you go on holiday is just a bit too much isn't it? So, have a quick Google of local divorce solicitors and make an appointment for when you are home. Then whose having the last laugh?

Believe it or not but we aren’t married. He won’t commit. I know I’ve just allowed the pig to rule my life and he has zero respect for me.I know before you all jump on me I’ve been an idiot. I know this. But it’s all too late now. I’ve had years of problems with him as he’s he’s definitely ground me down. Yet he tells everyone I’m paranoid and a difficult person. When they meet me for the first time they’re very cautious with me. I can see it. I can feel it. All they’ve had is his side.

Be real OP. There’s a video of him in bed with someone else - and yes, he’s filmed it and yes, it’s got potential to get to you somehow.

hence his story

Absolutely vile. To do this or to find any amusement in it. I couldn’t spend five minutes with a man who thought this was OK.

That is actually such a bad lie it's funny.

It’s not too late to walk away from him though.

Think it through carefully and then plan well.

Are you the cheating partner?

@Realjournal123 he told you because he knows you’ll accept anything. He can do as he pleases as you won’t leave him.

Time to prove him wrong.

It's definitely not too late! This guy brings misery to your life not happiness.

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life feeling like this?

This sounds as if he knows there's a video, is worried you might see it and has come up with this bullshit "joke" story to explain it. Given you've evidence of him cheating isn't it much more likely that either he filmed her and himself having sex and his mates found the video or they set her up as a honey trap and filmed it, for reasons known only to him/them and he's now shitting a brick that one of them maybe sends it to you? The world is full of billions of people OP. You've nothing to lose by starting over again. Including ditching all the people he's told lies about you to.

In the morning I’m going to ask him to see it. He said he deleted it but I’ll get the ‘mate’ to send it again.

Why bother? Save your time and energy and get rid of him

Is this your first day here? Or on the internet?

People ask questions they want to know the answer to, and they hold each other accountable, in this case by asking why she would be with him if she knows he cheats…

You’re sick of the video but accept his cheating? He sounds like quite a catch.. said no one. Do yourself a favour.. pick up your dignity and have standards and get rid of him. He’s crass and vile.

So he has shown you all the red flags under the sun and these mean nothing to you?

Why on earth are you putting your child/ren through this?

Disgusting behaviour you know what you need to do.

Oh for goodness sake there are no circumstances when staying with a cheat is worth it, of course people are going to judge!

You and your children deserve far better, time to call it a day.