To expect a little more from my 6 yr old when I’m ill?

[Brightbluestone]

I’m a single mum with an almost 6 yr old and a 2 yr old. I’ve got the most horrendous flu-like cold and have been off work in bed for the last 2 days. We don’t have much family support nearby but I’ve managed to get my mum who lives an hour away to come and pick up the 2 yr old and have him for a couple of days (she couldn’t stay here cos of her animals at home). I’ve been managing to get 6 yr old dd to and from school and fixing her dinner and breakfast etc but the rest of the time I’ve been in bed. I’ve said I’m sorry I can’t be a better mummy for these few days and explained that I’m ill and it would be really helpful if she could help me out a bit by not arguing when I ask her to do something and being quieter than usual cos I’ve got an awful headache. That’s literally all I expect from her but it just seems like she does not give a shit! I’ve been letting her have way more screen time and snacks to try and make up for the fact I can’t give her as much attention but she’s completely ungrateful about that too. I know she’s only 6 and probably hasn’t developed empathy yet and can’t understand what being ill like this is really like or how it feels, but by her age I’d expect a little bit more understanding and effort to not make things harder for me. She’s refusing to do anything I ask, screaming when I’ve told her how much it hurts my head..and actually screaming louder when I tell her it hurts my head. Not coming upstairs for bed when I ask, forcing me to go downstairs and get her even though she knows how difficult it is for me to get out of bed. Even my 2 yr old came and gave me a hug and one of his teddies to cuddle the other day when I was in bed. The emotional side of me is feeling hurt, angry and resentful but the logical side is saying I’m expecting way too much from her and she’s still little and needs me and maybe feels angry that I haven’t been able to do much with her. She has been lying next to me in bed watching tv though, but I guess it’s frustrating and maybe even a bit worrying to have a sick parent (mind you she doesn’t seem in the slightest bit worried!) so AIBU or should I be expecting a bit more from her at 6?

You are expecting too much. She is 5 and only little. She is also at school for a lot of hours so you are getting a good break.

Being ill and parenting sucks, but it is just what you have to do. Get well soon.

I'm afraid you're being unreasonable. If this is her normal behaviour, then she's not going to be able to suddenly change it because you're unwell.

It is so hard to be ill and still be responsible for small children. I hope you're feeling better soon!

Six is tiny
YABU

She doesn’t know it’s painful for you
she can’t be empathetic to that degree
she’s a small child
it’s shitty being poorly with young kids so sympathies

Its not nice being ill but that doesnt change the fact your child is 6.

Its not the fault of your 6yr old that you're ill, or that you're a single parent, or that you have no village.

They are 6. Not 16, not 26. Just 6. They are not going to understand headaches and illness, they just want routine. care and stimulation, which you arent providing so they are bored, and acting out.

You either need to get medicated so you dont feel as ill, or get some childcare or suck it up and get on with it.

Getting angry and annoyed will do none of you any good.

Yeah annoying but I think you are expecting too much.

At that age my kids could show empathy if it was planned, like mothers' day. Unscheduled empathy, no way!

She's probably finding it a bit disconcerting usual rules being off which might explain increase in bratty behaviour.

Take some nurofen plus - the codeine helps you feel a bit more chill :-)

I'm sorry you're feeling so unwell - but I think you know that you are being unreasonable!

Your girl is six years old, no mention of a dad in the picture - she is obviously feeling very insecure with a sick mum

I hope you get better soon

Hahaha nice try.
A 16 year old possibly if you're lucky.
A 6 year old? As if.
I'm sorry OP, flu is grim, but your DD isn't going to help.

I presumed you had meant to write 16 year old here.
but the child is only 6 ! Yabu. Get yourself on some flu max plus medications and sleep when whey are in school.
being ill yourself and parenting is grim I agree.

YABU to 'expect' things from a 6 year old. She is 6. A very small child.

It's rubbish being ill when you have to look after kids, but she is not mature enough to behave the way you are expecting her to, because she is 6.

Not even 6, only 5. I'd expect reasonable behaviour for that age, but that's about it. You're able to rest all day, I'd be sucking it up as best as possible for the few hours of the day she is there and not in bed. Duvets on the sofa with snacks etc?

The child is 5, she is not yet 6.
Are there any friends she could have play dates with after school at their homes to keep her entertained? And dont underestimate how scary this may be for her.

Oh gosh poor mite she's so tiny.

Cut her some slack!

She might well be coming down with something as well so have even less capacity.

Sorry, it is really hard when you are ill and in sole charge. IME around 8 or so you might be able to ask them to take on some helpful tasks if they are in the right mood.

To be honest, when my 5 (nearly six) year old DD has lots of screen time and snacks on command, if I've got some work etc that I need to get on with, then she tends to turn into a screaming banshee after, she is an absolute delight when I'm a present parent, but unfortunately needs must sometimes.

Basically it is not her fault, and it's not your fault either, you're both just doing what you can to get through it, and in fairness asking a 5 year old to basically sort themselves out unsupervised for hours on end is a huge ask, she's doing fine.

Hope you feel better soon.

Yes you’re totally unreasonable! She’s 6! That’s so small. It can actually be scary for a child when their parent is ill and not as reliable/available as normal, that’s probably part of the reason, alongside the disrupted routine and extra screen time, why she’s acting out.

I’m sorry OP that sounds tough, hope you feel better soon.

Does your DD get on well with her grandma? Is she possibly feeling upset/confused that your 2 YO is getting a visit to granny and she isn’t?

Massively unreasonable
That poor little girl is so young, way too young to naturally assume the demands you want of her. She must be feeling disjointed having her little sister shipped off and Mum there but not there.

She's five...
Why the fuck should she be grateful for screen and snacks?!
Children are sensitive to change, so of course her primary care giver being ill and her younger sibling not being there will affect her behaviour.
I'm sorry you're feeling so unwell, but you're expecting WAY too much. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Yabu and holding a very young child to standards she just doesn't understand like an older child or adult would. Hope you feel better soon.

Make it a game. I was quite seriously ill for several months and we would play a game where they were the grown up, they’d have to “read” me a story to get me to sleep and then keep quiet so I didn’t wake up. Lots of extra cuddles on the sofa. Extra screen time and junk food is a false economy, short term gain, long term pain.

How do you expect a 5 year old to act when she's left to entertain herself for hours/days? She's bored.

She's 5!
And you seem to be complaining to her how ill you are. She's probably terrified that you'rereally ill and she's going to lose you.
And no, a 5 yo is not going to be sympathetic because you have a headache.

YABU. She's not even 6 yet. She's probably really disturbed by the fact that you are not your usual self and that her little brother has disappeared off with Grandma.

You are encouraging parentification. Don't.