I’m just relentlessly tired. I feel like I do the right stuff and can never get ahead, it’s constant grinding worries.
single mum to three kids, work full time, one child has some disabilities. Work full time, on an okayish salary but still get some universal credit. money is just permanently on a knife edge, I can never relax. The gov took away the vouchers they used to give out for kids on FSM in the holidays, or the car needs tyres or the school stop allowing the kids PP to subsidise school trips. Every month it’s like something else.
my ex is a relentless prick who pays next to nothing in CMS but seems to think he’s gods gift to the earth for paying something. My eldest won’t even be in a car with him, meaning I get zero time on my own ever. He will have the younger two sometimes. He does no parenting, if my disabled child has an appointment (which there are a lot of) he says he can’t take her because he’s working - as if the only plan of mine it interrupts is lying on the couch… I’m knackered. Juggling work / kids / constantly behind and there is nothing left for me in either time or money.
I live in permanent fear that something will happen to me, that I’ll die or be put in jail or become disabled and be unable to look after them or work. I’ve been having panic attacks at night about it, though sleeping with a sitcom on has been helping a bit. I’ve started taking anti depressants and I take vitamins.
I’m just exhausted. I’d like life to be easier and to feel less weighed down. On the flip side, objectively things are not terrible. We have a nice home, I’m not in debt, the kids do some extra curriculars and are happy ish and my job has the potential for salary increases. Why do things feel so hard? Sometimes I feel like I just can’t go on.