To ask if we're the only ones who don't make Xmas plans months in advance

[BelleHathNoFury]

The AIBU threads started in August (maybe earlier) with people angsting about spending Xmas with MIL or Uncle Bill, travelling here and there, how to make Christmas "magical."

Are we the only family who doesn't make Xmas plans months in advance? We live a couple hours drive - in different directions - but sort it out nearer the time. And with little drama.

Well if you do the same thing every year there’s not much need to plan. But some people are in different places each year, have different work patterns, kids to accommodate at different times of the day, and lots of moving parts which involve putting in for time off, booking travel, etc.

But then I’m the kind of person who has my Christmas shopping and planning totally done by end of November so December is all about the fun! It’s such a busy month that whatever I can do to get ahead I will do.

Aren’t you special!

We don't make Christmas plans at all, we go food shopping the week before and that's it. It's just the two of us and my husband usually works.

The only planning involved is what we have for dinner as we don't do "traditional" Christmas spread. And that happens a couple of weeks before the event.

Knowing in advance what you are going to do is the very definition of a plan 🙄

We alternate between my side and in-laws and take turns among the siblings in a rota on each side so I can tell you plans from now until my children leave home doesn't take much planning though as established routine now.

Same 😂

We organise pretty early because there are a lot of moving parts - for example one SIL lives hours away and is coming down but only for a few days. DH will want to see his df and both his sisters but the sisters also want to fit in their ILs who live away.
My parents have split and we avoid having them together, plus I have a sister and I want to see all 3, plus my sister need to consider her ILs.

Also, this Christmas dinner was essentially planned on Boxing Day last year because we’d done a few years in a row with ILs and I was annoyed so mentioned wanting to stay home this year and invite one of my family and DM jumped at the chance to be hosted. Now that was a record for early planning, even for me!

I am preparing for my Netflix special actually.

We are early planners! Need to pre-order the goose.

Plus we do family visits the other end of the country so it means booking accommodation etc, and then making plans with 3 sets of parents, grandparents, siblings, old friends etc whilst we are visiting for the festive period etc.

Some people are nice to each other all year round and give each other presents at Christmas.
I don't enjoy the Christmas period at all but others, like my kids and their families, do. I'm not going to spoil it for them by making it clear I'm only there under suffrage. I see that as a present to them.

Same here. Close the door Christmas Eve, resurface Boxing afternoon for a walk. That's Christmas done for another year. So much angst for one day that goes past in a blur.

My family start talking about Christmas plans in October maybe early Nov. In laws - if its not yet 22nd Dec it's too soon. Last year we set off for seeing my family on Christmas Eve not knowing if/when we would see in laws! It makes it hard because my family always get in there quickly and I have to try to manage them so that we share Christmases between both sides of the family, but in laws don't like to plan or talk about it!

I try to do as little as possible. It’s only DS12 and me. I bought him a nice present which arrived yesterday. He saw the parcel and asked if he could open it. I said that he could either have it now, or in December. He chose now. I don’t see the point in making him wait 2 months when he could be using it now. It’s just another fucking day!

We’re hoping to move house next month so Christmas will be whatever it’ll be. If we’ve got decorations up and a decent roast we’ll be very happy 😊

I make these plans:

Try and ignore the increasing feeling of brain being a pressure cooker all through Dec.
Decline all invitations.
Book train to aged parents for late 23rd arrival.
Buy food on 24th
Cook food and give presents on 25th. Sleep.
Get coach home on 26th.

Exhale.

Well yes i spend my Christmas and New Year with my son. And we are pretty nice to each other all year. We don't do " traditional" in any way but we do give each other small presents . We spend our time together amicably together.. But we don't buy into the type of Christmas that is peddled as the norm which puts so much pressure and expectation on people.
When i was younger I always used to invite someone who I knew would be by themselves at Christmas to share time and hospitality either on Christmas day or boxing day. It can be an extremely lonely time for many many people . A time of exclusion and exacerbated loneliness.

If Halloween hasn't happened we don't talk about Christmas. Generally Christmas plans consist of "Lunch is at 1pm" that's it.

I agree. In our case neither of us have parents any more, and our siblings have Christmas with their own adult DC, so it is always just us and DD.

So, no plans need to be made.

It is annoying how everyone talks about it so early

I understand needing to plan and book trains of course

But the amount of food planning and decoration planning that some people do it would take all the fun out of it I think. Also, it’s nice to start thinking about it later. It’s been beautiful weather really only just turned today. So to me, it’s ridiculous. Think about the middle of winter in sunny weather. No thanks!

Last year, my closest friend got quite cross because a lot of the family didn’t want to eat her desserts that she made. She made far too many and she literally couldn’t even get rid of it. She barely touches sugar so she was done with it after Christmas Day as well.

she got quite upset because she ended up putting one of them in the bin which isn’t ideal, but I don’t understand why she made so many in the first place.

Oh, I have just thought to look up the local carol service because we actually missed it last year

Once again, it is in the first week of December and I don’t really understand why. Last year we were just thinking it would be nice to go to one, had a look and realised we had missed all of them! All the main ones at local churches…. maybe that was on the ninth or the 10th of December that I looked them up and realised we’d missed them all.

It used to be complicated, DCs worked shifts, one nursing other newsroom admin BBC and a 100 mile journey.
No shifts now, spinster DD will come to us, DS will prioritise his inlaws. Partly health reasons and there are young children.

We decide who is where in april so we can nab cheap plane tickets if anyone is flying in or us out...

yes, it totally depends on dynamics. Growing up, there was no extended family. Christmas was always at home. Core family plus close family friends then,
at various intervals in the months prior, my mother would inevitably invite random other people who she discovered had nowhere to go. Very easy.

Now, with multiple siblings, different countries, in laws, limited space etc, it's a much more complex dance to sort out. DH and I just spent 20 minutes discussing it as I'm feeling quite stressed about something that is looking like it might happen with the in laws and I don't want my christmas ruined. So we're thinking about how to mitigate that.

We don't. There's nothing more tedious than having to discuss Christmas 3+ months out. It's one day of the year, and planning it down to the minute like some complex military operation is only going to make it less enjoyable rather than more. It really needn't be so stressful or complicated.