To be a bit annoyed with my friend? Money related

[TacticalNameChanging]

I have a very good friend of many years.

Our lives have taken different paths. In short I’m married, comfortable (but not rich), 2 kids, nice home, both husband and I have good stable employment.

Friend also has 2 kids but had to leave her abusive ex 6 years ago. She stopped working when their first baby was born and never married him, she left penniless and now lives in a small flat subsidised by UC. She works very hard but NMW.

I’ve always tried to help. Leant her £500 to help buy furniture for her flat (she paid this back slowly), picked up the tab if we went out for a meal, tried to be generous on birthdays and Christmases. That sort of thing.

We have arranged with 2 mutual friends to go away in a few weeks, and I said I would cover her accommodation costs (not a huge amount, I said to consider it an early Xmas present). I then booked the activity and asked her to transfer me for her share, which somehow felt awkward and she didn’t respond to it for a few days.

However today I feel like the scales are falling from my eyes a bit. We were pottering around the shops and she bought a £90 coat. We don’t shop much together so just assumed she would be too skint for something like that. She’s also posted a lot of videos lately on nights out with other friends, doing things that don’t look cheap (boat party events, the races, that kind of thing).

AIBU to now stop being ‘financially helpful’ and just revert to ordinary friend where we all pay for ourselves? Am I being a mug.

Loads of places. I’ve just got a new winter coat from go outdoors, cost under £20. Will keep me warm in the garden or on a walk.

And OP no no longer help this friend. I have had very similar happen to me over the years.

I helped a close friend out many many many times as she was going through a rough patch (who had more money coming in than me) and it just got crazy. I was expected to pay for everything always.

And the silly thing that niggles always was said friend was passing on bits to one of her siblings for a car boot sale. There was something in the pile of things to go that I actually needed not in my style but I did need it, think kitchen utensil. So I casually said something and friend say yes you do need one of those. So I assumed friend would say here you go have it obviously after everything I’ve done for years. Instead friend charged me for the item, I was so uncomfortable I just paid, whilst telling me it was something she had got for free even. Mind blown!