Updating house

[TinselTeaCakes]

Hi,

Prepared to be told i am unreasonable.

Bought a house with DH 3 years ago.

When we bought it we agreed we would update the kitchen amongst other things as it was very old.

After much back and forth, we agreed to DIY it as DH insisted he could ‘do it all’.

We decided a look that we both liked and agreed on, and i sent him the links to everything to buy and install as he was doing the measurements etc.

In the end, he only painted the kitchen cabinets and handles, and got us a new sink/tap. It looks awful half done and I hate it everytime I see it.

The main things I wanted was new flooring and a new worktop, which he knows, but he kept saying he had no time and its such a large job.

We had a baby and it was forgotton about for a while, now i’m pregnant with baby #2 and im putting my foot down about the kitchen.

i’m a homebody, i love a nice kitchen and nicely styled house. It makes me feel good and I spend alot of time in the kitchen. We host alot.

Anyway, I spent ages finding some flooring, and mocking up photos to show him with all the final touches, ordered samples etc.

He agreed. He came to order it today he started saying it would look stupid and awful etc etc, and theres no point updating it if we will move in the future.

I’m really embarrassed but i really lost it with him. I’m not asking for a designer kitchen, or even a £10k kitchen, i’m asking for £400 max worth of updates to our home.

He is on a 3 figure salary, and we have enough savings. He is on garden leave for 3 months until his new job starts, so he has plenty of time.

Most of the house deposit came from me, and I have earnt the bulk of our savings. I feel like i should be able to spend a very small amount to update our home.

He is driving me insane agreeing to things (this is a repeated pattern with other areas of our house, all half done) and then at the last minute pulling out all the stops to not do something.

Is anyone elses DH like this?

Why don't you just do it. I had something similar with the bathroom, looked round lots of shops and showrooms with H, Then I thought, just do it. Found out when the plumber was free first, Husband said we don't have time to get ready in three weeks,

Well, i did, We had been looking around long enough, Went to excellent showroom and told them not to let me go home till I had bought everything including taps, mirror, all the way down to waste. Lovely showroom guy stayed a little late and gave me a 10% discount!

And yes, all done within the week three weeks later,

Just organise it yourself and use savings to pay someone else to do it - you'll be waiting on him forever.

Just pay someone to do it. He doesn’t want to do it and you have money. It’s not worth fighting over

Dearest dh

either you get it done or I will get someone to do it

My DH is really good at DIY and both of us have done masses to our house between us. Unfortunately, ill health prevents me from doing so much hands on but I can encourage and do a lot of planning and organising from bed!!
There are certain jobs he says he'll get on to and doesn't, so I book someone to come and do it. They'll be an argument but I can't stand living in a building site!! Had too many years of it!
Personally, I'd just get it organised and sorted!

Agree with others hes not doing it so call someone to do it for you

I used to have a H like that and EVERYTHING was a battle. I had to psych myself up every time for the discussion, for work that needed to be done. it’s draining and unfair. What right does he have to veto upgrades and updates when they’re clearly needed (and he’s done a bad job of it). ? He’s earning good money too.

He’s also de-valuing the house by not keeping it uptodate.

From my experience, I ended up with a huge backlog of basic replacement and maintenance jobs - e.g. boiler replacement, carpets, decoration, roof repairs, etc that should have been done years ago. I’m doing these before selling because buyers will knock down the price accordingly on the basis of cost of works that need to be done (and likely inflate the cost of what they should be)

Thank you for the replies.

I agree, it is literally so draining, every single time he gets my hopes up by agreeing, then when it comes down to it theres always an excuse or he has ‘changed his mind and it will look stupid and awful’.

I ordered the flooring. Going to order some paint and lights shortly. Will figure out the worktops this week.

I don’t understand why he is so against living in a well cared for and nicely styled home. The flooring (roll vinyl) is 20 years old and stained all over!! It just feels so ridiculous.

I have similar (different details, but a similar argument of DH wanting to do something himself and then not).

I just say X will be happening on a particular date in the future. I’ll cancel the professional if he does it instead.

He never does….