So torn over nurseries, please help!

[caprisunhavefun]

AIBU to be overthinking this SO much.
My child is almost 3 and I’ve recently pulled him from the pre-school attached to our local school because I wasn’t happy with the care. He was only there a short time, but it’s left me feeling really paranoid about choosing the wrong setting again 😭
Nursery 1: We viewed this last year and immediately ruled it out as it felt more like a playgroup. Since leaving his current setting, though, I’ve realised I don’t really care about structure! I just want kind, caring staff.
We went back for another look recently and I liked it. It’s small, flexible and very family orientated, with lots of parental involvement. It’s extremely well recommended, particularly for being nurturing. I think I’m probably putting quite a lot of weight on this. The staff seemed nice, although they didn’t really engage with us beyond saying hello. The setting itself is fine, and they take the children for walks and to local parks. Ofsted rated good. Around 10 min drive.

Nursery 2: Ofsted Outstanding. We absolutely loved this when we viewed it. Everything felt really intentional and lovely, and all the staff engaged with my son. One lady came over, asked if he wanted to play and he happily went off with her. The setting is beautiful and the garden is brilliant. They do walks, regular forest school and trips out on a minibus which is something that is making me hesitant to chose this one. I’ve said I’m not comfortable with him going on the minibus, but now I’m wondering if it’s unfair to send him somewhere where he can’t take part in that with his peers? It’s only 10 at a time that go on the minibus but I hate the thought of him seeing his friends going and not him.
It’s also a much bigger setting, with children from 18 months through to school age in the pre-school room. It’s part of a small chain (all ofsted outstanding) which for some reason makes me slightly wary. It’s also less flexible than the other nursery, probably stricter on pick up times and things like that. Whereas the other seems very accommodating an flexible. Just under 15 min drive.
We have actually paid a reg fee for one of the places but i’m unsure if i’ve made the wrong or right decision.
I feel like I’m massively overthinking this after our previous experience and would really appreciate some outside opinions! TIA x

I'd choose the second nursery. I think the staff engaging with your son and him responding is a good sign and sounds like lovely facilities. What's the issue with the minibus?

With the minibus, I have chose not to give permission for outings on the minibus as he isn’t even 3 yet and there are no car seats so I don’t feel comfortable with it. But I am worried he might feel he’s missing out or I wonder if it’s unfair to send him there but not allow trips on minibus. Only 10 at a time go on the minibus (generally the older ones).

What was the problem with your previous nursery?

I'll be honest, by reading your OP you seem very concerned and worried about a lot of things... I think you'll find it difficult to put your child in any setting as none will be meeting all of your criteria.

I'd got for 2 for my own child.

[Edit: I don't think a 3 yo will notice some kids doing different activities like the minibus trip. At least for my children, they only started commenting on this from about 4.5+]

I’d definitely go for the second option. It sounds great! Neither of the things you are worried about (chain, minibus) would bother me. I have a 3yo so it’s not totally abstract.

If the staff at nursery 1 didn't engage with your son, that's a big red flag.
It's many years ago now but I sent my son to a couple of settling in days at a nursery friends recommended based on their experience of their kids. I had my concerns the first day. The second day I hated it, I didn't like the way they interacted with kids at all. I went out side for a bit and my son was beside himself. He didn't stop crying the whole time. The head of the room blamed me for that whereas I could see he just didn't feel welcome.

So I went elsewhere. When I went to look round one of the staff came and engaged my son and whisked him off to play and involved him with the other kids while I met with the manager. My son never shed a single tear during his time there. I left him on his first day and he didn't give me a backwards glance.

What I'm saying is how the staff interact with the kids is the most important thing, after safety of course.

Re the minibus, it does concern me that they might not be safe on the bus if no car seats. Why don't you research the law about car seats for 3 year olds mini buses and ask the nursery to explain their safeguarding policy around that?

My children went to one with just one classroom of 20/30 children, all over 2. Compared to big nurseries of multiple classrooms it felt much more relaxed and nurturing. At that age I’d go for nurturing and consistancy so maybe number 1

Thankyou! Won’t get into it too much but there were some safeguarding concerns at the previous setting. I think you are absolutely right I have too many concerns and my brain is going wild, I truly just don’t want to chose the wrong setting AGAIN.