My mum has recently separated from her long term partner (they’ve been together 20+ years). She texted me the other day asking what time she should come to our house for Christmas.
My parents divorced when I was young and so Christmas has always been split as Christmas Day with Dad and Boxing Day with Mum. This is what we do every single year and it’s what I base my plans on etc.
So I replied and said “did you mean Boxing Day?” I absolutely don’t mind hosting her at our house on Boxing Day (we would previously go to hers to see her and her husband) and doing all the cooking etc. This is already a big thing as I know she will expect everything just right and will be unhappy if it’s not!
She confirmed she actually meant Christmas Day and said “you know I’d be on my own otherwise so I assumed you'd have realised I’d be coming to you for the whole of Christmas”
So long story short, it’s not even that she wants to switch the days around (I.e. see her Xmas and dad Boxing Day) but she said she expected me to forgo seeing my dad on the basis it’s not fair she’ll be on her own. This would mean I’d miss seeing half of my family at Christmas at all.
I already wouldn’t want to swap the days around as this is what we always do and my dad has been planning accordingly too, but I especially don’t want to not see him at all!
This all ended in a big blow out argument where she said I’m a horrible daughter who doesn’t care at all about her and that I’d prefer if she died!! This obviously isn’t true at all and feels highly manipulative.
AIBU to not want to change all of my Xmas plans to accommodate my mum?