Partners family HATE me and its a long story.

[13MAPARTHELL]

They hate me, they didnt for the first few years, his stepmum is insanely difficult and controlling, likes things a certain way, if you disagree with an opinion its personal, if you ask a favour, its overstepping.

she banned me from the house 5 years ago because i thought we were close, asked for a favour and she was trying to control me on my birthday (NYE) by saying we werent welcome to her party, unless we had dinner and went home at a set time as she did not want to feel used? Weird i know. We said we wanted to go but have dinner together first, she went mad and I snapped back making a comment about constant strict boundaries around my partner seeing his mum in their family home (lesbian mum and stepmum) she in response, banned me from ever being in the home again.

his mum after, explained shes just odd & that she does not agree with her partner.

fast forward a week, they are asking to take the kids out, i said no because i did mot want to normalise the situation and wish to sort this issue out, they called me a shit mum.

sent lots of messages apologising etc as my partner was upset, all ignored, even during his bout of severe depression, tried to inform them, ignored repeatedly.

they made a comment when kids were babies stating they wont help till they are older, now 6 years later, they appear and i think oh fuck it fine they then see my kids and my partner, without me.

partner and me going through very very bad patch, hes left and is staying with them (kick in the teeth) & they had my kids when he was maant to and he didnt tell me, i text his mum asking to call so i can speal to my kids, she did & was extremely rude on the phone

i text her saying, actually you and your family including your son have put me through a lot & id really like some respect if yojr going to be caring for my children more

her reply ‘you are manipulative, you always have been and we have always put your kids first’

i feel like telling them all just to fuck off

His entire family from mother to step mother and others have cut you out of their lives?

hes mother & step mother are one unit, his mum is with a woman

You need to read the OP again. She actually explained it.

Hard to gauge without knowing more facts. What was the favour you asked and why is your relationship breaking down now? It’s more than a rough patch if your partner has moved out. I take it you are not married.

i asked to use the washing machine twice as ours broke & apparently that was out of line, so much so she brought us a new one at random

hes avoidant

so yeah

Why are you focussing on this rather than fact your relationship with your partner is circling the drain?

Op if you want advice, actually useful advice, why not just tell us the truth. There will be more to this. It won’t be all them evil evil evil. You will have played a part. Own it

I think its a massive part of the issue, its even harder that i do not have my own family reallly, only my mum who doesn’t live near me

hes to avoidant to ever say anything, hates conflict etc honestly the relationship got bad since it all happened really, created some distance and of course alot of hurt for me, having to be the bigger person and watch my kids do family stuff with them and me sit at home alone

No i literally am

its mental, i know.

oh another reason because she thinks i sat on her side of the sofa and gave her a dirty look, im not making this up i swear. Shes known for being extremely difficult, even last week he stayed one night here as he fell asleep with our 4 year old, she threatened to kick him out and said it cant happen again if he is staying there, my child has autism.

he is 34

She sounds psycho and if he's staying with her your relationship will be well and truly over.

Yeah i think you are probably right, shes better now apparently shes on medication he told me, the person who said i was manipulative was his actual mum! I didnt ask for her opinion just respect, and thats what i get when her som just walked out on his autistic children ffs am i in a parralel universe

you and your family including your son have put me through a lot & id really like some respect if yojr going to be caring for my children more

Saying this is absolutely batshit. You cant demand respect. You are also fuelling this as well as being in receipt...

What did you expect as an outcome from that statement? Seriously? "of course, we've all been shit, let's roll out the red carpet" - absolutely not, that kind of statement is only going to result in further fuelling.

You can specify a boundary; what you will not accept, but you cant specify what someone else must do.

You can say "i wont interact with you any further if you are disrespectful (in my own home), i will interact with you when you are calm and respectful" and stop engaging. Walk away, end the conversation, stop participating.

You can't say "you must respect me if you want to see my kids" - manipulative, using the kids as an emotional lever.

Yes I agree

the entire family from top to bottom sounds awful. It’s just a tragedy there’s children involved

If he has your kids unsupervised by a court or by you, then you can’t stop him deciding who to leave them with. He’s perfectly within his rights to leave them with his mum and step mum, unless you’ve got concerns about abuse from them?

if they hate you, why are you asking them to use their washing machine? Can’t you just take the washing to a revolution place?

it all sounds a real mess to be honest.

You haven’t read anything properly

Because it is the garbled mess of a rotten family with lots of adults who never learned how to basically behave remotely like an adult.

OP, if your partner doesn't have your back, this will never be resolved. Why would you live like that?

Separate permanently, provide your dcs with a calm sane loving home, communicate only with your ex, block all his mad relatives' numbers and move on with your life.

Ignore any input from his mother/step mother. Don't rise.

this would be the case if she had not been extremely rude to me on the phone prior to my message, while my child is sat with her, he has autism and i was not demanding respect i was asking for it

gawd the poor kids that are subjected to this

How have I not? She’s doesn’t have to give you respect. You’re split up. Why are you even ringing her demanding to speak to the kids? Ring him. Or better yet, text him. Unless someone has died or similar emergency.

you shouldn’t have asked someone that hates you (as per your title) to use their washing machine.

Thread after thread after thread about the poisonous relationship between you and your partner. Depressing

What relevance is your child having autism to her being rude to you? I don’t understand that?

Yes i know, i ASKED for respect because of the way she was shouting at me on the phone when my child was with her, im allowed to ask to speak to my child. Maybe i dont have a right to know where my children are, but my child has autism and so i do need to know thats a boundary i made clear with dad who accepted this. & as a result, my child then thinks he lives with his nan as he stayed there for 3 nights and she did all the parenting, and he was extremely violent when coming home that i has to pull him from school for the week as he wouldn’t stop attacking people

What a mess.

He has a massive sensitivity to things like that, it dysregulates him massively, hes really intuitive and picks up on everything & so i asked for respect and to not he shouted at for asking to speak to my son, he was in the background saying he fucking hates me because he heard her shouting, i know how that sounds, but he has adhd, pda and autism and he says things like that if he feels a certain way