WIBU to shout at a woman who made this comment to my husband? Possibly racist?

[Heyitsmeem]

We were in a car park today and he was talking waiting for a woman to reverse. She came out and ushered him with his hand to reverse around the corner for her and that it was “one way” (it wasn’t there was two lanes). She got aggressive, got out the car and banged on my window. Husband told her to stop touching his car and not to startle me.

She then went round to his window and when he started talking said “well you’re not local”

I was furious. My husband is of African heritage, and has a slight accent, he’s a British citizen. He told me to leave it, but I was so angry. I went to her car and shouted “what do you mean he’s not local? You fucking racist”

A man who was on the opposite side of the road told my husband that she was being arsey and there’s a 2way system. He moved his car to my husband could park there.

😭 I’m not confrontational in the slightest, but I felt like it was an awful comment. I was shaking with rage and I was shouting at her.

Wibu?

You were right. Him “not being local” had absolutely nothing to do with the situation. I probably would not have shouted just said “yes I’m not local. And?”

Edit. I see he is local.

Obviously I didn’t.

Maybe she was struggling to reverse with your car waiting too close? Why couldn’t he give her some room so she could reverse in the direction she wanted to go?

I don't understand the parking's situation - need a diagram 😀 That's more impt than worrying about the arseholey woman tbh.

I'm white. People comment often to me "you're not local" due to my accent. As soon as I talk.

Stranger lady sounds like a loon by any standards.

If you feel better for standing up for yourself & husband, then shouting was a good thing to do. If it's upsetting you now that you got so riled, if part of you thinks there was a better reaction you want to do if something similar happened in future, then you might figure out a way in some future situations to be assertive but without getting so emotional.

My litmus test can be, could I look her in the eye if we ran into each other? Do I feel unafraid of her if we met again? If I feel afraid, then some part of how I behaved: I'm not happy with. Usually I feel best if I stood up for myself, but not always.

Hope you can put this incident behind you, soon.

It is never unreasonable to shout at a racist.

This.

Don't be silly, stop trying to excuse the comment.

Screaming at a woman that they are a “fucking racist” over a parking space is appalling. Whats wrong with calmly pointing out that a racist comment is unacceptable?
I would say it was aimed at your husbands driving position based on the other guy also talking about it.

So many people on here coming up with reasons why the woman didn’t really mean anything by her comment… in that situation, I’d absolutely assume she was being racist — and if you’re white and don’t agree, I fear that could be your privilege talking.

Being a fucking racist is more appalling, imo.

What???

how would she know?

Absolutely this….

and I extend this to saying she should have been calm..

YANBU she was racist. But he asked you not to and it wasn't about you so with hindsight best to listen to him.

Similar happened to a friend and me walking down the street years ago. A car full of boys drove past very slowly shouting oi p* to her, I was full of rage on her behalf and started shouting back and going up to the car. She said stop stop please, just ignore them. So then I did. She said she was used to it and head down ignore is the most appropriate reaction so as not to agitate these fckers. So enraging, and sad.

Can't quite envisage the situation but generally it's best to maintain a dignified stance and not let to to them see they have got to you. I mean I would most definitely be swearing in under my breath of course but hiding in it beneath some pasag politeness

It is completely understandable that you wanted to have your husband’s back in this situation. It is also understandable that his experiences have taught him the best thing is to rise above it. We all have to pick our battles. My current one is also about car parks - not racism but people taking short cuts the wrong way. One time recently I had a polite pop at someone for this but this week, didn’t have a go when a twat came roaring the wrong way down the one way bit. Don’t beat yourself up @Heyitsmeem

By a country mile, agreed.

Yes, have had a big chat with DH, and completely understand this. I’ve said I’m sorry to put him in that position, he said he understood I was defending him. In future I’ll follow DHs lead, it’s just heartbreaking to hear and I let my emotions get the best of me.

It’s appalling that she would make that comment to my husband. It’s psychologically so damaging. It wasn’t aimed at his parking position as he was not parked.

my husband believed she was being racist, so I’ll take his opinion as the only one that matters to be honest.

Good for you. Would have done the same

Perhaps you read everything as racists? Why did you assume that "you are not local" meant something racist? I definitely think you overreacted and it sounds as if your husband is the more clear headed individual!

Not unreasonable n the slightest.

racism needs calling out every single time.

Yeah I had that said to me by a neighbour once (who I amusedly later found out is of Indian and Greek heritage 😂). Said to my partner that "you lot aren't local anyway". My partner is white, English, Yorkshire, so he obviously didn't mean him. I'm English and born here, Cockney accent, but mixed colouring, so I can't be from here according to some.

No, op, you were perfectly reasonable. This sort of shit must be called out and I'm getting so sick of it still being the norm for some people.

I have no idea what your description of the parking situation was, as it’s so badly explained. I don’t even know who was driving!
Ive just returned from holiday in Italy. I should imagine that every local person I spoke to there knew I wasn’t local because of my accent. Maybe she assumed your DH wasn’t local because of his accent. A definition of racism is prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one's own race is superior. I can’t see that anything in her comment about him not being local meets that definition.

You will always encounter people who are selfish, rude and arrogant.
Try not to let it disturb your peace 🙏