Page 8 | AIBU to find pronoun introductions patronising?

JHound · 02/10/2026 14:49

drspouse · 02/10/2026 14:41

If you have a colleague with a non-English or gender neutral name being talked about on an email chain and you've never met them, it is perfectly grammatical to use "they".

"Have you met Xi in the Beijing office? No, me neither, but I got an email from them yesterday requesting a Teams meeting with both of us. How does Tuesday at 9 suit? They said they prefer am our time because they are ahead of us and otherwise it's bedtime in their time zone".

Then you meet Xi on Teams and find out she's female and next time you refer to her as "she".

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This reminds me when I used to travel for work. I have a fairly unusual name. I think it’s quite feminine but apparently it sounds masculine in some places / to some people. Always used to bemuse me when I would be copied on an email or had a travel booking where I was “Mr J Hound” or “he / him” 😂.

Maybe I should have put my pronouns in my emails back then

idontknowhowtodreamyourdreams · 02/10/2026 14:51

TheKeatingFive · 02/10/2026 14:44

Oh for the love of God. If people have such a huge issue being referred to as the sex they are, they need to see a therapist.

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@TheKeatingFive agreed. But the risk is that if they were to see a therapist, the therapist would affirm them in their delusion and encourage them to further brace professional victimhood.

JHound · 02/10/2026 14:51

TheKeatingFive · 02/10/2026 14:47

’They’ is generally only used in the singular if you don’t know the sex of the person. Which is fine of course. It’s just feels a bit silly/forced if you do know the person's sex.

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Yes. So it’s incorrect to say it’s only used for the plural form.

Mapletree1985 · 02/10/2026 14:52

Wordsmithery · 02/10/2026 14:37

This thread is so depressing.

There will be hundreds of parents on MN with adult children who have struggled with their gender identity or been misgendered/dead named. And others who struggle themselves. I'm pretty sure those people will have differing views to the OP when it comes to gender identity and inclusion in the workplace.

Now I'm not saying it's right or wrong for Maureen to announce her pronouns in a meeting. She may well be being performative or virtue signalling. I don't know Maureen personally and that's not the point of my post.

My point is that anybody with a different view is too scared to voice it on here because the hardliners are crushing in their criticism. Dissenters get called delusional, lunatic, navel-gazing and worse.

It's not really a discussion forum is it, when people who are too scared to disagree stay silent (and who can blame them?). When it comes to gender issues, AIBU has become an echo chamber. A club, if you like, for those with the 'correct' views.

Just remember, when you're echoing each others sentiments, that there are many many people with other views but you've collectively suppressed their voices. And, historically, suppression has never resulted in good outcomes.

"My point is that anybody with a different view is too scared to voice it on here because the hardliners are crushing in their criticism."

You mean like women and gender-critical people around the world have been for years upon most forums that aren't mumsnet. At leasts the mums of mumsnet are merely crushing in their criticism, and don't throw threats of bodily harm and death at their opponents, as so many TRAs have been known to do.

Sartre · 02/10/2026 14:54

I’m an academic and I have been asked to do this when I meet students for the first time during introductions. I refuse.

FableAndFern · 02/10/2026 14:56

superlint · 02/10/2026 13:17

Didn’t anyone tell you that using pronouns when speaking about a person in front of them, rather than their name, is bloody rude.

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I see this a lot but what about

'This is Peter. He's going to explain why using wrong sex pronouns is damaging to women's rights.'

'Jane is absolutely correct when she says pronoun announcements are a load of nonsense.'

'When I saw you cross the road I wondered 'Where's she going!''

'I told Rainbow she could sit anywhere.'

Cadeaukatze · 02/10/2026 14:58

DebbieSavage · 02/10/2026 12:59

Excuse me? I am not going around calling people I disagree with a type B sexual implement, please don't be disrespectful to myself and to all the people who think society would be a lot more inclusive and welcoming if we just affirmed each other's identity expression. I mean, how does it even hurt you to just say your pronouns are she/her whenever you speak to somebody you haven't heard from for a long time? Is it worth the hurt and pain caused by even an accidental misgendering?

Do you happen to have a black labrador and enjoy taking it to the pub by any chance?

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I assume this was being ironic?

In case it wasn't, No I am not a dog person so definitely no black labrador!

I am very obviously a woman and I don't have a gender and so I don't need anyone to affirm my identity. I don't have an identity other than my name.

And why would you be upset as being "misgendered"? It happens to people with unisex names like Sam and Alex all the time - they just correct people and move on.

And it's disrespectul to "me" not "myself".

CitizenofMoronia · 02/10/2026 14:58

I would have just replied hi im xx (F) He / him. because I dont care.

Cadeaukatze · 02/10/2026 14:59

There will be hundreds of parents on MN with adult children who have struggled with their gender identity or been misgendered/dead name

Hundreds?

A handful, maybe.

Screamingabdabz · 02/10/2026 15:00

Wordsmithery · 02/10/2026 14:37

This thread is so depressing.

There will be hundreds of parents on MN with adult children who have struggled with their gender identity or been misgendered/dead named. And others who struggle themselves. I'm pretty sure those people will have differing views to the OP when it comes to gender identity and inclusion in the workplace.

Now I'm not saying it's right or wrong for Maureen to announce her pronouns in a meeting. She may well be being performative or virtue signalling. I don't know Maureen personally and that's not the point of my post.

My point is that anybody with a different view is too scared to voice it on here because the hardliners are crushing in their criticism. Dissenters get called delusional, lunatic, navel-gazing and worse.

It's not really a discussion forum is it, when people who are too scared to disagree stay silent (and who can blame them?). When it comes to gender issues, AIBU has become an echo chamber. A club, if you like, for those with the 'correct' views.

Just remember, when you're echoing each others sentiments, that there are many many people with other views but you've collectively suppressed their voices. And, historically, suppression has never resulted in good outcomes.

I get what you’re saying about echo chambers but maybe this is just lots of anonymous people on a public forum who agree and are furious with how bonkers this ideology is?

For every kid who is sensitive about being ‘misgendered’ because they’ve been misled about what is biologically possible, there is a Sandi Peggie, still fighting for the right to not have to undress in front of men at her place of work or clawing back a right to fundamental protections and dignity. That is depressing.

Funnily enough I couldn’t give a shit about being misgendered. But I do care about single sex spaces and biological reality.

Cadeaukatze · 02/10/2026 15:02

Wordsmithery · 02/10/2026 14:37

This thread is so depressing.

There will be hundreds of parents on MN with adult children who have struggled with their gender identity or been misgendered/dead named. And others who struggle themselves. I'm pretty sure those people will have differing views to the OP when it comes to gender identity and inclusion in the workplace.

Now I'm not saying it's right or wrong for Maureen to announce her pronouns in a meeting. She may well be being performative or virtue signalling. I don't know Maureen personally and that's not the point of my post.

My point is that anybody with a different view is too scared to voice it on here because the hardliners are crushing in their criticism. Dissenters get called delusional, lunatic, navel-gazing and worse.

It's not really a discussion forum is it, when people who are too scared to disagree stay silent (and who can blame them?). When it comes to gender issues, AIBU has become an echo chamber. A club, if you like, for those with the 'correct' views.

Just remember, when you're echoing each others sentiments, that there are many many people with other views but you've collectively suppressed their voices. And, historically, suppression has never resulted in good outcomes.

Well until the Supreme Court case, any woman who dared to say male bodied people should stay out of womens single sex spaces had her views suppressed.

What's sauce for the goose/gander and all that. Is there a word for a non-binary goose?

Original poster

superlint · 02/10/2026 15:05

Wordsmithery · 02/10/2026 14:37

This thread is so depressing.

There will be hundreds of parents on MN with adult children who have struggled with their gender identity or been misgendered/dead named. And others who struggle themselves. I'm pretty sure those people will have differing views to the OP when it comes to gender identity and inclusion in the workplace.

Now I'm not saying it's right or wrong for Maureen to announce her pronouns in a meeting. She may well be being performative or virtue signalling. I don't know Maureen personally and that's not the point of my post.

My point is that anybody with a different view is too scared to voice it on here because the hardliners are crushing in their criticism. Dissenters get called delusional, lunatic, navel-gazing and worse.

It's not really a discussion forum is it, when people who are too scared to disagree stay silent (and who can blame them?). When it comes to gender issues, AIBU has become an echo chamber. A club, if you like, for those with the 'correct' views.

Just remember, when you're echoing each others sentiments, that there are many many people with other views but you've collectively suppressed their voices. And, historically, suppression has never resulted in good outcomes.

The anonymous vote tells a different story.

I like facts.

OP posts:

MagpiePi · 02/10/2026 15:05

Wordsmithery · 02/10/2026 14:37

This thread is so depressing.

There will be hundreds of parents on MN with adult children who have struggled with their gender identity or been misgendered/dead named. And others who struggle themselves. I'm pretty sure those people will have differing views to the OP when it comes to gender identity and inclusion in the workplace.

Now I'm not saying it's right or wrong for Maureen to announce her pronouns in a meeting. She may well be being performative or virtue signalling. I don't know Maureen personally and that's not the point of my post.

My point is that anybody with a different view is too scared to voice it on here because the hardliners are crushing in their criticism. Dissenters get called delusional, lunatic, navel-gazing and worse.

It's not really a discussion forum is it, when people who are too scared to disagree stay silent (and who can blame them?). When it comes to gender issues, AIBU has become an echo chamber. A club, if you like, for those with the 'correct' views.

Just remember, when you're echoing each others sentiments, that there are many many people with other views but you've collectively suppressed their voices. And, historically, suppression has never resulted in good outcomes.

…historically, suppression has never resulted in good outcomes.

Absolurely!
It has led to women like Kathleen Stock being hounded out of her job, women being told they can’t have been raped when they were on what they thought was single sex hospital ward, women losing out on sporting achievements, and women being threatened with violent sexual assault, amount many other injustices all because they were supposed to suppress the truth that men can’t be women.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 02/10/2026 15:06

Cadeaukatze · 02/10/2026 14:59

There will be hundreds of parents on MN with adult children who have struggled with their gender identity or been misgendered/dead name

Hundreds?

A handful, maybe.

And as Helen Joyce says, the parents who were complicit in the delusion will be the last to accept reality. They can’t face what they’ve done.

InconvenientlyMaterial · 02/10/2026 15:06

I find it intimidating. Instead of being allowed to focus on the task in hand, my (neuro diverse, PTSD etc) brain goes into paranoid overdrive. If everyone else follows suit, how will I truthfully answer? If I make a mistake will there be a witch hunt to remove me from the organisation? Will I be outed and shamed for needing - actually needing and not just wanting for logical/ moral/ feminist reasons - a loo without blokes in it?

I also find it depressing. So much of my identity feels externally imposed upon me, especially since having children. This is never acknowledged by the people keen to make me lie because someone else far more privileged has decided that they must control other people's perception of them.

AlwaysExtraHot · 02/10/2026 15:07

TBF Maureen might feel under pressure from colleagues/HR/whoever to abide by this guff. We've seen many cases of women being drummed out of jobs for not going along with it.
It is utter rubbish though.
A friend of mine recently told me about a yoga class she went to where the (male) teacher spent time explaining that his pronouns were they/them. Plus he had such long nails he couldn't open the door, and flapped about a bit before getting a class member to open it for him.
Waste of fucking class time.

Inthebitterend · 02/10/2026 15:08

Imagine worrying about something as irrelevant as this to the point where you have to make a post about it and have people pat you on the back. It's a word. She said it. End of. I'd have forgotten the interaction 3 seconds later.

It's a sad, long life if you give so much of your energy to being negative and hating on people for something so innocuous.

TheKeatingFive · 02/10/2026 15:09

Inthebitterend · 02/10/2026 15:08

Imagine worrying about something as irrelevant as this to the point where you have to make a post about it and have people pat you on the back. It's a word. She said it. End of. I'd have forgotten the interaction 3 seconds later.

It's a sad, long life if you give so much of your energy to being negative and hating on people for something so innocuous.

What do you think is ‘hateful’ about the OP?

BoredZelda · 02/10/2026 15:09

superlint · 02/10/2026 12:34

I don’t like to be patronised.

I would say the same and think the same if a male started mansplaining something to me at work

I can see you are a woman I didn’t need to be told. It’s patronising and like a silly kids game.

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She wasn’t patronising you. The message she was sending wasn’t for you. Not everything is about you.

You are free to judge her as much as you like. Coming here and posting a message about it and inviting complete strangers to judge her is also your choice. But you realise this is also signalling what your moral compass says also and is therefore no different to what you are accusing her of.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 02/10/2026 15:11

Inthebitterend · 02/10/2026 15:08

Imagine worrying about something as irrelevant as this to the point where you have to make a post about it and have people pat you on the back. It's a word. She said it. End of. I'd have forgotten the interaction 3 seconds later.

It's a sad, long life if you give so much of your energy to being negative and hating on people for something so innocuous.

I mean, this post isn’t very nice, but, regardless;

Pronouns were never innocuous.

BoredZelda · 02/10/2026 15:13

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 02/10/2026 14:41

Those poor, oppressed voices, controlled the narrative in this area for the last ten years. Anyone who dared raise biological sex was cancelled, reviled, hailed as a bigot.

Facts aren’t bigoted.

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Anyone? Really? Anyone at all?

BoredZelda · 02/10/2026 15:14

InconvenientlyMaterial · 02/10/2026 15:06

I find it intimidating. Instead of being allowed to focus on the task in hand, my (neuro diverse, PTSD etc) brain goes into paranoid overdrive. If everyone else follows suit, how will I truthfully answer? If I make a mistake will there be a witch hunt to remove me from the organisation? Will I be outed and shamed for needing - actually needing and not just wanting for logical/ moral/ feminist reasons - a loo without blokes in it?

I also find it depressing. So much of my identity feels externally imposed upon me, especially since having children. This is never acknowledged by the people keen to make me lie because someone else far more privileged has decided that they must control other people's perception of them.

Sounds like you struggle in professional settings. Do you have any reasonable adjustments for that?

wishingonastar101 · 02/10/2026 15:14

Sometimes people tell you who they are... believe them.
Maureen is a twat.

Original poster

superlint · 02/10/2026 15:15

Inthebitterend · 02/10/2026 15:08

Imagine worrying about something as irrelevant as this to the point where you have to make a post about it and have people pat you on the back. It's a word. She said it. End of. I'd have forgotten the interaction 3 seconds later.

It's a sad, long life if you give so much of your energy to being negative and hating on people for something so innocuous.

Imagine not seeing the bigger picture or not seeing all consequences of something that seems innocuous but isn’t.

OP posts:

bongsuhan · 02/10/2026 15:16

superlint · 02/10/2026 12:28

I was in a meeting this morning and a woman introduced herself saying ‘Hi, my name is Maureen and my pronouns are she/her'

I genuinely haven’t heard anyone say this for years. As she was clearly a biological female and had a female name it sounded both patronising and virtue signalling. We all knew she was a woman within a second of seeing her.

I have never not immediately been able to tell someone’s sex and quite frankly in a meeting you use people's names not pronouns so it’s totally unnecessary.

AIBU to think pronoun announcements sound ridiculous.

Quite bizarre that the OP is criticizing someone for "virtue signalling" by doing the exact same thing.