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Original poster

AIBU to find pronoun introductions patronising?

336 replies

superlint · 02/10/2026 12:28

I was in a meeting this morning and a woman introduced herself saying ‘Hi, my name is Maureen and my pronouns are she/her'

I genuinely haven’t heard anyone say this for years. As she was clearly a biological female and had a female name it sounded both patronising and virtue signalling. We all knew she was a woman within a second of seeing her.

I have never not immediately been able to tell someone’s sex and quite frankly in a meeting you use people's names not pronouns so it’s totally unnecessary.

AIBU to think pronoun announcements sound ridiculous.

OP posts:
Naunet · 02/10/2026 14:04

Canadanian · 02/10/2026 13:31

Have you considered that it’s not about you? Have you considered that it might help someone who is trans or non binary feel more welcome, or that cis people sharing their pronouns makes it safer for trans people to share their pronouns because it doesn’t automatically ask mean they’re trans if everyone is doing the same?

But no, you think it’s abit annoying.

@mumsnet is it possible to keep transphobic threads in the sex and gender forum, so people who want to use Mumsnet without reading transphobia don’t have to keep bumping into it on AIBU?

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Is it possible to keep Canada's batshit crazy obsession with pandering to genderists, in Canada?

dontforgetofeedthecat · 02/10/2026 14:04

I don't think it's patronising

I think people look and sound stupid! It's a good warning you are faced with a professionally offended pain in the backside.

BrezhnevsLuxuriantEyebrows · 02/10/2026 14:05

BackToLurk · 02/10/2026 13:49

It's taking the piss. It's very British to take the piss out of the ridiculous. Maureen is very clearly a woman.

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I obviously don't know Maureen personally, but some people are 100% devoid of any humour whatsoever.

You may believe that calling her 'he' to make fun of her declaration will irritate her; but if she's anything like the aforementioned group, it will just serve as validation that she really does need to tell everybody her pronouns at every single opportunity, to avoid them getting confused. She may even go beyond 'just' telling you next time, and present you with a pre-prepared worksheet to help you learn, understand and remember - with a gold sticker for you if you get 10/10!

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 02/10/2026 14:05

FKAT · 02/10/2026 13:48

It's weird you need to know what kind of genitals your students have before you meet them? Is that because you treat male students differently to female ones?

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You haven't been following this trans business very closely if you think that preferred pronouns align with genitals.

Looting · 02/10/2026 14:05

MrsOvertonsWindow · 02/10/2026 13:59

That's a form of coercive control in the workplace. Keeping colleagues on their toes, forbidding the use of "ordinary language and seeking to punish those who dare call her she?

If you don't work closely with her, then she's just an eye rolling irritant. If you have to collaborate regularly then she could have a major negative impact on your confidence and ability to work together if you're constantly having to second guess your language rather than focus on the task in hand. Especially if she's got the ear of a manager / HR with the power to sanction you rather than her off task, disruptive behaviour.

These people can turn the workplace into a hostile environment for colleagues if they're allowed to escalate rather than being reined in.

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To be fair, she's actually very nice. However, we have another colleague who will "call out" anyone who accidentally refers to this person as "her" even when she's not present because "she'd be upset if she found out we said her not they". That, I find very controlling because 1) I'm not sure she would be all that upset and 2) The only way she would know is if someone told her which wouldn't be nice to do given she may then become upset.

DebbieSavage · 02/10/2026 14:06

Waterbaby41 · 02/10/2026 13:27

Every few days? You are really taking the piss aren't you.

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No I do know a lovely young Dragon who joined the department next to mine a couple of months ago and Xhe has taught me a lot about the fluidity of gender/identity which can change fairly often with some folks. I wouldn't have quite believed it if it wasn't for being around Xher and getting to see it from someone with those kind of struggles.

I think a lot of the pushback comes from ignorance and not knowing anybody in their personal lives who go through it themselves.

BackToLurk · 02/10/2026 14:07

DebbieSavage · 02/10/2026 14:06

No I do know a lovely young Dragon who joined the department next to mine a couple of months ago and Xhe has taught me a lot about the fluidity of gender/identity which can change fairly often with some folks. I wouldn't have quite believed it if it wasn't for being around Xher and getting to see it from someone with those kind of struggles.

I think a lot of the pushback comes from ignorance and not knowing anybody in their personal lives who go through it themselves.

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Very good. You nearly had us there

TheKeatingFive · 02/10/2026 14:07

TheOwlShootAtNight · 02/10/2026 14:02

I have previously met people I could not immediately tell if there are male or female. Also some names are gender neutral.

Surely if you need to know whether they are male or female they will clarify or you will politely ask them to.

For 99.999% of people it isn’t an issue.

FloridaCheese · 02/10/2026 14:07

I can't take people who do this seriously either. I'm not going to join you in your little world.

TheKeatingFive · 02/10/2026 14:08

Looting · 02/10/2026 14:05

To be fair, she's actually very nice. However, we have another colleague who will "call out" anyone who accidentally refers to this person as "her" even when she's not present because "she'd be upset if she found out we said her not they". That, I find very controlling because 1) I'm not sure she would be all that upset and 2) The only way she would know is if someone told her which wouldn't be nice to do given she may then become upset.

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If she can bear to be called ‘she’ why would she have an issue with being called ‘her’?

🤯

Tessasanderson · 02/10/2026 14:11

Just smile and reply, my name is .......... and i couldnt care a jot what nouns you use for me. If you use my name that would be fine and dandy thanks.

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 02/10/2026 14:11

Yes. I was on a Teams call the other day, and the meeting host gave us her pronouns.

I said for fuck’s sake, and hung up.

NannyOf8Girls · 02/10/2026 14:12

Bonkers!

Looting · 02/10/2026 14:12

DebbieSavage · 02/10/2026 12:45

I don't think it does any harm to list one's pronouns when you meet someone for the first time or if they haven't seen you for a few days (pronouns and identity can be fluid for some folks) and generally it is a good way to touch base and get some real human connection in what can often be a stuffy and overly corporate office environment.

Is it a good way to get some real human interaction? If someone, every few days, said "Hi Looting, my pronouns are she/her", I think that would stall conversation rather than encourage it. There are so many other things to talk about and connect about that can lighten the mood/deepen a bond/whatever you're trying to achieve with your colleagues. I have a lot more to me than the fact I'm a "she" and I generally assume everyone else does too.

ithinkilikethislittlelife · 02/10/2026 14:13

rubixsphere · 02/10/2026 12:47

OP it's quite useful when people do this as you automatically know you have to be careful what you say and do around them. Not just in the workplace but also a social functions etc.

It reminds you to be on guard and ensure you do everything absolutely by the book around them.

She did you a favour.

Brilliantly noticed.

Looting · 02/10/2026 14:13

TheKeatingFive · 02/10/2026 14:08

If she can bear to be called ‘she’ why would she have an issue with being called ‘her’?

🤯

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I honestly don't know. I have wanted to ask but genuinely worry someone might think me transphobic for not automatically understanding.

MagpiePi · 02/10/2026 14:13

TheKeatingFive · 02/10/2026 14:08

If she can bear to be called ‘she’ why would she have an issue with being called ‘her’?

🤯

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Because she is clearly more speshul than the other self-proclaimed she/hers. Or should that be the other thems….or the other theys…?

NannyOf8Girls · 02/10/2026 14:14

I thought this fad was over?

dontforgetofeedthecat · 02/10/2026 14:14

Looting · 02/10/2026 14:12

Is it a good way to get some real human interaction? If someone, every few days, said "Hi Looting, my pronouns are she/her", I think that would stall conversation rather than encourage it. There are so many other things to talk about and connect about that can lighten the mood/deepen a bond/whatever you're trying to achieve with your colleagues. I have a lot more to me than the fact I'm a "she" and I generally assume everyone else does too.

Edited
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absolutely this!

After someone says "my pronouns are she/ her"
the only answer that comes to mind is: ok then

What else can you say?😂

Allthatwegotisthispalebluedot · 02/10/2026 14:17

Megifer · 02/10/2026 13:26

The irony of your first sentence being followed by a long post engaging with the thread is 👌

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Sorry, didn’t realise I wasn’t allowed to engage with threads unless I agreed with the OP. Perhaps AIBU should change its name if it’s no longer a question.

Laura95167 · 02/10/2026 14:19

I do think some people do it to virtue signal. And agree in a meeting youd use names not pronouns. Although i wouldnt get worked up over it

However, "I have never not immediately been able to tell someone’s sex " sounds arrogant and it would be an equally patronising thing to say. Not to mention I bet youre wrong

Original poster
superlint · 02/10/2026 14:20

Canadanian · 02/10/2026 13:44

People on this thread are already accusing trans people of being liars etc. I think a thread with this much potential for transphobia should be on the sex and gender forum.

anyway - the OP will like it over there! Everyone on those threads will think they’re very clever for thinking pronouns are annoying!

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When did I say they were annoying.

I didn't

OP posts:
Original poster
superlint · 02/10/2026 14:21

Laura95167 · 02/10/2026 14:19

I do think some people do it to virtue signal. And agree in a meeting youd use names not pronouns. Although i wouldnt get worked up over it

However, "I have never not immediately been able to tell someone’s sex " sounds arrogant and it would be an equally patronising thing to say. Not to mention I bet youre wrong

Edited

Would it matter if I was wrong though.

OP posts:
dontforgetofeedthecat · 02/10/2026 14:21

Laura95167 · 02/10/2026 14:19

I do think some people do it to virtue signal. And agree in a meeting youd use names not pronouns. Although i wouldnt get worked up over it

However, "I have never not immediately been able to tell someone’s sex " sounds arrogant and it would be an equally patronising thing to say. Not to mention I bet youre wrong

Edited

I mean, it's pretty obvious on most people. Adam's apples (or lack of) also tend to be a giveaway

There are signs 😂

JanuaryLove · 02/10/2026 14:22

Just say "so I see"