AIBU to want community and daily companionship, not another relationship?

[gatecrash]

I feel alone but not lonely. I like my own company and I am grateful for that. However I am (fairly recently) a single Mum to 2. It’s been a hard time obviously. I don’t want another relationship at all atm and not sure if I ever will. I do have friends but they are all busy with their own lives and we only meet up very irregularly. I miss having someone that knows the ins and outs of my day to day life, just the mundane stuff really. I just wish I had a friend that I could be in contact with regularly that would know all the day to day stuff but does this sound like I want a relationship. I don’t think I do really and I have no interest in sex. I certainly don’t want anyone in my children’s lives. I’ve looked for some sort of single mum support group but I can’t really find much, if it’s there it seems more national and not local. I’m probably looking for something that doesn’t exist. What I really crave is community.

Have you tried your local church? Seriously.

I’m not religious in any way at all. I’m an atheist, I’d feel quite hypocritical going to a church.

Was going to say the same. Particularly if they do smaller life groups or a choir or something

Sorry just saw the atheist comment
Maybe a running club or something?

This is not a very good foundation for friendships. You say you want someone to know all the ins and outs of your life but at the same time don't appear to have any interest in that person's life. I get it bit also don't... To me, community is about sharing not just offloading.
Have you not got a wider family you talk to regularly?

Start a local ginger bread group?

I hear you op- I have slowly built up a collection of other single mums over the years - it takes time and effort x

Does she say she has no interest in others lives?

I would have an interest in that persons life and I really take comfort in helping people and being there for people. I do find it hard to make friends and to know at which point someone is considered officially a friend so to speak. I do have some wider family but the relationships are strained for various reasons. I’m envious of big families.

would you consider joining a local committee relating to something you are passionate about? I was roped into one and I swear they’ve become like family- we get irritated with each other at times and fall out, but celebrate each others personal as well as communal triumphs, it’s a project that’s enriched my life, in many ways.

I post random daily stuff on my fb page and someone from the USA started replying to me daily, we share many common interests....

The other thing is finding a job in a small family business....the feel is different - on my local fb group quite few ladies home owners want a private housekeeper for deeper relationship

by deeper I mean the home owners want someone who they will trust in their private space, who can work, hear and see family stuff going on but stay discrete....who is able to share few common words here and there and be smiling presence....who will be work proud and enjoy the beautiful home

Friendship is a relationship though, you can’t be the only one offloading else people won’t want to be friends with you!

People are different, I personally don’t have any friends that I’m in daily contact with to that extent. We might share memes or something light but not really daily life updates like I would with someone I live with. I don’t know, if others have relationships like that with their friends? For me there’s peaks and troughs of closeness but I wouldn’t say we have consistent daily deeper chats, maybe for a few weeks then it dies down a bit.

I think I’m in the position you are talking about. I have friends that I see a couple of times a week. I have a PT who I spend 2 hours a week with and we know a lot about what is going on in each others lives. I also have a dog and I have built a little community of dog owners. At the moment there are 5 of us (all women) and we meet up in a field once a day to let the dogs play and we help each other with dog sitting. I am single and my kids are grown now, but I don’t think I have had a day where ai have felt lonely or missed having a relationship since my divorce almost 5 years ago. It’s definitely possible to build a social network at any age, you just need to be super open and start building connections.

Oh, I should add. I don’t think many people are equipped to be someones only friend and for that friendship to be as intense as you are looking for. You are better off spreading the load a bit. I wouldn’t want daily check-in calls from any of my friends.

I understand this. It’s very normal to want to feel a connection and a sense of belonging.

Volunteering for a few hours a week or month for a cause you care about might suit you as a way to connect with like minded people.

The problem with this is if the friend then gets into a relationship, that level of companionship will automatically drop as they start sharing their mundane every day life events with their new partner.

Thank you for the responses. I have taken them on board. To be clear I’m not necessarily looking for someone I can talk to every day or anything but it would be good to meet up semi regularly and just be able to chit chat about day to day stuff. Sometimes when I meet my friends it can feel like a bit of a frenzy of us all telling each other what’s been happening because it’s been quite a while since we’ve spoken. Volunteering is a really good idea. I have done this in the past and really got a lot out of it, I’ll definitely look into this.

Fb groups based on interest. Met many people there who are always sending something fun

I’m guessing you have a partner? In which case your situation, obviously, is different to the OP’s.

A weekly hobby group has helped me feel less lonely. A regular slot means I prioritise that time over other things. The group is large enough that people can splinter off into additional small meet ups. I have a group of people that I can call on for advice or to chat through mundane issues.

I think you can build a network - but maybe it shouldn’t be just one friend? But a few?

I feel very similar. I want the companionship, care and support of a partner and the day to day chat but not a relationship. It's a tricky situation. I'm 100% not in the place for another relationship and have been single now for 3 years. If I wasn't me (😅) the advice id give myself would be to find a bit of a tribe through local groups and such, I'm not sure there is an easy answer but it's a tricky one!