Is it okay to stop birthday and Christmas gifts after my nieces and nephews turn 18?

[Auntietoseven]

I am the childfree aunt. I am single. I live alone. I work an admin role. (Think that's the context set !)

I have four nieces and three nephews to whom I have always given £25 each at xmas and £25 each at birthdays (£1,225 a year). I know it isn't loads but they do always say thank you - no issues there or anything. They are very polite and lovely children!

Unfortunately I am not really able to spend on them in other ways throughout the year, because what I do for one, I have to spend the value by x7 to make sure I am fair to them all! So it wipes out spontaneity.

For the 18th birthday of each (first one in turning 18 January) I was planning a larger gift (perhaps £150) and then no further gifts as they're into adulthood.

As parents, do you think this mean or is it okay?

We would carry on in this family tbh. As adults we either still do presents, or if we don’t live close by, we arrange a fun meet up e.g. theatre trip, theme park in place of a physical present.

I think if the present buying isn’t reciprocal then it’s fine , I’m the one with children in our family and both of my sisters still buy for my now adult kids but my adult kids both buy presents for their aunts .

I’m stopping and have stopped at 21. One Niece will be 21 next year, DS the same. Other Nieces & Nephews now receive a lovely birthday card only.

And a lovely family Christmas card.

Only exception is ‘big’ birthdays but that currently is the rest of the family.

we stopped buying nieces and nephews at 18 . Once the great nieces and nephews came we bought for them for a few years but then the numbers just kept growing and it became ridiculous . Nothing was ever reciprocated at all but that wasn’t an issue . It was just time to stop .

No it is not reciprocal; my brother and sister do not give to me for my birthday or Christmas.

ETA and i do not imagine (nor expect!) anything from nieces/nephews when they will be adults/working! i would rather they spend their money on their own lives not their old aunt 🤣 It's lovely that yours do though and it works for you guys of course

We decided to stop giving money/gifts after 18 - except for special birthdays such as 21, 30 etc. we still send a card though.

Course it’s fine. I have 5 and godchildren on top. Most of mine are adults but three are under 18.

I do buy for my great nephews and niece tho😂

Depends on your overall relationship with them, I suppose? I was never close to my uncle and aunt's family so birthday gifts from the, weren't "consistent" throughout my childhood, let alone once I was an adult (not that I needed those either). On the other hand, my nieces are 17 and 15 now and we have fairly warm relationships so I don't think I'll stop with at least smaller gifts for birthdays and Christmas. You can always acknowledge the day by a call or send them a nice birthday video card and call it a day, it doesn't sound unreasonable to me if that's the stage your relationships are at now.

Yes of course

Yes thats fine.

Im stopping with my second set of nieces at 18. Just sent £100 for 18th and haven’t explicitly said this will be the last. The elder nieces from the other side of the family I used to give £50 each at Christmas but just cards now they are older. My own child is much much younger and has NEVER received as much as £50 from the parents of those girls so as per a PP it all feels a bit one-sided that I shelled out £100 a year for years when I was child free and now my child gets very little.

Yes, but we did nice gift at 18th, one at 21st and if out treat them, but gifts have stopped.

100% it's totally OK to stop. I do think it's mean of your siblings not to get you little 'something to open' from the family for your generosity over the years.

Childless Aunt here too. I’m stopping at 18 as I don’t even get a Birthday card or Thank you from some of them and my siblings don’t bother with cards or gifts either. A thank you via text isn’t a great sacrifice tbh

I think that’s perfectly fine.

i actually think it’s incredibly rude that your siblings don’t do anything for you when you buy for their children.

I stopped once they left education so at end of degree/masters. I still give occasional gifts to them individually though eg one had a car fail MOT and couldn't afford the bill to get it through so I helped him out, one in bad accident and out of work recovering for almost 4 months and would have struggled with mortgage so I helped him out. These occasional gifts probably cost more than £50 per birthday I used to gift.

Hi op my sil stopped once 18. Sure where does it end. Ive 6 then friends child so 7. Told her I be stopping it after 18. Its cost living now aswell..

Yes i did.
I give money for their children now.

Yes. It's always been a thing in our family to stop at 18

Thank you, I thought I was going mad

Tbh i think stopping when kids reach adulthood is fairly normal

I keep my nephews going because of family circumstances and I imagine they'll have kids before mine are adults.

I fully expect DH family will stop my kids at 18.

Having 11 nieces and newphews we will be stopping at 18.

Personally, I think £150 is a massive amount and I wouldn't want you giving my dc that much, but, apart from that, YANBU.

In fact I suggested it and put it out there as a suggestion when my eldest dn was 16. The dc and their parents all thought it was a good idea.

The key is, being fair, and continuing to give to each one until they reach 18, rather than randomly stopping because it is 2026 or whenever.

I still send them cards, and all is well with the world.

We carried on to 21, 18-21s really seem to appreciate it. We still buy them a box of chocolates each.